Attending a wedding not knowing anyone/feeling uncomfortable

Why is when he left your wedding making you more uncomfortable? If you don’t know anyone else going, just text back “oh just sit me wherever” and be done. I’m not a fan of head tables, and it would make me uncomfortable to sit without H if I knew no one because I suffer from social anxiety, but I don’t know why the other stuff is relevant.

View Quoted Comment I have social anxiety too. I guess when you're in such a anxious state you start overanalyzing everything else and start making up these weird scenarios in your head of oh maybe this happened because of this and that and then yeah. So I got the text of where do you want to sit, and then started thinking there was a reazon they wanted to leave early. Idk. I've moved from New Zealand to America two months ago and I don't know a soul at the wedding and in general have found the people here in America to be friendly but I guess the cultural language different? Im somewhere between culture shock, heavy anxiety and trying to be okay. Idk maybe it's not relevant

As anyone, I really would hate to be separated from my fiance or husband especially if I don't know anyone. But in this current situation, as the groom won't grant an exception to have you sit at the head table, I would just say, "That's fine. I'll just sit wherever." Not much you can do unfortunately with the whole situation, besides communicating your discomfort to your husband.

I'm sorry, that guy sounds rude or extremely awkward. Your husband might be able to sway him to have you sit next to him - it's not unreasonable to ask. Otherwise, sit wherever and try to enjoy meeting new people. Once the dinner part is over people tend to move around and mingle, so you can meet back with your husband.

We tend to analyse everything to a faultnand read what is not there. If you would be more comfortable sitting next to a woman to chat with say that. Or ask to be paired with someone else who is by themselves and pair up with them so you are not the third wheel. If you just got married you should have lots to talk about. If I were lucky enough to be seated next to someone new to my country and just married I would definitely strike up a conversation. They would not feel alone. People want to chat and meet someone new. Come in with a few conversation starters already planned and you will have a fun

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I know the feeling, and honestly, I have to say the fact that your H's friend isn't being compassionate about it makes my blood boil. I am still stuck over how you mentioned that his friend 'allowed' your H to stay with you in your hotel room. There is nothing to allow, you are married, and if you are invited to the wedding, you two stay in your room together. That just sounds silly to me... allowed.

It's also not fair when anyone does a head table with no couples, especially when you don't know anyone. I'd maybe ask if any of the other significant others in the party who aren't at the head table should sit together, at least that way you all have something in common to start conversation off of. But I agree with PP's, this friend should let you sit with your husband.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP! Maybe talk to H and have him talk to his friend, it's not right that you're being treated this way. Cultural differences or not, there's no excuse for common human decency.

View Quoted Comment That's what I will try to do. I feel so awkward that all the guests has a seat assigned for them to sit but because I am the only wife of a groomsmen I don't have an assigned seat and get asked where to sit at an event I don't even know anyone at. In my mind I'm thinking am I even really welcomed here? But I could be over thinking that too.

View Quoted Comment H did talk to his friend and last night he finally said we could get a hotel room together but that's it. Getting one last minute in Chicago is not cheap but at least we can spend the two nights together. I don't think compassionate is in their repertoire. At our wedding his mum told me oh I don't know how we are going to top your wedding in two weeks when it's my sons wedding, apparently we were competing? It threw me big time. H has told me to just ignore that but everything else combined I'm feeling awkward now.

I think you’re kind of projecting your frustrations from his early departure from your own wedding and spiraling a bit. Pause, breathe, try to isolate that incident and forget about it (at least for now).

Head tables are obnoxious for this very reason, and yet, they’re still common. So, it’s not personal. From the perspective of “how the heck should I know where else I’d want to sit?! I just want to sit by my husband,” his text seems obnoxious, however, from HIS perspective, he was probably trying to be nice. Like, “here’s a heads up that this is how we’re doing bridal party seating. Unfortunately we can’t sit you here but it is what it is, it’s just how we’re doing it for whatever reasons we have. Because I know you don’t know anyone else, I’m trying to be considerate and figure out where best to sit you so you’ll be the most comfortable, so maybe you have some insight”

id probably deflect to a joke in response (bc the alternative is “how the heck should I know?!”), and just say “whereever is fine, just as long as I’m not stuck at the kids’ table”
Alternatively— does FH know others at the wedding? Is there a group of old friends at all? You could request to sit with them if so. At least there would be some common ground.
If not, it will be okay. I’ve been in all sorts of odd seating arrangements at weddings and I’ve never known anyone to be jerks. There’s usually some casual, friendly getting to know you type conversation over dinner. And, that’s the only part you’re necessarily stuck sitting there for— eating (occupied anyway), speeches (occupied listening anyway), and then you’re free to roam. Let your husband know you’re a little uncomfortable, and he should make the effort to check up on you/spend time with you.
Make an effort to try to meet some people at the RD tonight while mingling with the protective comfort of your FH, so then you’ll have some familiar faces tomorrow at the wedding

Sure its awkward, but, it doesn’t have to ruin your night. For what it’s worth, I’ve been sat at a lot of mixed tables over the course of my wedding attending career, some more fun than others, but survived them all. You end up talking to the person next to you mostly anyway, even if it’s table of friends— it’s hard to have a conversation across the table. As a ‘friend’ I’ve been sat with a bunch of random cousins— weird, but fine— we were able to connect on the person we knew in common (bride) and they had some awkward childhood stories that were fun to listen in on. Growing up at all of the cousin weddings from one part of my family, they would sit us with their mutual cousins from the other side of their family, bc we were all roughly the same age, but that was almost worse than random strangers bc even though I barely know them from a hole in the wall, we don’t have the standard set of getting to know you questions (bride/groom, how do you know them, and the old where are you from, what do you do). The last wedding I was at I knew a ton of people but the friend group was divided into 2 tables and I was sat with a mix of people that I know the most ( hang out with all the time) and the least (Dont really know at all) and not with the people that I wanted to see the most (the out of town group) — so after lovely dinner, I spent most of my time hanging out by the bar with the out of town friends from
the other table.

Its more or less the nature of weddings— 20 minutes of forced conversation then you’re free to abandon the table for the rest of the night.

View Quoted Comment I wouldn't worry about it- who cares? It's their problem, not yours. You're there to support your husband so he doesn't have to go alone. I wouldn't sweat what other people may or may not think of you.

He doesn't sound like he was the greatest best man to your husband, which is sad. Unfortunately this is just something people have to deal with when spouses are in a wedding. I am NOT a fan of head tables AT ALL. You don't know anyone at all going to the wedding, not even a little? I'd just ask to be sat with people your age, in a similar friend group? The good thing is, you'll only be at the table for speeches & dinner, then when dinner is over you can hangout with your husband again.

That situation would give me a bit of social anxiety as well. you might meet some awesome people at the rehearsal that you can chat with through dinner. If not, it will probably only be an hour or so for dinner. If the couple is visiting tables your husband can probably stop by and chat for a few minutes during that time. Have fun!

I was in a wedding this Fall and the bride didn't invite my FH to rehearsal dinner and had a head table during dinner and didn't ask where he wanted to sit and FH was so uncomfortable. Now it's my wedding and I invited her husband to all events and she was like "of course he's coming" or "of course he's sitting with me" because they're married. (we were engaged during her wedding) and it kind of made me mad, I wanted to retract his RD invite but obviously I had to be the bigger person because I have all of our BP plus ones for RD. The not staying in the same room thing is weird though, some people don't understand how serious marriage is. FH and I aren't the type to just go our separate ways for big events so it annoys me when people don't understand that, but some people are more chill like that so I guess it's a difference in personalities too.

I think the groom is pretty rude. But, you're definitely reading more into it by the leaving an hour early incident. If I were in your guys's shoes, I would never honor a request that requires me to leave or stay at any time at a party. And, I wouldn't think it's even something I would dare to ask. At the same time, I would not ever honor a request that requires me to sleep with the bridal party on any day unless I choose to. Being part of the wedding doesn't require this. It's just standing next to you at the ceremony. That's it.

But, back to the actual question - I would ask my husband about some friends of his that are coming and not at the head table, so I would ask to be with them. If that's not the case, then anywhere except kids table.

Honestly, I'm sure them leaving your wedding early had nothing to do with if he likes you or not. My FH was a groomsman in a wedding and we left by 9 because we also had a long drive home. Not everything in life is always connected. As others have sort of said, that has come and gone and I'd forgive and forget since it seems to make your feelings towards the friends sour still. I think it was rude of your husbands friend to assume you'd stay the night alone somewhere.

I'd ask to sit at a table off to the side or possibly a table close to the wedding party if you can. I'd just have a drink and relax, dinner is the only time you have to be away from your husband. Once dinner is over you can be together again and thats that.

Are any of the other groomsmen bringing dates? If so, I'd ask to be seating with one or more of them. You already have something in common, the couple, and that could start conversation. It sounds like you treated people well at your wedding. Too bad this couple didn't learn from that.

Hello from back home

You're definitely overthinking everything, it's easy to do when you're stressed/upset. Take a step back and breathe. Most of this is unrelated and nothing to do with your relationship with them, I think he probably is just trying to be polite about asking where you want to sit. Just let him know you have no preference so whoever they think you'll get along with will be great.