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Akirah
Dedicated October 2019

Attendants for second wedding

Akirah, on February 12, 2019 at 12:07 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
My FH and I are newly engaged and super excited about a small wedding (less than 50 people). We’re both on the fence about having attendants, as it will be the second wedding for both of us. Does anyone have any thoughts on the pros and cons for having attendants for a second wedding? I guess a part of me wonders if it’s tacky...

if I did have bridesmaids, I would want to keep their responsibilities very limited. I don’t plan to have a bachelorette party or bridal shower or anything like that. Thoughts?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Jeanie, on February 12, 2019 at 10:58 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Whether it’s a first, second, or 46th wedding, choosing whether or not to have attendants should be treated the same. If it’s important to you to have your closest friends standing next to you on your big day, have them. If you want the intimacy of just you and your FS at the altar, invite your friends as guests.
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I don't think it is tacky to have a bridal party for your second wedding. I think you should do whatever makes you and FH happy. Do y'all have any children? If so, they could make a super sweet bridal party too.

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  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
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    Huh? I don’t think it’s tacky at all. I’ve never heard of such a thing. I would only think it would be odd if one of your BM’s was the sister or cousin of your first spouse.
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  • Akirah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Akirah ·
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    No children. But you’re right; that would be cute!
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    It's not tacky and the decision is totally up to the two people getting married.

    There are things to consider though, as always (relationships and burden placed on the attendants). My brother-in-law and my husband are not close, but my BIL had my husband as one of his groomsmen in his first wedding and his second wedding less than 2 years later (I think the groom had all the same attendants twice). So, two times the travel (both were destination weddings), tux rental, etc., for the sake of family, in less than than two years. It felt very inconsiderate.

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  • Akirah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Akirah ·
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    I guess I feel a tad insecure about a second wedding in general. I’ll need to really process the fact that we are truly allowed to do what we want...regardless of the fact that it’s our second wedding. Thank you!
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  • Akirah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Akirah ·
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    Mmmm I can see that. I don’t foresee any similar issues in our situation, but I guess I do feel a little weird that the two friends I’d want as BMs stood with me for the first wedding reception. But maybe that just shows how constant and supportive they’ve been during multiple seasons of my life.
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  • Jessica
    Expert March 2019
    Jessica ·
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    This is my second wedding and I am having a bridal party.
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  • C
    Devoted June 2019
    C R ·
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    This is the second wedding for both of us, and we are in our early 50's. We are not having a bridal party, and in fact are dispensing with most of the usual traditions, except that we are having a big, fun celebration with great food, drinks & music with probably 100-120 people.

    The great part about a second wedding? There really are no expectations! There are so many different versions and levels of formality and traditions that you really get to call your own shots and make it whatever the two of you want! Really, anything goes....
    Have fun!
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  • Jenna
    Dedicated August 2019
    Jenna ·
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    We aren't having a traditional wedding party, just having my 8 year old daughter and 14 year old son stand with us the day of. We each only had 1 person stand with us at our first weddings too so just not a priority for us I guess.

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  • HayMrsO
    Master October 2018
    HayMrsO ·
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    This was our second wedding. I chose to only have my BFF as MOH and bonus daughter as bridesmaid, my husband had his 2 sons as groomsmen. I simply did not want to deal with the drama of a wedding party. I told my MOH what the colors were and told her she could get whatever dress she wanted. Hopefully something she could wear again. I know she has great style, so I was not worried a bit.

    I wanted no shower, bachelorette party or anything of the sort either. We really didn't need anything, just wanted to marry the love of my life with as little drama as possible.

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    It was a second wedding for both of us and we are both in our 40s. We went balls to the walls with the wedding and splurged on our guests. I had 3 of my dearest friends as my BMs, one of whom was my only BM for my first wedding, and my DH had his brother as his GM. I also had 3 FGs and a RB. As for the shower, my BMs hosted a couples shower for us that was a lot of fun and then my girls took me out for a spa day and dinner for my bachelorette party. Let your loved ones celebrate your new love - they want to because they love you. Enjoy!

    Attendants for second wedding 1


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  • Akirah
    Dedicated October 2019
    Akirah ·
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    What a beautiful photo! And good for you for going all out. It sounds like you had just the wedding you wanted! Smiley smile

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    Thank you! We did and I'm sure you will too!

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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    This is also my second wedding. We chose not to have a bridal party. We (mainly I) did not want the extra stress and planning involved. Instead, my son, who will be 12 at the time, will walk me down the isle and stand by my side. My two best friends have dubbed themselves “unofficial bridesmaids” because they want to help and be involved, but totally support my non-bridal party wedding. Just do what you want. If people want to judge, they don’t need to come!
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