Asking officiant

Thank you Jsarge ;-) I have rules about making me cry before 5:00 PM but I'll let it go, lol!

My FH and I asked one of his hunting camp members to be our officiant. He is a retired judge and has been a officiant for many weddings and he is a long time friend of my FH family. When we asked him he could not have been happier to do it for because he loves my FH and I!

Maybe it's my personal bias from experience but I prefer a friend to a pro. As long as you're willing to take on the responsibility of making sure everything is in order, legal or otherwise. Personally every wedding I've been to (not that many to be fair) with a pro officiant has seemed impersonal to me. Whereas the ones with a friend or family member have been better. Maybe the pros in those cases were bad but it has impacted my decision to ask a family member to officiate for us. I did write two scripts: one that is completely done and one that has the legal requirement and nothing else. That way if he wants to write his own he can (and has expressed interest in) but he wouldn't have too if it felt overwhelming.

As for asking, we just asked. Kept it casual so there wasn't added pressure, but still nice because it is an important thing.

My dad (a pastor of 30+ years) will be officiating our wedding and I actually forgot that I needed to ask him. I've spent my life watching him marry other couples and dreamed of the day that he would do my own wedding. It wasn't until a month into the planning that we were watching football together and during a commercial break he broached the subject: "So... have you guys thought about who you want to perform your wedding?" I just stared at him for a second realizing that maybe he didn't know that I always wanted him to do it. "Well... you?" He laughed and was excited to say that he would be honored. I know that it'll be an emotional day for him, but I can't imagine anyone else guiding me and FH through our vows.

All that to say, a casual conversation couldn't hurt, but if your grandfather has never done weddings before, it may be a good idea to have a solid backup that does have experience. I think Celia has great advice for how to include him without putting too much pressure on him.

@Kelsey, I think there is a thin but important line between being your friend and being your officiant, and it's a vital one because (kind of like coming here and giving/getting opinions....) I can be honest with people about their choice of readings, the construction of their vows (though I try to tread really lightly there), how to keep 3 sets of divorced parents from killing each other and why being outside when its 50 degrees will make your guests grumpy and insane.

I consider my couples my clients, but in some cases they become my unofficial congregation too...I've done baby welcomings, memorial services and pet funerals for couples I've married, so there is a thread, but I wouldn't call it a typical friendship, nor do I think that's the most productice relationship for a vendor and a couple.

That's super sweet! I would recommend also looking into other officiants in your area, that way you have another alternative that you still like. FH's grandfather agreed to do ours, but then decided that it was too much for him. I think it's great if it works and your family member feels comfortable playing that role!