Asking to be in the bridal party

You can cancel the WP as your event is now entirely new, and fast approaching. No WP is becoming more common as the focus is more on the couple. I moved my wedding up for reasons similar to yours. I released my 3 ladies due to stressful time crunch and they were relieved they could wear their choice of clothes (weight gain worries). No shower, no bachelorette, again time crunch.


Have a dry wedding. Your reasons are a lifestyle choice and your guests should be respectful. I don't think you should worry about this, but talk it over with your partner since some hosts are very particular about type of bar. Good luck.

Just reread you both are sober. By all means, celebrate in the way you want. Best wishes

Some friends were offended but I choose my childhood best friends. They’ve been in several weddings and are already married so they understand the amount of stress that goes into planning. They also understand the cost of things!


I’m super direct but tactful so I would tell your bridesmaids that are causing issues that if they don’t want to pay for certain things, they don’t have to be in the wedding. And at the end of the day it’s about you and your groom. Full stop!

There’s nothing wrong with celebrating anything sober. I’d say maybe do a day trip with different activities planned. That would sound fun to me. At your wedding, if you decide not to have alcohol, I think it is perfectly acceptable for recoveries to not have alcohol.

Also, I don’t know exactly who i am putting my wedding party. I’m having a girls dinner for my birthday to get my friends to get to know each other before I ask them. I’m also going to be moving to a new state, so i won’t get to see them for a lot of my planning process. If they all accept, I plan on having four bridesmaids with a MOH (total of 5).

As for my bachelorette party, I want to ask the girls if they would feel comfortable flying out to me and we could do a Air BNB for a weekend. If not, I would probably fly out to them, and we could do the same thing but in my home state. Since my FH and I have lived together for 1.5 years already, I don’t think I want a bridal shower, so I’m not planning for one of those.
If your cousins want to be bridesmaids and are willing to pay the costs with no fuss, I’d say go for it. But everyone saying just to not have a bridal party is also fine. This is your special day after all.

While it is technically a new event, it's not as if you are cancelling and scheduling at some indefinite time in the future. I don't think telling your SIL and FI's cousin that they are "out" but others are still in or in instead of them after having previously asked them is likely to go over very well, especially considering these will be life long relationships. No wedding party at all would be a safer bet.

Where are the cousins and the two women you no longer want to participate located? I think a better plan would be to present it as their choice based on the unanticipated added expense of travel if that applies. Your issue with your FI's cousin not being able to afford the dress you want was unfortunate considering you are supposed to consult the party for budget in the first place. Your options included allowing them all to wear a dress of their choice in a certain color, covering the additional cost, or letting her be the one to step down if her finances were so tight she couldn't afford anything at a reasonable price point.

What kind of problems were you having with SIL?

Only choose bridesmaids who are there to uplift you on your day, not show off or hi-jack your plans.

If you want a dry wedding, tell your guest to respect your boundaries or drink prior to/after your wedding.

Good luck!

I agree with all the other ladies. Its yours and your FH's day.
My Maid Of Honor is my best friend and ex co worker, 2 of my bridesmaids are my sister and my niece and the 3rd bridesmaid is FH's niece.

I just chose my friends at the time and my sister. Your wedding party should NOT be people of obligation or who make you uncomfy and don’t have your best interest for you wedding in mind. They should be approached by you, not the other way around. It’s pushing boundaries and putting you in a hard position.


Do a dry wedding if you want. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. We were going to because my family is full of addicts and alcoholics, but eventually decided to do an extremely limited bar (1-2 drinks per person). A dry wedding can save money that you can use elsewhere too! Like food or desserts something that can be memorable for guests!

We chose people who are currently part of our innermost supportive social circle and are the first ones who we reach out to to celebrate or vent about the relationship. It was never once a consideration to ask anyone out of obligation for any reason (we stood in their weddings, we were friends decades ago, they are in laws we have no relationship with, etc).


I had 3 bridesmaids who are all part of one friend group. We lucked out with having even numbers.
Bachelor/ette parties were local. In our social circles, destination weekend trips for bachelor/ettes are not done for a variety of reasons, and they still do the old school one night out the day before the wedding without any issues. Especially since everyone involved has to travel and they don’t have funds or PTO for extra plane tickets.
As for dry weddings, that is a completely different can of worms. If you do a search on the topic on the forum, there is inexplicable massive hostility towards them even though they are not a breach of etiquette, contrary to popular opinion. Many people have dry weddings without any issues and no guest trashes the couple behind their backs or leaves the wedding early, as the consensus says happens at every dry wedding or other event. Those who are close enough to be part of your celebration should respect the fact that you have chosen to not serve any alcohol. People who cannot enjoy themselves without it have bigger issues to deal with on their own time that is not your concern. Those same people work 6-8+ hours a day without a drop so why are you expected to violate your ethics to cater to entitled people who have no respect for your beliefs and ethics, whether that means someone abstains from alcohol due to being underage, a recovering addict, religious reasons, or they don’t like it? As long as a variety of beverages are served, there is no etiquette rule that says one or all choices must be alcoholic and it’s not impolite to do so.
We have attended many dry weddings and never once seen anyone leave early because alcohol was not served, and drinkers were in attendance. Nor did anyone have a flask in the parking lot or trash the couple for being bad people. While some receptions were subdued, an equal number were very lively and fun, because the people attending make or break the party, not the presence or absence of alcohol.