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Just Said Yes August 2018

Avoiding substitute guests

Susan, on March 3, 2018 at 8:20 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 23
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My wedding is going to be bigger than I intended. I really don't want to see random people I didn't invite. Does anyone have any ideas how to word the invitation so that it goes specifically to the person intended?


23 Comments

Latest activity by Emily, on March 4, 2018 at 11:25 AM
  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    As long as you address the invitation to the precise person you are inviting it should be fine.

    Just know now that you need to invite both parts of a couple if they are dating because they are a social unit. Honestly you wont notice a few "strangers" on your wedding day!
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsR-M
    Expert August 2020
    FutureMrsR-M ·
    • Flag
    If you are inviting lots of friends who’s SO is unknown to you, you don’t have to give them a +1. If they have been dating a long time, are engaged, or are married, they should get a +1. But if a friend isn’t dating or hasn’t been dating their SO very long, you don’t have to give a +1. That being said, you might want to consider that your friend may decline the invite if they can’t bring a +1.
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Dedicated May 2018
    Nicole ·
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    No. If your friend is in a relationship, you invite their SO regardless of whether you "know them" or not. If they are single, they do not need a +1, but it is nice to do.

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  • S
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Susan ·
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    I'm talking about for example - my aunt and uncle who cant make it but give their ticket to their child, or a friend, who's significant other can't make it, who brings their sister.

    I've seen it and I've done it and unfortunately don't want it as a part of my wedding lol

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  • Red Queen
    VIP May 2018
    Red Queen ·
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    Wedding aren't tickets Smiley tongue The invitations go to the people who are invited unless the guests receive permission otherwise.

    I've never seen anything like that unless you give someone a generic "and guest".

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  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
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    People actually do this??? Boggles my mind.

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  • S
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Susan ·
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    Oh for sure, My parents were invited to a wedding and my mom couldn't make it so I took her place. I've also went to a wedding with my boyfriend (at the times) family and my boyfriend actually couldn't make it (I took his ticket).

    My friend has taken her sister in place of her fiancee...

    I just don't want the RSVP Gods to take revenge on me now that it's my own wedding, hahaha

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  • Xandria
    VIP December 2018
    Xandria ·
    • Flag

    Weddings don't come with tickets...

    I have never heard of someone doing this, particularly without asking the couple first.

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  • C
    Devoted September 2020
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    You could put a spot for names on the rsvp or do an online rsvp that only allows those invited to rsvp
    • Reply
  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
    • Flag
    Wow, I have never heard of this. Though if someone’s husband couldn’t come and they brought a friend I wouldn’t be angry either—though I imagine they would tell me.
    • Reply
  • AQuixoticBride
    VIP July 2018
    AQuixoticBride ·
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    These are two different things. If you invite me and FH to your wedding, FH is sick at the last minute and can't come, I will probably just bring someone else. The " +1" is for your guest's comfort, not yours, so it doesn't matter if you know who they bring. But just passing on the invitation to someone else, I don't know what that's about.


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  • S
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Susan ·
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    No one has ever said anything to me as I did it to other people. Not to make excuses but in all of those instances I was a child/teenager and just went with it. People I cared about wanted my company so I obliged. No one ever complained about it to me.. Maybe they asked? I wouldn't know


    I have a right to not want certain practices for my own wedding.

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Expert October 2018
    Allison ·
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    Besides, last minute the pates already paid for lol

    My sister wouldn't go in my place with her husband to my friends wedding. That's werid.
    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Susan ·
    • Flag

    Obviously my use of the word "ticket" is not literal. I mean to say invitation...

    Let this not distract from the actual question.

    I'm glad to hear this is not routine practice

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  • Allison
    Expert October 2018
    Allison ·
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    No its not standard practice to take someone's invitation, addressed to them and instead go for them.


    It is standard practice to select your +1. It may not be who you intended it to be if you don't put their name on the invite.
    • Reply
  • Abbi
    Super March 2018
    Abbi ·
    • Flag
    I put (blank) seats reserved in your honor
    (Blank) attending.
    I only had 1 come back that I gave 1 seat to and they sent back 2 seats coming at that point I had declines so I didn't fight.
    • Reply
  • Melanie
    Devoted March 2018
    Melanie ·
    • Flag
    It really sucks as an adult to not get a plus 1, even if you aren’t dating anyone. Why can’t I bring a fun date to dance with? Why do I have to sit at the awkward table with other random singles? I’m more likely to stay and party all night if I have a date. And if I bring a date, why does anyone care who it is (as long as it’s not the bride’s ex boyfriend or something like that)?

    I gave every single person a plus 1 on my guest list. On the numbers end, It all works out in the end, we have married couples where only 1 is coming and we have single people bringing plus 1s that we don’t know.

    Also, the last thing you want to do is be a bouncer on your wedding day.
    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes August 2018
    Susan ·
    • Flag

    For sure everyone who is married or in a longterm relationship has a +1 but there has to be a limit somewhere.... it limits my ability to invite people I actually know to my wedding. The wedding list essentially gets doubled so fast.

    I don't particularly care who the plus one is but I'd rather it be their significant other to make it worth it and not- say- a sister. I'd rather have another one of MY friends present than a friend's sister.

    Ideally everyone would get a +1 but it has gotten costly fast.


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  • E
    Super October 2017
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    You cannot control what other people do and you cannot expect that they "know" this is rude just as you did not know which is what you stated. Take comfort in knowing this is not very common and you probably won't notice "a bunch of strangers" on your wedding day. Yes, guest lists are hard. We are trained to think our wedding needs to be everything we've ever dreamed of, but really the important part is marrying your spouse.

    Personally, if something happend the day or two before, I would rather a guest bring a friend or sister than come alone. We had both happen, we gave a friend a +1 and he wanted to bring his roommate because he didn't want to bring some random girl to a wedding. I had never met his roommate but they were the LIFE of the party and are now friends with many of our close friends. My husband's boss also couldn't bring his wife because their kids were sick. He came alone and left after dinner. I would rather he had brought a buddy and stayed and enjoyed a little longer (although I'm sure he wanted to get home to his wife). My cousin brought his newly pregnant girlfriend (within two weeks of wedding and I knew nothing of her) without telling me and she was not invited (because again, I didn't know she existed). We had several guests unable to come all because of crises.

    The sooner you realize that these things don't affect you or your wedding day, the happier you will be. None of these issues impacted my experience at my wedding day and I am infinitely happy now that I did not make an issue about any of this because my friends and family felt welcome and loved and had a great time.

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