Morgan
Devoted June 2018

Asking people about rsvp before deadline?

Morgan, on April 19, 2018 at 4:28 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
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This might be kind of confusing, but stay with me!! We're doing a destination wedding in October and we have our RSVP deadline as May 25th (per the hotel). So many more people than we expected have been telling us they were going to come. We now have to add extra rooms if we want all our guests to get the cheaper pricing with shuttles included (yes it is actually cheaper I checked the travel websites).

I have a handful of people already who verbally committed and were really excited that have said they now can't go. If I have unused rooms, I have to pay for one night of each room that isn't used. So if I have like 10 extra rooms that adds up. That being said I can't wait to add them until a week before the deadline because the hotel needs them.

Is there a polite way for me to ask some of the people who verbally committed already if they're still planning to make it? I just have a lot of people who verbally committed, but I need to know if they were serious so I can add more rooms. I'm not trying to rush anyone, I just want to make sure everyone is able to get in the room block who is interested/we aren't wasting $1,000 on people who aren't planning to come.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Amanda, on April 24, 2018 at 8:51 PM
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I already think a May RSVP date for an October wedding is asking A LOT of your guests, so no, I don’t think you can check with them before the RSVP date.
    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
    • Flag
    If it was a dear friend then yeah I would do it. Someone my parents invited, nah. Yes it's rude and blah, but it is what it is. I would frame it that the hotel is selling out.

    My question is, what is needed from them to secure this? $$
    • Reply
  • Morgan
    Devoted June 2018
    Morgan ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    These are all people I know pretty well and I'm only talking about asking people who have said they were coming (without me asking) and haven't booked yet. On my side only my fiance can do whatever he thinks is best with his. It's a $50 deposit for the room so they just have to email in their info to our travel agent.

    • Reply
  • S
    Devoted January 2019
    S ·
    • Flag

    Maybe let them know that if they can give you a definite RSVP by the date you need, you can help them get the lower rate and the shuttle, and that they are still welcome to book later if they cannot yet commit but might not get the lower rate and the shuttle.

    • Reply
  • hi_bride
    Dedicated October 2018
    hi_bride ·
    • Flag
    Are they able to just book the rooms on their own? This seems so stressful!
    • Reply
  • BrandiWeds18
    VIP May 2019
    BrandiWeds18 ·
    • Flag

    I say hold out until you can't do so anymore. Offering them this cheaper price and shuttle is a favor. Reach out to those you haven't heard from, since this is a special scenario to me, and let them know the cheaper rate is only available until x day and you would like to know if they would like one of those rooms. In the end, you may have some people change their mind about being able to attend (i sure hope not though). So still not sure this is 100% fail proof. If they don't respond by the day you gave them then they can purchase the room at the cost it normally is. That way they don't feel pressured to over commit too soon and change their mind.

    • Reply
  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Since it's 'only' $50, I would reach out and tell them the rooms are almost gone. I for one would appreciate the heads up.
    • Reply
  • Sydney
    Expert May 2019
    Sydney ·
    • Flag
    I'd maybe gently let some people know that you only reserved X number of rooms, and after that number has been taken up by people who RSVP, you will not be reserving any more rooms until you receive more "yes" RSVPs.
    • Reply
  • Morgan
    Devoted June 2018
    Morgan ·
    • Flag

    Alright so what I've decided to do is not ask anyone. I'm going to call my mom and if she knows about a handful of people and we're just going to wing it.

    Thanks everyone!

    • Reply
  • dancingwiththekumars
    Expert May 2018
    dancingwiththekumars ·
    • Flag
    We are having a destination reception in Puerto Rico. We do not have any hotel blocks and Im glad we didnt. A lot of people recently booked and our event is on May 12! They wouldve never made any deadline. And our invited went out in 2017...

    From our experience, we invited 100 and only 50 are coming. You really cant count people unless they are actually BOOKED. So many waited too late, prices went up, or their work said no, etc. and they canceled their rsvps.

    If you need to, yes reach out one by one. Let them know dest weddings are usually confirmed more in advance than local weddings.
    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Totally agree with this comment. Maybe you can work something out with the hotel.
    • Reply
  • Melissa
    Expert June 2018
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    I would let everyone know there are a limited number of rooms available at the discount rate and after they are booked (on a first come first served basis) that they will be full price and there's a risk of the hotel selling out. This should encourage your guests to book early while letting you off the hook for a bunch of extra rooms.

    If you're running out of rooms well before the deadline, you know you could add a few.
    • Reply
  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha ·
    • Flag

    I had that problem when trying to plan our DW - So I went with a different venue (not our dream venue) just so we didn't have to push or stress our guests out. I too think May deadline to an October wedding is asking a lot. I am not sure how comfortable I would be to ask early but in your case I don't see a lot of options.

    Be aware that either way some people might back out. We had FH's brother and aunt (both with family) changing their minds after the deadline because of personal issues, like I said, I did pick a venue that wasn't going to give me issues about those cases, and they dealt with their cancellations themselves. Thankfully I had time to finalize caterer's headcount after I heard the news and we won't be paying for them.

    • Reply
  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·
    • Flag

    In my experience, a lot of guests verbally say they will go to a destination wedding, but don't. Once they price out the flights and hotels, they change their mind. Or, they find out they can't get time off from work. Or, they can't find childcare for several days. I wouldn't stress over this.

    • Reply
  • Morgan
    Devoted June 2018
    Morgan ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Yeah unfortunately it seems like it's just the way a lot of these travel companies work. I'm going to bring our room count down (assuming some people will not book in time) and just kind of cross my fingers. We're not going to bug the guests, but once the the deadline gets close I'll send a courtesy reminder to people who have said they plan to come and haven't booked.

    • Reply
  • Sully
    Dedicated April 2019
    Sully ·
    • Flag

    Looks like you have decided on your plan of action. But I wouldn't be offended or think it was rude if you asked or mentioned the issue with the room block and pricing. I actually would rather get the cheaper price than care about being asked before the RSVP date if I was definitely going.

    And for a destination wedding a May RSVP date does not seem like a crazy request for an October wedding. I was invited to a wedding in November and the date to book/RSVP is April. I didn't think that was a long time. Being a guest at a destination wedding takes more planning and prep. And also I was totally planning on going to this destination wedding, but once I priced out the hotel and flights I realized it wasn't attainable with my own wedding expenses coming up so it is very possible that some of the people who said yes verbally might need to back out. I probably wouldn't get the extra rooms unless you are certain all the people who verbally said yes are still willing and able.

    • Reply
  • ISaidHallYes
    VIP November 2018
    ISaidHallYes ·
    • Flag

    I would not be offended at all. I may not be able to 100% commit but I would understand. I think letting everyone know about the discount price and that it may sell out would be a good heads up. Then if they book great. If not then they miss the discounted price.

    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated May 2018
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    We had a similar issue - we had to release our unused rooms 6 months before the wedding - DW resorts have different timelines (which I'm super you're experiencing!)

    We personally called anyone we thought was 'highly likely' to book/attend and reminded them of the date. for those that we figured were out, we let them be and didn't follow up until after our deadline.

    Your contract should state when you have to release by - we weren't on the hook for any of the unused rooms as long as we released them by a certain date and we did release about 4 rooms 5 days before the date. we also had our RSVP date 3 weeks before the release date because people fail at RSVPing.

    check your group contract to review how much and when you become responsible for the rooms. call your top guests who have shown interest and you believe will book and see if you can get them to commit before your deadline (stating the discounted rate expires about 1-2 week before your drop-dead deadline with the resort...

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