Asking guests to rsvp nicely

As the host, it's your job to track down responses when people don't RSVP. If you don't hear from someone, you'll need to call or text to confirm. Did you include RSVP cards and envelopes in your invitation or are you counting on the QR code? Some people may not understand that QR code part. If you're relying on the code, I would say something like "please RSVP by (date) using the QR code"

Just as FYI, you can't really tell people how to post on your thread.

Honestly if they don't rsvp by the deadline you will have to reach out to them either by calling them or texting them. Calling would probably be the best option because they can easily ignore a text. On the invitation you'd just say please rsvp by "date." You can't force them to rsvp but you can ask them to reply by that date and if they don't follow up as I suggested. If it ends up being a lot of people I would divide task between you and your fiance. If guests can't give a straight answer if you do have to resort to calling or texting them then I would calmly and nicely tell them then unfortunately you will have to count them as not attending.

The added language is confusing and wrongly implies that Rsvp is not a serious request. If you want them to "respectfully Rsvp" then obviously they do know what Rsvp means. Not only is the extra language not necessary, it would be a faux pas. You risk coming across as distrustful and annoying the people who would not consider being "disrespectful" or "disrespectfully Rsvping" as the case may be. Not to mention, it's not likely to work. Those who are going to be rude, will be rude, regardless.

Unfortunately, like many other couples, it's par for the course that you will just have to contact some non-responders.

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Thank you for your reply. I'm only using QR code and asked to scan to RSVP. I can see the older crowd not knowing, but I'm sure they have kids or grandkids that are pretty smart when it comes to technology. Also, I put what I wanted on my post because some people fail to answer the question and put things that the poster didn't even ask which is frustrating and I'd rather them not respond at all,

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Thanks. I understand, that's why the RSVP thing can be a headache. I'd hate to start calling and asking, but seems like that's what people do. My problem is there are a lot of kids that make the list so long so my online guest list just says child so I hope that they add the correct amount of people.

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Do you really think it's confusing? I never thought that. The wedding is out of town so we really need to know numbers. This was just a nice way letting people know that we take it seriously.

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There's no real way to say that nicely without possibly offending people. RSVP is a social necessity, and as the host it really is your job to make sure it's done correctly. It might end up with you calling to clarify, for sure that is possible. In your case it might make more sense to send RSVP cards and envelopes in the invitation envelope.

I would like to make the suggestion of providing the option to RSVP via a wedding website in addition to the QR code. I say this because a college friend just did the QR RSVP and it was a disaster. Offering another option may save you a huge headache

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If you don't know how many children a guest has or their names, you will need to get in touch and find out ahead of the invitations going out.

It's confusing because it inappropriately leads people to believe that hosts have to add superfluous language or not be taken seriously and because it can be interpreted as suspicious and distrustful. I don't think it comes across as nicely as you think it does.

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The QR code leads to our wedding website. Our wording also says for accommodations and registry, etc, I hope it does not end up being as much of a headache.

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Yes, I wish I knew names of the family's adult kids and their kids, but some are family that his parents are more familiar with.

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You'll need to do that research in order to organize the invitations. There's no way of getting out of knowing who you're inviting and their names.

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So ask his parents to get you the information... Or call them up and get it yourself.

I am giving my guests the option to RSVP by mail with the included RSVP card or on our wedding website (I know some older guests may have some trouble with the website). I think we will still unfortunately have to contact non responders. But at that time I will be a little more direct with my wording. "Please RSVP by this date or we will be taking no response as a unable to attend response" sort of thing. I don't have the exact wording down but its inevitable some people just won't respond and in that case its clearly not a priority for them to attend.

You’ll need to find out every name of each guest you are inviting. Some will not RSVP, as I found out with our wedding. I had to track down about 20% of our guests and some responses were, “Yes, we are coming, but I lost the rsvp card and I assumed you knew we were coming.”
Don’t assume they are not coming because they may show up.

I would just put "kindly RSVP by DATE"


You could have instructions like open your phone camera and point at code, then open the link. It's up to you whether you want to hunt everyone down after who didn't rsvp.

View Quoted Comment Honestly it’s unavoidable. I don’t think I’ve met anyone getting/got married who said they didn’t have to chase down guests for RSVPs.


No special wording. Simply say “Please RSVP by scanning the QR code below”. When it’s time to chase down the unresponsive s is when you get creative with the language. Like “Hey there! Hope you’re doing well! Our caterer is needing our final numbers for the wedding now. Will you be attending?”