Asking for tip before service?

No that’s a big red flag. You give a tip at your discretion if you feel they went above and beyond the call of duty. Unfortunately the American Wedding Industry has convinced people that tips should be given for simply showing up to do their job before you are able to assess their work objectively. That is not how tips are supposed to be given. You decide who deserves a tip based only on who went above and beyond the call of duty when you are able to sit down objectively with your new spouse after the wedding (for example when you get back from your honeymoon) and assess their performance. You do not give anyone tips the day of the wedding because you are not in the correct mindset to assess their work. A tip should never be given to anyone who has bad service or simply shows up to work with nothing special to show for it.


However the majority of advice you will get is the opposite because of the prevalence of the misinformation. Because they are in the business of taking your money and hoping you don’t pay attention to the expenses here and there that quickly add up to $$$ without oversight.
Everyone knows a tip is appreciated but no vendor should ever emphasize it as you have described because it is optional and there are plenty of vendors who don’t deserve them. That is for you to decide and they are unprofessional by pressuring you. Many vendors don’t say a word about tips for that very reason.

I agree with Michelle. Tipping is (or used to be) based solely on quality of service and at the discretion of the customer. I expect to tip only those individuals who have to pay a portion of the fee they charge to their employer (for instance: I tip my hairstylist because a portion of what she charges me goes to the hair salon & since she does a fantastic job, I think she deserves more). I expect vendors who own their businesses to value their time correctly & set their prices accordingly. If they go above and beyond my expectations (e.g. have to deal with unexpected or exceptionally difficult conditions), then I will tip. At this point in my planning process, I expect to tip the catering staff, rental delivery staff (because they make minimum wage & have a tough job) and probably my DOC (because she’s already gone above & beyond)…I don’t expect to tip anyone else.

Tipping should never be expected or solicited by a vendor. I think it's very rude of them to even bring it up, especially before any services were completed! Tipping photographers is common, but they shouldn't ever be asking for more money than what's on the contract. If they set their own pricing, they should have built that into the cost, rather than pressuring you to give them more. Don't feel obligated to give them a tip if you don't feel that it was earned. Only give a tip if you're happy with the end result of their work and they went above and beyond to make it a great experience.

View Quoted Comment Thank you all for your input. Any ideas on how I can politely respond yet voice that I’m not just gonna tip them right away before any work is done?

View Quoted Comment I personally wouldn't even address much with the comment about the tip. If you wanted to, you could reply with something along the lines of, "Thank you for the info. We are looking forward to the wedding! Just to confirm timing, are you still planning on showing up at [time] at [place]?" This way, you aren't locking yourself into giving them a tip, just in case the service is poor and you end up deciding to not tip, and it also acknowledges that you received their message.

I would respond by saying you will absolutely be tipping once the finished product is in hand. For everyone else, tipping the day of the wedding is appropriate. In my opinion, the photographer shouldn't be tipped until you actually have the finished product. Even if they do show up and do their job, you have no idea how good of a job it was until you see the pictures.

Maybe word it 'I can't wait to see the pictures of my big day! Once I do, I will be sure to tip you and your team.' Then base the tip on that.

View Quoted Comment You can either not address it or let her know you will be deciding after the honeymoon which vendors are getting a tip as there is no way to predict before then. Definitely do not say that you will be tipping her. Coming out and blatantly asking would make me not want to tip regardless of her quality of service. Sometimes vendors regardless of the field they are in don’t realize that their behavior is rude and if one person doesn’t tell them someone else will.

What a random thing to text. Was that in response to something you had asked about payment, maybe even a delayed response? Maybe it was sent to you in error and he was responding to someone else? I don't know that's just an absurd thing to send the day before the wedding. I'm curious how you responded and how the photography service went. Congratulations on your wedding day!

That’s just tacky. If any response at all, I Would write that you will “consider gratuity after finished product is completed.”

View Quoted Comment It was completely random. The last thing he’d said was “we’re excited for the big day” a couple hours prior but of course it’s such a busy day I hadn’t had time to respond yet. Before I had a chance to say anything that was the next message I got. Thank you for the congratulations! I chose not to respond mostly because I didn’t know how to tactfully do so.

I do believe that commit was inappropriate of the photographer to ask.