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Super October 2020

At odds with fiancé on scaling back guestlist

Michelle, on July 7, 2020 at 11:49 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17

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What if you are at odds with your partner on how far to scale back the guest list?

My venue holds 250, with distanced tables it’s 130. My guest list is 150 and I’m comfortable only inviting 80-100 which is both our families and family-friends. Fiancé has a lot of non-family like friends, some he’s closer to and others not but they’re in the same social circle/group chats. He had a really difficult time choosing his group of friends and felt it was an all or nothing deal.
He decided if we want it less than 100, to not invite his friends. But he was really sad about it and I felt soo bad so somehow we managed to make it 115. After some thought, the number still makes me uncomfortable but fiancé says not everyone will accept and it’s only 15 over. I’m just so scared of people getting sick and not being able to space out as much as I want. They’re all local so it’s likely they may come...

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17 Comments

Latest activity by Katharine, on July 8, 2020 at 12:26 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 8, 2020 at 12:13 AM
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That’s tough! I think I would let him have the 115. Like he said there’s a chance not all of them are gonna go.
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Dedicated December 2020
Halie · on July 8, 2020 at 12:18 AM
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I agree with Melle! Definitely plan for all to show (which venue has done with a spacing of 130), but a few here and there are bound to not show!
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 12:18 AM
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I hope so. They’re all local in town so that’s a good thing and a and thing..honestly hoping for a smaller wedding and declines. Out of the 115, I have an idea that 8 might not show due to their circumstances.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 12:20 AM
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Thanks! It’s hard to predict some comfort levels. A couple have been vocal on social media about staying home due to being high risk but as far as the rest, many seem to not be scared and live their life as if it’s normal.
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Expert February 2021
Reena · on July 8, 2020 at 12:42 AM
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My fiancé and I also are having a disagreement about 10ish people. Our original guest list was 160. We cut it to 55ish. He would like 65-70. Our plan is to hold off and see what happens when it gets a little closer to the wedding. So much can change in a few weeks, unfortunately.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 12:48 AM
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Yeah I will wait another month before mailing out invites...at least yours is under 100.
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Expert September 2020
Emily · on July 8, 2020 at 7:57 AM
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We cut from 150 to about 115, but did you account for +1s in there?
I sent invites to anyone who has an active partner with 2 seats, but for my stag friends I called and tried to be straight with them. We're already struggling trying to make this happen, here's some of the ppl you know who will be there - how do you feel about no +1?
Nearly all of my single friends were like no problemo, lady. That cut about 10-15. In our 115 we've also got some that were invite only - like both our great grandmas. They get a card to see it and we're thinking of them, they both said no, and if they'd said yes we'd have called to have a talk.Good luck with your list!
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 8:03 AM
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Yes, I’ve accounted for couples. Everyone at the wedding will pretty much know eachother or have a group they interact with. How do you feel about 115?
I’m letting fiancé have it now since it’s less than half capacity and we probably might get about 10-15 no’s. I have a feeling most friends will still come.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 8:05 AM
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Also, to clarify...no one has a +1. Couples will be invited though.
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Expert September 2020
Emily · on July 8, 2020 at 8:09 AM
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For me, I'm not as worried about a party of our friends (all under 65) and where I know they all respect our request on masks/ they all are taking the virus seriously.
I'm more concerned on my older family that don't think masks apply to them, or the ones who "don't believe" in the virus.
So think on the "quality" of those 115, not as much the quantity - how do you feel about it?
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 8:15 AM
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I feel like a lot of his friends haven’t been taking it as seriously. They traveled and went on vacation, hung out, no distancing, I’m afraid when they drink they won’t follow guidelines.
I am going to put an insert about Covid and mention masks are required by law, distancing will be enforced, please do not feel pressured to come. Maybe that will help people decline lol.

Honestly I would be relieved if maybe 30-40 declined.
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Devoted June 2021
Chelsea G · on July 8, 2020 at 8:23 AM
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I've seen a few posts here where at least half the people who RSVP'd didn't even show up so fingers crossed that might happen to you? It's such a difficult time when you envision certain people spending that day with you and they can't.
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Expert September 2020
Emily · on July 8, 2020 at 8:24 AM
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I hear you. My stats so far (invites sent maybe 2 weeks ago, due date 7.31, count due 8.11):
-invited count 115
-declined 4-yes 33-pending 77-out of the country bridesmaid is the last wildcard (probable no)
Maybe have your partner talk to his friends. No one needs to be a d*ck, but it'd be like if they were all joking about coming and getting wasted and driving others home. There's a line of - hey guys, not really a cool thing to do and that's not going to make for great memories.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 8:35 AM
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Now that I think about it, I think a lot of their mindsets have changed once we heard someone in our community our age passed away from covid. I didn’t know her but many of them used to hangout with her a lot. Yeah, I think the inserts might help them realized we mean serious business and those that want to be there will be there... the ones that are looking for an excuse for free food and party won’t lol...
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 8, 2020 at 8:36 AM
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True. I see the friends attend every wedding in the circle and they’ve always shown up, not one has ever declined....but circumstances are different. Many have gotten pregnant or have newborns this year so maybe that will be a factor as well!!
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Expert February 2021
Reena · on July 8, 2020 at 9:59 AM
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I work in healthcare and I think our number is still too big. It’s 25 total for both immediate families so we really can’t cut anymore. Good luck!
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Expert July 2021
Katharine · on July 8, 2020 at 12:26 PM
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We're down to 13 guests for our actual wedding, with 3 more (SOs of ceremony guests that we didn't have room for) for a backyard mini reception afterwards, and I'm still nervous about that many people.
I've been telling everyone to please mask up when not eating or drinking, and we're planning to encourage guests to stay outside as much as possible with the reception. Stocked up on hand sanitizer and gloves to use around the food/drink and my two bridesmaids offered to mask and glove up to serve guests food rather than having everyone serving themselves.
Also stocked up on disinfectant wipes to clean our home afterwards - door knobs, handles, anything people might be touching.
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