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Devoted February 2020

Asking for money in lieu of gifts

Christina, on December 30, 2018 at 4:21 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

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My FH and I will be paying for the majority of our wedding.

By the time of our wedding, we will have been living together for 3 year and I've owned our house since 2011. We had some unexpected home renovations thanks to a leaky pipe. We have most everything we need, but can't put "new kitchen" on a registery. What we need most is help covering the cost of the new kitchen & bathroom, the wedding, and the honeymoon.

Any advice on how to request cash instead of gifts without it sounding tacky or selfish?

One of my bridesmaids suggested making a registry with very few items and have something like "We are registered at ______. You may also contribute to our honeymoon fund by....". So when all the registry items are gone, the guests know we'd like cash.

Thoughts?

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Alyssa, on December 30, 2018 at 3:15 PM

VIP May 2015
KiwiDerbyBride · on December 30, 2018 at 5:38 AM
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There’s no polite way to ask for money. Just don’t register, or have a very small registry - people will know you want cash. Also, don’t do a honeymoon fund as they take a cut of the $$$.
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Mim · on December 30, 2018 at 7:58 AM
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People the world over know that money is a good gift. There is no reason to tell them. They already know.

If someone offers you a shower, create a short registry. Otherwise just don't have one. Registries are for showers anyway.

There is also no reason to arrange for an anonymous middleman to collect money for you through any sort of fund in place of or in addition to a registry. Again this is because people know that money is a good gift. They don't need to be clued in by way of a honeyfund.
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VIP January 2019
Megan · on December 30, 2018 at 9:38 AM
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You can also register for like Home Depot gift cards
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Champion June 2019
Kenisha · on December 30, 2018 at 9:42 AM
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Don’t ask for money 💴 Everyone knows you need it.
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Super September 2019
Anna · on December 30, 2018 at 9:48 AM
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I like this suggestion!
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on December 30, 2018 at 10:02 AM
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That's what j was going to suggest as well.
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Super October 2017
Emily · on December 30, 2018 at 10:05 AM
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My cousin registered at Home Depot. You aren't alone in your situation - but these ladies are right. There is no way to ask for money that is polite. A small registry or none at all sends the message. Do not expect to make your money back or anything like that, gifts are not required. And be prepared, some people give physical gifts regardless of your registry situation. I figured I'd rather have a small registry and a better chance at getting something we would like. We still ended up with some random things we returned because people will give what they will give.
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Devoted November 2020
Future Mrs. Robinson1120 · on December 30, 2018 at 10:15 AM
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Don't register for anything then most will bring cash word of mouth
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on December 30, 2018 at 11:58 AM
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We have a small registry. I was afraid I’d i don’t make one I would end up with stuff I don’t want or need.
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Devoted February 2020
Christina · on December 30, 2018 at 12:15 PM
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Thanks ladies! This helps a lot!

We can afford all of the expenses on our own thanks to the equity I have in the house. We don't expect to get enough to cover the whole wedding or anything. It would just be great if we had a little help paying down the loan sooner.

I think we'll just skip the registry and not mention gifts at all. Maybe have a "Honeymoon Fund" jar or something on the gift table at the reception. My dad gave us $5k with the stipulation that we invite all of his siblings, he's the youngest of 13. That's an extra 20 people after spouses. Luckily, my uncle's usually give cash regardless of if there is a registry.
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on December 30, 2018 at 12:19 PM
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Definitely don’t do a jar at the reception! Most people will have already brought a card with money in it.
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VIP July 2018
Jen · on December 30, 2018 at 12:56 PM
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I wouldn't do a honeymoon jar at the wedding - by that time people have either sent you a gift ahead of time or brought one to the wedding. I think it would come across as super tacky to ask for anything additional!
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Mim · on December 30, 2018 at 2:26 PM
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No jar, your guests shouldn't have any reason to open their wallets at all.
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Super September 2019
Dana · on December 30, 2018 at 3:06 PM
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You’re going to get money at the wedding. The registry is really only for the bridal shower so register for things you would never buy yourself and the night of the wedding you will make tons of money
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Super December 2018
Alyssa · on December 30, 2018 at 3:15 PM
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We had a registry and a total of 6 gifts were purchased from it. We never said anything and all of our other guests gave us cash other than 2 that went off registry. I’d just not mention the registry.
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