Ask Bridesmaid to step down?!

I would not ask her to step down. Make plans (and stick to them) and hang out with her. It is hard when you feel like the people you care about don't care about your wedding but they probably aren't going to care about it as much as you do.

Also how far away is your wedding?

If you ask her to step down, your friendship will most likely be over.

Wedding is October 2016.

We don't seem to have a friendship anyway. That's what makes me sad. I'm not sure what happened.

FutureMrsW - welcome to WW!

Just a little perspective. Some brides prefer to plan everything and only expect their BMs to wear the dress and stand with them during the ceremony. It is only a matter of personal preference. I am not sure what the horrible bachelorette bash has to do with being in the wedding, but if you would like to elaborate you are welcome to.

I think it is a compliment that she would like to be in your wedding. Your wedding date is private, so I am assuming you are around a year out. That is pretty early in the planning process. It could be that since she planned all of her wedding on her own, she doesn't have any expectation to help plan yours. Not trying to sound harsh at all. But, as a BM that is her perogative. I would call her and set up a time to meet. Don't leave it to her to take the initiative.

Something I learned from ww is that your bridal party is not expected to do anything but buy a dress and be at your wedding. Although I can tell your hurt, I think you should try and realize that, clearly, this is her vision of what a bridesmaid does. It's what she expected of you and it's now what she is doing. My short answer is, no, I don't think this justifies you asking her to step down.

My MOH is not involved at all (but I didn't really expect her to be, she's not involved usually. That's not why I picked her). But, I have one bridesmaid who involves herself in everything. People are who they are and they will be the same through your planning process. 3 of my 5 Ar enjoy involved besides dresses, probably my bridal shower and the wedding. The other 2 are more involved, just how the cookie crumbles.

What okd said

You can't always expect others to do for you what you would do for them. I know you were excited and interested in her wedding, but that doesn't necessarily mean she will be for yours. Which sucks. But it is what it is. And with over a year to go, she may not be overly into the whole process. I would give it time before you make any major decisions like that. Your friendship will be over if you ask her to step down. Even though you may feel like it is not as strong now as it used to be, you don't know what's going on in her life. Maybe there is a reason why she hasn't been in touch lately.

Your wedding is quite a while away, so it doesn't seem unusual to me that she isn't talking about it. We haven't asked anything of our bridal party at all yet. As for your friendship, I recommend just being honest about how you feel...in a non-accusatory way, of course. You can just say that you miss spending time with her and wonder if things have changed between the two of you, and ask how she feels about that.

Don't ask her to step down. She has done nothing wrong and you will ruin your friendship. All a bridesmaid needs to do is purchase the dress and show up. The aren't required to help, but it's nice when they offer. Your wedding is also over a year away, so she probably isn't thinking about it too much. She will probably get more excited as it gets closer. Keep in mind though that no one will be as excited about your wedding as you will. That's where Wedding Wire comes into play and can be a great place to share your excitement.

Thank you all so much. You're right. I shouldn't jump to conclusions. I'll keep trying to touch base with her and see what's going on.

Thankful for an outside perspective before I make bad choices haha

That's what we are here for!

I wouldn't ask her to step down just yet. Maybe get together and try talking to her and express how you're feeling. If she still doesn't seem to have an intrest then I'd probably ask her if she still wants to b in the wedding.

Welcome!

I agree with OriginalKD.

You choose your BM's because of your friendship with them, not for what you think they will do for you during your wedding. Some people will want to be involved and help, for others, it's just not their thing.

You are over a year out and there is plenty of time. Many brides only expect their BM's to show up and stand by them. I asked very little of my BM's. I spent the entire year pacing myself and doing the planning and all the DIY's myself It was only at 2 months out I accepted their help to have a "wedding craft day" to finish up some DIY's. My MOH planned a Bridal Luncheon one month before the wedding. I have that next week.

Everyone I'm sure is happy that you are getting married, but for them, it's just a day that will happen in a years time and they will go on living their lives. For you it will consume a large part of your life for the next year planning everything out. My wedding is in October. Family started getting excited after the New Year and friends started really showing excitement for me at two months out. My advice is start planning your wedding out, get vendors booked, pace yourself and do as much as you can yourself in the coming months, and don't drive people crazy with wedding talk.

I don't understand why you asked her to be a BM if you had such a horrible experience in her wedding. It seems to me that your friendship is over.

My wedding is the same day as yours and my BM'S haven't asked if they can help or do anything. It's way too early for them to be interested or for there to be things to help with. The only one who has asked me to do anything is my MOH and that's because she loves planning parties and DIY. She's the one more in a hurry to get things done than me lol. Don't ask her to step down unless you want your friendship to be over. I suggest giving it time and if you do need help with something in the future nicely ask don't expect it.