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Just Said Yes May 2021

At the end of my rope

Ashley, on February 13, 2021 at 4:04 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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Hello all! This is a long one

buckle up!
A while back I posted about one of my bridesmaids, we’ll refer to her as “E” being sort of flakey and not really talking to me or another one of my bridesmaids, “M” (we were like the 3 amigos) for a bit now. And I’ve been concerned about “E” backing out at the last minute. Well, with everyone’s great and helpful advice (thank you) I reached out to “E” privately, as a friend, to see how she was doing. The response was not what I was hoping for. It took her a whole day to respond back and honestly sounded like an excuse to why she’s been distant. In the mean time, another bridesmaid reached out to me and told me that she didn’t feel comfortable with being in the wedding due to COVID. So, I told the remaining girls about that in hopes “E” would use that as an opportunity to tell me she didn’t want to be apart of it anymore either. Well, that didn’t happen. A couple days passed and I find out some more wonderful (sarcastic) news from “M”. I won’t go into detail about what I found out, but it has to do with “E” contacting “M”s ex fiancé. So now “M” is completely done with “E”. As I would be too. Now, with said news that I found out about, I don’t think I want “E” to be apart of the wedding. For the sake of “M”, and myself not wanting something to happen at my wedding. I feel like the friendship between all of us is just over. So, with that back story, anyone have any advice on how to tell “E” that I don’t want her apart of my day as a bridesmaid without coming off as a total A-S-S and making myself look bad in the process ? HELP!!!! IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE 😩

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Carolyn, on February 13, 2021 at 11:19 PM

Expert September 2020
Amanda · on February 13, 2021 at 4:09 PM
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I’m sorry, this sucks. As far as what to say, I’d just keep it brief and say given everything that’s happened, it’s best for everyone for her to not be a part of the wedding party. I’m assuming this will be a friendship ended but kind of sounds like it was heading that way.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 13, 2021 at 4:13 PM
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There is no way to demote a bridesmaid without ending the friendship. If you feel they all have run their course, then do that.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on February 13, 2021 at 4:33 PM
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There is really no good way to tell someone that you no longer want them to be apart of your day. It is almost always a friendship ending move. But to me it sounds like a friendship that isn't one you want to have anyways. She doesn't sound like a good person.

I had a bridesmaid who was causing problems with my other bridesmaids and because of it, it was causing me unnecessary stress. I told her that do to her selfish actions and adding stress to my plate I no longer want her to be apart of my day.
If I was you I'd give it to her straight. Tell her that do to the problems she is causing with the other bridesmaid and her lack of interest in the wedding that you no longer want her to be in the wedding. And tell her she is causing unnecessary stress for you and you don't need that.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on February 13, 2021 at 5:31 PM
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s time to have a come to Jesus meeting with her. Be blunt & to the point- tell her with the issues that she is causing & her lack of interest, it’s best she’s out of the wedding. As others have said, it’s probably going to end your relationship but it seems to have run its course.
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Super September 2021
Paige L. · on February 13, 2021 at 9:32 PM
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I would just be honest with her. Tell her that due to some things she has said to M, it would probably be best if she is no longer in your wedding.
This conversation will most likely end your friendship with E. If you are okay with that, have the conversation with E. If not, maybe you and M can work something out between the two of you where you leave E on low contact until you get through the wedding. Good luck!!
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Savvy October 2021
Carolyn · on February 13, 2021 at 11:19 PM
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I hope you don’t expect everyone to respond to your txt messages instantly, just because someone reaches out to you, that doesn’t mean you are obligated to respond back on their time. That is an unrealistic expectation and responding in a day sounds very fair for the busy and stressful lives we all lead. Everyone has their own stuff going on so it’s important to give people grace. I read your last post on this topic in which your friend apologized and informed you of her struggling with depression. ultimately your friend letting you know she is struggling with depression is much more important than a wedding that is one day of your life. If she is an important friend then learning more about depression can be a really helpful step for supporting loved ones who suffer from it. If you’re not on board to do that and would rather end the friendship at this point then I would just try to do so as soon as possible so everyone can move on and do what is best for them. Hope it all works out!
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