Asked to tell guests not to give condolences... I have no idea how to handle the request.

I don’t know what to tell people and I don’t want to ignore it and act like we are not impacted by the loss. Of course I cancelled the idea of recognizing his absence at the wedding (I was just going to put a picture of them up with a note, so I won’t that). I thought I might reach out to a few people I know would want to send their love and just say something to the effect “They are still dealing with this loss and the emotions are very raw. If you would like to give any condolences, if you could please do so privately as they wish not to discuss it in front of the kids and focus on the joyfulness of the occasion”. Would that work? I don’t feel like I should tell people they can’t talk about this or give condolences but I’d like to respect my sister and her family’s wishes.

This is really tough, I think your idea to reach out to those people that you know would want to send their love and say what you wrote sounds very appropriate. It is certainly going to be a tough day for them and whatever you can do to ease that would be very sweet of you.

That is very tough and I'm so sorry for his passing. For such a situation I do not think there is a right or wrong way to handle it. I do think your idea is appropriate.

@diana your response sounds perfect, the best way is to reach out to people privately. So sorry for your family's loss. I hope your wedding is a bright spot for your sister and brother in law.

I am so sorry for our families loss. I think DianaO has it perfect. Reach out privately and hopefully your wedding day can be a source of light, calm, and beauty for everyone. My sincerest condolences go out to you and yours.

Im so sorry for your loss. I think how you said to handle it will work. But people will still give condolences regardless. They just have to say thanks and change the topic

I do not think there is much you can do in this situation. I think most people can gauge how to react on their own. I have had coworkers who had relatives pass away and I generally say sorry for your loss and see how they react. Some want to talk about it and some have immediately changed the topic after saying thank you. That is how I know that the conversation should not continue on that subject. I don't really think you should reach out to anyone.

A Loss at any time is very sad. I think you will find that people are there to celebrate the two of you. you do not need to say anything to anyone about not talking about it. I am sure you know if you ask most not to it is now the topic and you by asking. Our best man committed suicide in December so he will not be there but everyone at the wedding will be talking about him and we will do a round of Alabama slammers for him.

I don't think you should reach out honestly, because people will still give condolences. They just accept the expression and move on.

I agree with Celia............this is not something you should have to take on, especially considering even reaching out to some may not avoid the situation. Your sister and her family should be prepared to say "thank you" and change the subject.

I agree that people might still express their sympathy, but having the part about them not wanting it brought up repeatedly in front of their children should (hopefully) stop the majority of people from saying anything. Whether or not this stops people from bringing up your sister's FIL's passing, at least you honored their wishes and tried.

I think what you said in your comments is worded perfectly.

I agree that I don't think it could hurt to reach out to some close family members who you feel are likely to say something and knew him, or possibly your mother or another close family member could. Also, sometimes people can not take hint that people don't want to talk about something when they change the subject and hopefully your sister and BIL and their kids will be able to enjoy the day and appreciate some distraction to the sadness.