Average size list - Rehearsal Dinner

That sounds like a lot to me too. I think our rehearsal dinner guest list is about average. It's about 40 people but we only did our immediate family/close family friends, grandparents and bridal party plus their SO's. We didn't include all out of town guests but I know some people go that route!

75 is a big list for a rehearsal dinner. If she wants out of town guests to attend then she should host it as a welcome party.

To me, a rehearsal dinner is strictly for your parents, grandparents, wedding party and their dates. This is a chance to A.) rehearse the wedding with the people who will be participating and walking down the aisle, and B.) thank them for being in the wedding/supporting your relationship/etc. Rehearsal dinners, in my opinion, are for the VIP members of your wedding (i.e. the people involved in the wedding.)

A welcome dinner would be more appropriate for that large of a list with people from out of town.

Our list is at 35 people, thats only parents, grandparents, and bridal party/spouses.

The Rehersal Dinner is usually paid for by the Groom, or Grooms family.
It is also usually for the Bridal Party, immediate family & any out of town guests.
However, if she and FFIL are paying for said dinner- let her invite whoever.

I feel her list is excessive, and would ask why these people need to come to the dinner- if they aren’t out-of-town & F-IL’s aren’t paying for the event.
If you and FH are paying maybe suggest that she and her list have a luncheon or an after dinner drinks/party.... Ask FH how he feels about List too...and remember HIS parents- let him deal more with this one! Be there for the convo, but let him take the lead....

Ours has ~30 people. Immediate family, wedding party and their SOs.
We are NOT inviting OOT guests because then it would turn into a second reception. We'll meet up with everybody at the hotel bar if they want.

Our list is about half of the # of guests invited to the wedding.

50 guests for our wedding (including us), 25 people for the rehearsal dinner.

That sounds like a lot. We were inviting 36 to ours but we’re going to get a max of 34 (my grandparents already said they’re not coming... they’re in their 80s and want to save their energy for the wedding lol) but other than that, our list consists of:
-myself and FH (obviously)
-my mom and brother
-my uncle (mom’s brother)
-my great uncle (grandma’s brother)
-my mom’s first cousins and their children (8 people total—I don’t have any first cousins so they’re the closest relatives I have)
-FH’s grandparents (3 of them)
-FFIL
-FH’s aunts/uncles/first cousins (5 people total)
-Bridal party plus SOs (8 bridal party members, plus 3 of them are in relationships)

I feel like 34 is still a lot of people lol but there’s no one we can really cut from this. I definitely wouldn’t invite more!

Oh wow... That is like a second wedding! I would definitely tell her no.

Maybe you can let her know that you are only inviting those participating in the wedding and their guests. You can say something like "I really just want to invite those that are participating in the wedding, since they have to be at the rehearsal. I want to be well rested for my big day and would rather keep the dinner smaller. However, It is nice of you to want to get everyone that is out of town together for a dinner. Would you be able to help me out and provide some restaurant recommendations for them?" That way its like it was her idea, and saying "recommendations" gets you out of being financially responsible for their dinner..

We kept it to: Our pastor and his wife (2), our parents (5), grandparents (4), siblings (2), wedding party (10), their dates (4), a parent of the junior bridesmaid/man (1), and a great aunt that was staying with my grandparents that flew in from out of state (1). And us obviously (2). That was 31 people and that seemed like a lot.

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Not to hijack OP's thread but I've literally never met anyone else (other than my sister, duh) that didn't have any first cousins! People always think it's so weird when I tell then that I don't have any first cousins, but I have several second cousins that I'm super close with too.

I think they vary depending on a lot of things. I've been to several, one had 30 people, one had 40, ours will have 75. We have a large wedding party. So 75 is our immediate family, wedding party + significant others + kids, and our aunts & uncles.

View Quoted Comment Hahaha yeah my mom only has 1 brother and he doesn’t have any kids so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think we are looking at about 50. Our bridal party alone will make up 20 (5 on each side plus SOs) then Him and I, My parents, His Parents, My Brother, SIL, and 3 kids (2 are in the wedding), my grandmother and her "fiance", 6 out of town friends on my side, 2 out of town aunts on my side, plus his mom gave me a list of 10 out of towners on their side (if everyone RSVPs yes). Our actual rehursal is earlier in the day and will only be us, the bridal party, parents, officiant (we asked a friend) and the ring bearer & "Ring Security". I've always been told that traditionally you are supposed to invited out of town guests to the dinner since they likely need to fly in the night before (not necessarily the actual rehearsal)

That sounds like a reception to me! That is a huge rehearsal dinner. Ours is a max of 40 guests.

Wedding party plus their significant other plus our immediate family.

Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is only for those participating in the ceremony (hence the "rehearsal") and their SOs, along with parents of the bride and groom. Sticking to that tradition, our list is only 18, which is manageable.

Not sure why you would invite FMIL's friends, in-laws, etc. Even people coming out of town are doing so for the wedding, not the rehearsal.

MIL wanted a big rehearsal dinner I didn’t want a mini wedding so we had parents and bridal party with significant others only. It was under 20 people and I loved that night. It was all of our closest friends/family telling stories and laughing the whole night.

We met up with more out of town friends/family at the bar afterwards for a drink.