"Asking permission"

I'm sorry that you're going through this! That has to be hard! It was, actually, really important to me that my FH ask both of my parents if he could marry me because I'm really close to both my mom & dad. FH would've done it anyways, though, as we both came from traditional families. Neither of us saw it as him asking my parents for permission because I'm their property.. it was just a courteous thing to do so they'd know he was planning on proposing. They were in on the plans for his proposal as well, which made it special.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. No, you are not property to be given away. You don't even need someone to walk you down the aisle if you don't want that. I don't think you're being petty, but there is always the things we say and the way we say them while drinking that isn't the way we might have otherwise. If you feel comfortable with what you said, then stand by it. Your day should not be tarnished by people that have hurt you. I Personally, I won't even let my bio mom know about my wedding until it's over. We sometimes need to draw boundaries with our family members. Hopefully he let's his own hang-ups go and your day is beautiful.

Such a tough situation. In all honesty, I am surprised you are allowing him to walk you down the aisle. Him attending is one thing.. he's your father and you are working through your trauma and issues with him, but to walk you down the aisle is a whole other level of privilege that I question if he deserves. I am sure you don't want to cause drama with him, but if he is causing you this much pain, is it really worth him walking you down? He needs to be the adult in the situation and boundaries need to be established or you will never heal. You do not owe him an apology. You FH does not need his blessing. You need to step back and think about whats BEST for your mental health and make decisions that best supports that objective.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. For me and my FH it was important that my FH ask my parents for their blessing/ permission. We are both rather traditional in this. My parents knew when he was going to propose as well. I think it is super courteous to ask for permission/ a blessing. I don't view as I am someone's property either, actually I find that somewhat rude. I view it as I my FH asking for someone's blessing and knowing that they are welcoming in this new chapter and my FH into my family as well.

I agree with Melle. Our officiant took that part out of the script. I love my dad, but he hasn't always been there for me. FH and I don't care much for traditions. My dad could never "give me away" especially considering the fact he was rarely around anyway. I'm walking down that aisle alone, and I feel good about it too!!

My dad and I have a strange relationship, mostly because I think its hard for him to see me as anything but the little girl I used to be. So with anything that comes to my relationships he's generally been pretty hands off. I actually am a lot closer with my mom and it was more important for me that FH asked her instead of my dad. But FH sat both of them down and asked more of just a courtesy so that they weren't caught off gaurd. And to get my mom in on it. It didn't quite work, because my dad was still completely shocked when I called him to tell him. I haven't ever really heard my dad be speechless. My dad will be walking me down the aisle, but I wont have my grandpa (our officiant) ask who gives this girl away, because it my decision to marry FH.

In your case, I 100% see why your fiance didn't ask your father. I wouldn't want my fiance asking if I didn't have a great relationship with my dad. My husband asked my father, he knew I wanted him to and I knew my dad would appreciate it, but I have a great relationship with my father. So for you, I would just stop talking or involving your dad with anything wedding related. Good for you for telling him he is not walking you down the aisle!

First, congratulations! Secondly, I am so sorry that this is your experience.

Personally, I wanted my fiance to ask my parent for my hand in marriage. I believe in tradition and wanted the respect and support in my new chapter. However, the catch is that my father is totally absent. So, I did ask my fiance to ask my mom - which, He did. My dad is not getting an invite at all.

If your personal want was to have your fiance just ask YOU, don't fault yourself for it whatsoever especially, given the history. I would have a sober conversation with your father and just say to him, "My fiance and I hoped to move away from tradition. It was not about disrespecting you or making you feel left out but wanting to make sure that WE were comfortable in OUR life decisions. I would love for you to walk me down the aisle and be as participatory as possible but I also don't want this time to be tainted with your frustration either. It is my hope that we can all move on, together, as one family and embrace a new chapter."

I hope this helps and hang in there!

I'm sorry your father is like this.

My father probably would have told me not to marry anyone who asked his permission.

Do you absolutely have to have your father walk you down the aisle? It doesn't sound like you enjoy his company all that much.

I resect you for allowing him to walk you down the aisle just to keep the peace in your family! I wouldn't only because my mental stability and past wouldn't allow it.

As far as he being asked I think you handled that (although drunk) and there is no need to beat a dead horse any further. Just let him know what color suit he needs to wear, what time he needs to be there and expect nothing more.

I wish you two the best and Good luck on your wedding day!

My fiance and I discussed marriage and got engaged intimately between us one special evening. Well my mom went crazy and said that I wasn't "truly engaged" because my fiance didn't speak to her, my stepdad or my dad about marriage. My mom and stepdad hasn't helped me financially since I moved out four years ago so asking for my hand doesn't make any sense. My fiance and I live together for peet's sake so why it was so important for everyone to be in the loop in order to celebrate my engagement was beyond me.

My mom complained about it so much my fiance got fed up and just played into it. He had a huge surprise proposal which I appreciate tremendously, however, I would've been fine the way it was. My mom wants to control and have her hand in everything which puts a damper on everything.

So I totally understand how you feel. It sucks & I wouldn't apologize either.