Asking a bridesmaid to step down even after she bought her dress?

I understand where you're coming from and would feel a little hurt if I found out I was being blown off by lies, but you need to realize the only expectation you should have of your bridesmaids' role in your wedding is to pay for the agreed-upon dress and stand by your side on your big day. As much as it hurts, the other events (even the bridal shower and bachelorette) are optional

Well, I think if you never want to be her friend again, sure kick her out. Is this impacting your BP in a financial way? For instance, have they all agreed to host your bridal shower and now she won't pay her share? Or is this mostly because you don't think she is supportive? I know your friend may be letting you down, but from what you've said, I don't see why you would need to kick her out. Good luck though!

I don't see any reason you'd kick her out of the wedding party but if you do you should 1) reimburse her for the dress and 2) expect to no longer be friends.

Agree with PP.

I don't see anything wrong if you don't want her in your BP anymore, I get why. But do reimburse for her dress and whatever expense she might have paid for your wedding. Just be polite about it.

I agree with the above. The only real expectations/obligations for bridesmaids is to wear the outfit and be there on the wedding day. Everything else is optional. I would definitely be hurt if one of my girls acted like that, but I don't think it warrants kicking her out of the wedding and effectively ending your friendship.

If you are okay with the friendship coming to a complete end, I'd say ask her to step down. I'd pay her the money she spent on the dress and any other accessories she's purchased though.

If it were me, I'd ask her to meet for lunch/dinner and just explain how you feel (let down that she's done this for another so far away, but won't come to yours.. that you feel she's being distant..etc). She may have a reasoning, she may not. Her only job though as a bridesmaid is to wear the dress on your day. There's nothing saying she has to plan a shower, plan a party, show up to your events, etc.

No one will ever be as excited for the wedding as the bride.

I can understand why you feel the way you do, BUT I wouldn't ask her to step down. Just concentrate on the ones that are there for you. Asking her to step down has the potential to end y'all's friendship. I have a bridesmaid that i asked out of obligation, and totally regret it. We had a falling out (she is Fh's family). But I'm stuck with her! I'm just relying on the ones that are supportive, and not worrying my already overloaded mind with her. I am sure when the day gets here, your friend will be there for you and everything will be great!

If she is blowing you off she sounds unreliable. Trust your gut and do what you feel is best.

I understand you're hurt, it is a hurtful situation. Have you told her all of this and actually confronted her? I would just be honest with her and tell her that you feel disrespected or hurt and you have been thinking that she's acting like she doesn't want to be part of the wedding. I think enough of protocol and just put her on the spot. Normally I would understand circumstances, but if you've actually caught her lying to you about everything then just call her out.

I would just talk to her privately about her life, and how you feel. Ideally in person.

I feel like people on these forums have only 2 opinions on BMs: they are decorations (get a dress and show up) OR they are supposed to be like helpers.

Since you seem to be the latter it is important to set expectations ahead of time. Let them know you expect them to participate in certain events, but still be respectful of their time by trying to work with their schedules as much as possible. That gets complicated though so usually things like showers, planning help, and parties fall to one person, the MOH.

I would say talk to her about your feelings. Let her know her absence has hurt your feelings and that you'd like for her to be more involved. From there see if the decision you feel you need to make becomes clear.

I think you should invite her to lunch or for coffee and in a relaxed and private way speak to her. Tell her that you want and need her support and she has not been supportive. Tell her how you feel and that you want her to be your life-long friend which is why you asked her to be your BM in the first place. Give her the option. "What do you want to do? I will understand if you are busy and don't want to be in this with me and you could come as a guest." See what she says. You may be just very sensitive or she maybe going through a rough spell knowing that she may be losing you. It's a hard thing, but being honest is what friendship is about. If you don't get a satisfactory response or she is rude, offer to reimburse her for the dress (sell it on Craigslist) and take the loss, and move on. I think in the end she will respect your wishes and you both can patch things up. Best of luck.