Asking for Financial Help

It's considered impolite to ask. Often times, if they want to contribute, they will directly offer. Plan the wedding you can afford on your own and if your parents or your partner's parents offer to help, you want to consider what that help entails. If you search these forums, you will find many brides who hate the strings attached to the money their families gave. Once money is in hand, these parties will also want their opinions heard on what their money is paying for. Our families contributed, and we included them in many of the major decisions, but neither of our families are the drama-type and trusted and supported us in our choices. From being on this forum, I can see that may not necessarily be the norm.

I didn’t ask but they did want to contribute so that could be something they themselves will bring up if they want to contribute

View Quoted Comment I definitely don't want to ask so we are definitely trying to keep cost low but I also wasn't sure if it's something you ask or if you just wait and see if they offer.

View Quoted Comment Huh I never thought about it like that before. We haven't asked anyone for money cause I did feel like it would be rude but I also wasn't sure if it's one of those things where you just wait and see who offers or if you never ask then you'll never know.

My parents offered it up on their own. Usually if someone is going to help they will tell you upfront! I don’t think it’d be bad to ask if they were planning to pitch in and note it won’t be an issue/no big deal if they aren’t.

No I didn't ask bc I view it as me and my husband responsibility we choose to plan a wedding.however if offered I took it

View Quoted Comment Yeah, usually if they want to contribute, they'll offer. For us, we originally intended on doing a courthouse ceremony and then something very small as a celebration (like dinner with our closest family and friends) because we couldn't afford a more traditional wedding. When our parents heard this, they said they wanted us to have a traditional wedding and wanted to contribute money for that to happen, so we agreed to split the cost 3-ways (us, his parents, and my parents). We really had no intention of having a traditional wedding because we knew it wasn't in our budget, but when our parents insisted, we went with it. If people want to give you money, they usually won't be shy about it.

It depends on your relationship. Personally, I don't think it's rude to ask my parents for anything. But I wouldn't ask other family members.


In my case, my FH and I each talked to our own parents individually. We said something like, we are setting our wedding budget and need to start making deposits. If you are willing to contribute to our wedding, please let us know what you are willing to do. If not, let us know so we can move forward with planning. In both our cases, our parents gave us cash with no strings attached. We also had a couple of aunts reach out to us and offer to gift us (pay for) specific items.

But a lot of families don't work this way. Some parents may only want to pay for X. Others will only pay for X if you do it Y way. If a parent threatens to not pay for X because you won't do Y, will you be able to walk away? Or will you be stuck with the Y you hate because you need that cash? Will you resent that parent? Make sure you're able to have the wedding you can afford over everything. And if you're accepting help, be prepared to compromise.

No, we had the wedding we could afford.

I would not ask. I've read several brides to be saying they've been pressured either by their parents or FHs parents to ask about money because one party is planning to contribute but believe they shouldn't be the only ones helping, but I agree with some PPs. A lot of people will expect their opinions to then be prioritized.

Nope. FH and I are covering it 100%.... therefore we get to make 100% of the decisions.

You usually don't ask because that's considered rude in most families. My parents offered immediately and want some say, but not an overwhelming say. Really, they asked to be included. We picked venues we wanted to see and they wanted to come. We met with and picked vendors and they asked questions, but more like "did you like them," "were they nice," "did they show you a portfolio, did you love it" - more like excitement questions. Then after we'd talk and be giddy for a bit, they'd pay the deposit to the one we picked with no issues. Their only string was being included, so really it's been helpful more than anything. I always feel like I have someone to bounce things off of because 1) they want to be included and 2) it's their money, so I don't feel like I'm bothering them with something that doesn't affect them.

My partner's family is different. My FFIL has made one comment indicating he would like to help pay, but never brought it up in a larger conversation about specifics. And that's how that family works. One comment from the parents means the children are to bring it up again later if they agree. His one comment was slight and minimal, but really it was an offer. So we'll bring up the big formal conversation, even though typically the parents should be the one's doing that since it's their money. You have to know your family and how it works, but you don't just ask them - you wait for them to offer, whether that be in a large conversation like my parents or a small comment like my future in-laws.

Nobody offered and I didn't expect it. We are paying for our own wedding. And, while I would love to have the money back in savings, I read enough nightmare stories about how people think if they give money they have a say in the wedding and that just wouldn't work for me. It was so nice doing all of our planning without any other opinions or checking with anyone about prices.

We were 100% ready to pay for our own wedding but both sets of parents offered to help. I would never ask for any financial help.

I wouldn’t ask. My moms brother isn’t able to come to our wedding so he’s giving us money instead. I also agree that if someone does offer to help pay that they will want a say in your wedding, so no I wouldn’t ask.

View Quoted Comment

This is pretty similar to what we did. We started out planning with the assumption that we would pay for everything ourselves. However, FH's brother got married 2 years ago and we knew both of his parents contributed substantially toward his wedding and had each mentioned vaguely that they would like to help us too. Eventually FH went to his parents and said exactly what Jeni said - that we definitely don't expect anything but if they are willing to contribute, it would help us to know as we are starting to pick vendors and pay deposits.

We did not ask my parents or any extended family. My mom/sister are throwing my shower and my sister is also throwing my bach party, and I know they can't afford to do more than that.

No we didn't since it was our choice to have a wedding and they are not required. We are also adults and planned for this day so we paid for everything ourselves. Plan the wedding you can afford and if you get money gifted to you or someone offers financial help, you can add in things you wouldn't have been able to have.

Our families offered to help financially.

HI,

What about a Jack and Jill instead of a bridal shower. I see alot of people doing this and we are as well. Its like a joint bridal shower or some call them Stags. We are selling entry tickets for like $20 a head. We do not want or need gifts. You or bridal helps in supplying the food and drinks (or do two drink tickets then cash bar). Also, our bridal parties are making gift baskets to be entered in raffles. My best friend got married last year and we did this and even though she had a small wedding we still raised about $2300 for her to use on her wedding.

View Quoted Comment I've never heard of this before. Can you explain more to me?