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Just Said Yes April 2021

Asking the Bridesmaids

Natalie, on December 19, 2019 at 10:07 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

So i am supposed to go to a christmas party hosted by one of my bridesmaids tomorrow (i have not asked them yet). All of my bridesmaids know they are going to be in the wedding i just havent had a chance to ask but i know they all are going to say yes so i am not worried about putting anyone on the spot. Is it ok to ask them at the party? This is the only time for a while we will all be together. I was going to do it towards the end when most people have left and it is just our small group of friends. Is this a weird way to do it? Im so excited to ask and i know we wont all be together again for at least a month or so?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Courtney, on December 20, 2019 at 8:47 PM
  • Sophie
    Devoted June 2022
    Sophie ·
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    That sounds to me like a great way to ask them!
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    1.) It's too early to ask.

    2.) I wouldn't use someone else's event to propose to your bridesmaids. I think that could come off as selfish.

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  • John Smith
    Expert February 2015
    John Smith ·
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    I think as long as you do it at the end when it's just an intimate group that should be fine, especially because you won't see them for a while and it's so much better to do it in person.

    How far out is your wedding? Will you have another opportunity?

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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    If your wedding truly is in April 2021 as your profile says, it's too early to ask bridesmaids. Despite the longevity of the friendships (and their strength) relationships can change. It's best to wait until about 10-12 months beforehand, so maybe April-June of this coming year.

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I don't think it's too early to ask if you ladies have been really great friends for years. I asked two of my close friends even though I don't even have an exact plan of what we're doing for our wedding but I've also known them for 15 years and they've seen me through the good and the bad in my life. I know that our relationship are not going to change but we are also 37. I would suggest maybe do it either before or after the party. Maybe you could come a little earlier? I gave a proposal box to my bridesmaid at her son's 3rd birthday party but even though she was in a rush to get her son home I handed it to her as she was leaving I just told her to give you a call later when she has a chance to look at it. She had no idea that I was coming but she called me a graduated me and maybe it was not the moment that I had dreamed of but with her busy schedule and mine we don't see each other often and I wanted to make sure that she had it.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I think the party would be an inappropriate time to ask. If the date on your profile is correct, you still have a bit to go before your wedding. Friendships can change in the time between now and the wedding! I would suggest waiting until at most a year out

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  • N
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Natalie ·
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    I appreciate the advice on waiting however i have been friends with everyone since day one, im not worried in the slightest about these friendships changing and as i said i am anxious to ask so although it may be a little early i am not to worried about that, i know i want to do it sooner than a year or so out i just wanted to see opinions on asking at the party itself. I am not planning on asking during the middle, as i said i would probably wait until the end when it gets down to just our smaller personal group. Thank you for your opinions though. I do like the idea of getting there early with the girls i may try for that! Smiley smile

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I'm confused about you saying they all already know they are going to be bridesmaids but you haven't asked them yet? The party doesn't sound appropriate to me and it seems like your primary motivation for asking (or "asking") then is that it's the only time you will all be together. The good news is that you don't need to have them all together to ask. You can just visit or call or text each one individually and that works well.

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  • N
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Natalie ·
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    Well we have all been best friends for years, we have talked about this day before i even got engaged, they all are pretty aware of who my wedding party will be. I also am not going to ask over text, i have gifts made up for them to ask them with so i would like to do it in person. We are all very close but we all have crazy work schedules and dont have time to get together alot so thats why i thought with us all being together it may be a good time....

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I texted my girls privately 19 months out. I texted individually to make sure they could afford it & had the time. 15 months out, I sent proposal boxes in the mail!

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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    I've been in the wedding industry for a few years now, as well as on discussion boards such as Wedding Wire, and I've seen too many posts to count about problems with the wedding party that all follow the same pattern: the bride asked her friends almost immediately after getting engaged, per the excitement, and many of them had been forever friends/friends for years/all in each other's wedding etc.


    Then, something unexpected happens (someone moves to another country, someone ends up dating another's sibling/ex/close friend, someone gets laid off, falling outs occur, and more). The point is, there's really no harm in waiting, even if you're sure things are solid. Additionally, an event that someone else is hosting (even if it's one of the bridesmaids-to-be) probably isn't the best place to publicly ask everyone. It's more than okay to confirm via text and send some kind of proposal box/make a personal call/send a lovely letter.

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  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I think as long as you don’t take away from the Hostesses party and her center of attention- sure! Maybe ask all the ladies, you plan to ask, to join you for a second and give them whatever as the proposal.....
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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Don't hijack someone else's party for your BM proposal. Even if you are all close friends, that's not cool. If you want everyone together, have your own party and ask them there. Or, as someone else suggested, just ask them each individually.

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  • Courtney
    Master December 2019
    Courtney ·
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    That's actually how I asked one of my girls last Christmas. Each year our mutual friend group as a White Elephant exchange and I rigged it so that I got her. Smiley xd

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