Aunt wants to throw shower, but she's not invited to the wedding

I'd have your mom sort this out. It's her sister and she should be able to navigate.

ETA: or maybe your mom's SIL

Simply say that's very nice of you to offer but no thank you. It's rude to invite people to a shower when they aren't invited to the wedding let alone throw you a shower.

Yikes if she is involved in any way, especially throwing you a shower, she should get an invite. Otherwise she she be told that you're having a very intimate ceremony so that she is aware.

I would simply say that you're not going to be having a shower because the wedding you're having is very tiny, with very few guests and immediate family.

Definitely don't let her hold a shower for you.

Well how did your mother respond to her? I would see if there's any way you guys could add her to the list. She obviously feels close enough to you to ask to throw you a shower, i would think it's going to hurt her feeling to find out she's not even invited.

I think I'd invite your aunt. Hurt feelings could ruin relationships and family functions for eons to come.

You cant let her host and be uninvited. Thats very rude. Maybe this is her way of trying to change your mind.

In order to keep everyone's feelings in mind, then they would have to invite all the aunts and uncles and their SO's. It's best to invite in "circles". If you invite only one aunt, then all the other people in the same "circle" may feel hurt.

You're under no obligation to invite the Aunt, OP.

You don't HAVE to have a shower. And in this case, you should probably decline one. Because anyone invited to the shower (including the host) should be invited to the wedding too.

Don't let your poor aunt throw a shower for a bride who's not inviting her to the wedding. It's fine to have the wedding size and guest list of your choosing, but have the conversation where you explain your choice with your aunt (and other family members who might be under the same assumption) sooner rather than later.

I agree with PP. Please do not let your aunt throw you a shower if she isn't invited to your wedding. We all know the saying, "If you invite one, you invite them all." I'm pretty sure that once it's explained to her that your wedding is an intimate affair, she will understand. But please tell her soon. The longer you wait the more likely she is to get hurt because now she is under the impression she is coming to the wedding.

I would talked to your mother and see if your aunt knows how small the wedding will be. If your aunt fully knows that she won't be invited and still feels that she wants to do the party that is her choice although most people would disagree. Maybe your aunt just wants to feel involved in some way

It's completely inappropriate for someone to host a bridal shower and then not be invited to the wedding. I think your mom should handle it, respectfully decline and explain that the wedding is intimate.

I would not accept the offer of her throwing a shower knowing she won't be invited. If you tell her she's not invited and then say it's up to her if she wants to throw it, it puts her in an awkward position so decline the shower personally

Thanks for the advice everyon. She is definitely close to both me and FH, but we have a lot of aunts uncles and cousins that we are close to, but we are keeping coats down, so we thought it would be best to not invite any of them. I will have my mom talk to her, since she went to my mom about this in the first place.

Ummm does your mom know your aunt isn't invited? This seems strange.

If you have a close enough relationship to her that she wants to throw you a shower, I would also reconsider inviting her. If you choose not to invite her, I would politely decline the shower. Your mom should also help you navigate this, assuming this is her sister.

My mom and EMIL plus most of my extended family know that we are only inviting immediate family. I just haven't talked to my aunt since wedding decisions and have been made so she doesn't know. Unfortunately we both have large extended families and if we invite my aunt we have to invite all aunts and uncles and it completely throws off our budget.

You probably shouldn't have a shower either if you plan on inviting any of those aunts or relatives who are not invited to the wedding. Those invited to the shower get invited to the wedding.

You can burn bridges either way here. Hi Amanda, I'm in the same boat. We are having a private destination wedding with immediate family and maybe a couple close friends each. Looking at 20 or less. All of our other relatives were informed that our destination wedding is for immediate family only, and we will have a reception celebration back home for all friends/family. My mom informed me that my aunts wanted to throw me a bridal shower, and I declined thinking this was the best thing to do since the aunts were not invited to the wedding. However, I then received a call from my mom a few days later saying that a couple of my aunts felt hurt that I declined the shower offer and they were really looking forward to getting together before my wedding. I felt horrible hearing that, so I told them to go ahead with planning a bridal shower as long as it was more of a casual get together (no presents). I am fairly close with my aunts and I feel honored that they want to do something for me in honor of our wedding.

If your aunt still wants to host a bridal shower for you after it has been made absolutely clear that your wedding is private and there will be no exceptions, then I honestly don't see the harm. It sounds like your aunt is excited for you and wants to celebrate with you before the big day!

Good luck with your decision. Hope it all goes over well for you!