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Kaylee
Beginner August 2022

Asking my moh to step down?

Kaylee, on August 10, 2020 at 12:37 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
So I asked one of my best friends to be my MOH about 6 months ago. Well since then things have happened in our friendship that I don’t think we will recover from. At this point she has distanced herself from our friend group, and this isn’t the first time she’s done thing we all are over it.i have officially made up my mind that I want to ask her to step down as MOH and not have her in my wedding at all. I know it’s a friendship killer and at this point I’m fine with it. I’m just not sure how to word it to her. Has anyone experienced this or know anyone that has, what did you say ?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on August 10, 2020 at 2:59 PM
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Wow, stuff spot to be in. I'm so sorry.

    I think the best thing to do is to call her and just be honest and let her know that what she did was not acceptable and unfortunately you are making the difficult decision and letting her know that her being in your wedding isn't the right thing.

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  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with the suggestions in the previous comment. Sorry that you are going through this! Also, has she bought her dress yet or made any wedding-related purchases? You might want to offer to refund her for those if she is unable to return them.
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  • Jessica
    Master September 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I’m sorry you’re in this position. I’ve had some drama with my MOHs too and I’ve wished I hadn’t asked them so early because I would have done things differently, but I asked them both for a reason and still want both of them up there with me. If this is a completely irreparable friendship and no longer means anything to you, it’s best you just be honest with her like Margaret suggested. Friendships tend to change over time, and obviously I don’t know the whole story, but there was a reason you asked her to be MOH in the first place. Maybe your friendship has run its course, but personally, I wouldn’t throw away a friendship before I sat down and truly tried to repair it.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Hey doll. I am sorry for this but I think maybe to call her because I feel texting is kind of a crap way to do it like a break up. I think just explain that you feel that some things have been said and done to where you understand why she is distancing herself and maybe it is best that she no longer be the maid of honor. Probably at this point she is not expecting to be MOH...would be surprised. You could even if you wanna take the burden off of you ask her if she still wants to be MOH...I would be surprised if she said yes.

    Do you still want her even as a guest at your wedding?

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  • Kaylee
    Beginner August 2022
    Kaylee ·
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    The thing is I have tried to repair it and I’ve given her time and I’m done at this point. I’m the type of person that I’m not going to keep trying to be her friend if it’s clearly one sided.
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  • Kaylee
    Beginner August 2022
    Kaylee ·
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    We haven’t even been able to go look for dresses cause she really has been speaking to any of us.
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  • Kaylee
    Beginner August 2022
    Kaylee ·
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    The problem with the situation I’m in is her husband said some offensive things to my fiancé and me as well as a few people in the group and we no longer speak to him and I understand she feels awkward about the whole thing but I thought we got past it cause she opened back up to us. And all the sudden out of how where she stopped talking to us again and I know if I ask her to step down we will no longer be friends. And since I didn’t really want to invite her husband but out of curiosity I still did I definitely don’t think they would come.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Hmmm...I think the best thing to do is to speak to her. I would ask her first that you have noticed she has kind of stopped talking to us is everything okay? I would ask her does she still want to be MOH. I say that because then the pressure is not on you to remove her. However, I would not want her husband at my wedding if he insulted people so if you were to still allow her to be MOH that means he gets an invite as she may take offense to being asked to attend without him.

    Now if you are at a point of you are at peace with the friendship ending then I would communicate with her that you appreciate all she has done in regards to the wedding but you feel it best that she come as a guest. Truthfully if I were removed I would not come to the wedding so you are right they may not come. Now it sounds to me like she distanced herself which is why I guess I am on the side of asking her does she still want to be MOH. She may say no. Question for you is if she still wants to be MOH do you want her to? If not, then I would let her know that you thank her for everything she has done for you and you have noticed she has distanced herself from you and the other people. You would like her to attend your wedding as a guest rather than as part of the bridal party.

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  • Molly
    VIP September 2020
    Molly ·
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    I would just flat out say you do not want her at your wedding or to be your made of honor. Be blunt and honest so there is not any confusion.

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  • B
    Super October 2020
    Brittany ·
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    Goodness, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now!! Honestly, I would just tell her. Rip off the bandaid in a sense, you know? It will be painful and I am sorry about that! But I think it would be better than beating around the bush.

    I just had to do this to my MOH. She is getting married herself in Sept. (to a guy I don't like), we have been friends for 8 years now. I had to be upfront and ask her if she wanted to be in the wedding or not and gave her a choice. Now, I know your situation is a little different because I am still friends with her just not as close to her as we used to be.

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