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Asking to be removed as a bridesmaid due to injury

Kendra, on June 24, 2022 at 1:20 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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So in 2 weeks I’m a bridesmaid in my sister in laws wedding. Unfortunately we don’t see eye to eye an certain things and while she’s never openly admitted it, I can tell she’s not a huge fan of me simply cause we have different opinions. She always been presto standoffish and now shows very limited interest in anything of mine.

With all that being said earlier this week I broke my ankle and gave her a heads up that I’m currently hurt and would be at her wedding. Her only response to this was how this is gonna really inconvenience her. Her MOH who I became quite close with over the past few months and at the bachelorette weekend had reached out to me and said I guess my sister in law was asking her about removing me from the ceremony and pictures. She was apparently concerned that I’ll be the odd ball out as I currently can’t wear the same shoes as everyone else and have to wearing a big boot which would in turn “ruin” her pictures.
My sister in law hasn’t said anything directly to me but am I wrong for thinking that this is unfair? Like if a bridesmaid got hurt before my wedding I wouldn’t be concerned about the odd ball out in my pictures and how her footwear would impact my pictures. I’d want her to do whatever she did to get better and would want her to be included in my special day. Im curious to peoples thoughts so I can realize if I'm the one who should have my mind thinking elsewhere. Thanks!

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on June 27, 2022 at 2:32 PM

Master July 2022
Imani · on June 24, 2022 at 1:27 PM
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Sorry to hear about your ankle. Can’t believe your SIL is more worried about a nice photo op than your well-being. If you’ll be hurt and you no longer want to be in the wedding, I’d think it would be okay for you to be a guest. However, don’t allow her attitude determine the reason you don’t participate, bc it not an inconvenience. The photos will turn out just fine. Boot or no boot.
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Lady · on June 24, 2022 at 2:51 PM
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I woudln't back out, just carry on as you normally would. Come in the dress and whatever shoes you can handle. She's ridiculous if she this will "ruin' anything or asks you not to be part of the pictures or ceremony.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on June 24, 2022 at 3:20 PM
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If she really is upset it's over such a non-issue. If it's a long dress (which most bridesmaid dresses are) then it will cover the boot anyway. Maybe send her a pic of yourself wearing the dress so she can see it's not a big deal? Literally no one gives a F if the bridesmaids' shoes don't all match. I say that as someone who cared a lot about what mine were gonna wear. But it also sounds like she hasn't actually "fired" you yet, so I wouldn't worry too much. Show up and perform your bridesmaid duties to the best of your ability. She should be grateful you're not backing out altogether since that's what a lot of people would do if they got injured/sick right before the event.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on June 24, 2022 at 4:05 PM
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Of course that's not fair. But what you should do next depends on if you actually want to stay in the bridal party or not. It doesn't sound like the experience has been any fun for you so far (and isn't likely to improve) and that you aren't good friends with each other anyway. So, just drop out preemptively if that would be better for you overall. If you want to stay, then I would just ignore the hearsay that she wants you out and wait for her to tell you that herself.
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Rosebud · on June 24, 2022 at 4:07 PM
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If you want to be a bridesmaid and still are feeling up to it I don't understand the issue at all . I would be surprised if she has the nerve to actually ask you step down because you hurt yourself. Unless she says something to you herself I wouldn't worry about it. I hope you have an easy and quick recovery.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on June 24, 2022 at 9:21 PM
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Has your SIL said anything directly to you about this? Or is this second hand information from her friend?
She is going to be your SIL. I would avoid drama at all costs. Doesn't sound like she was terribly sympathetic I know. A lot of wedding couples get caught up in the vision over the comfort and needs of their guests. You will have to spend time with her at family events for the rest of your life, so tread carefully.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on June 25, 2022 at 8:51 AM
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I think the difference here is that in your wedding scenario, your bridesmaids would be your closest friends. Whereas it sounds as though you and SIL aren’t very close and you were only asked out of obligation. Honestly, it doesn’t sound as though this experience has been an enjoyable one, and this injury could be the perfect opportunity for you to bow out gracefully, if you would rather not be a BM. If you want to step down, I would approach the bride out of “concern for her” and just let her know that you understand if she would prefer you attend the wedding as a guest, and there would be no hard feelings. Put the offer out there and let her decide whether she wants to take it or not.
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Super May 2022
Erin · on June 25, 2022 at 11:28 AM
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Very sorry to hear about your ankle. That is pretty crappy that your SIL is worried about optics. It sounds like she doesn’t respect you very much. Make the decision based on YOUR feelings. If being in your SIL’s wedding party is causing you a lot of emotional stress and you would feel much better being a guest, then let that be your own decision. But if you really want to be in the wedding party, don’t let her bully you into feeling like you should drop out just because of what she said.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on June 25, 2022 at 11:38 AM
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I'm sorry to hear about your ankle. It sounds like your SIL never really wanted you to be in the wedding, but asked you to be because she felt obligated to do so and now she's found what she feels is the perfect excuse to have you removed from the wedding. That being said however since she has directly said anything to you then I would still plan on being in the wedding if or until she says something. In my opinion there are plenty of ways photos can be taken without your feet showing. A good photographer would know how to capture between photos without your ankle boot being seen.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on June 25, 2022 at 4:11 PM
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So sorry to hear about your injury. This is a great example though why couples should not ask anyone, especially in-laws they don’t have a relationship with, out of obligation to be in such an important role. Your feelings are definitely valid and it only reflects badly on her to treat you as callously as she is doing. Consider this a blessing in disguise and bow out of attending. Then limit contact to family gatherings only.
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on June 27, 2022 at 2:32 PM
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Do YOU still want to be a bridesmaid? SIL aside and without knowing what you're wearing or how badly your ankle is hurt, I can't imagine having eyes on you during the processional/ recessional, standing through the ceremony, shuffling around for pictures, or taking part in the grand entrance would be enjoyable on a hurt ankle. That would be my concern if one of my bridesmaids were hurt. Given that your SIL seems to be more wrapped up in the optics of the day, it doesn't seem like a stretch to think she'd be more concerned about having even numbers on either side than your comfort.
If you still want to be in the wedding then I'd wait for your SIL to say anything and plan to be there otherwise.
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