So today my husband and I got into a heated argument. Which really doesnt happen too often. It was over his friend. We recently married 5/16/20. His friend 'B' was invited to the wedding, and even said with COVID19 he would still attend. My husband sent multiple texts once the date got closer and B didn't respond and didn't show. About 3 weeks after the wedding B texts my husband and said sorry for being MIA, something came up. My husband and I were upset he didnt respond to texts and just texted him out of the blue. He wanted to stop by and drop us off a wedding card. We agreed that he could mail it instead, since that would be more convenient to us.
Well fast forward to today.. he texts my husband saying "hey I'm stopping by today after work ". Didnt ask us if that's ok, or if we'd be home; just invited himself over. I told my husband and I didn't like that, and I would prefer B mail the card ,we are busy with things today and agreed not to see B for awhile until things die down. Well my husband agrees he can come over, which I dont like. Some hurtful things were said and he ended up apologizing, but I dont know how to make my husband understand that we both must be on the same page about things. If one of us is uncomfortable with someone coming over, the other should respect that and reschedule for another time. If theres no mutual respect, this and other issues will arise.
I agree with you but it is also hard to tell someone their friend is not welcome at the same time. I agree you two should have come up with an agreement and have been on the same page and it is wrong for the friend to have invited himself. I know personally I would be bothered if my FH told me a friend of mine cannot come over to our house even if we disagree. I think like you said you two should over some drinks talk the issue out calmly and come to a compromise you two can agree to. I do not want you to feel I am being harsh but I am seeing the other side too.
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I like seeing both sides and appreciate it. I just wanted the friend to come over a different day too. We have a lot going on today, and dont have time to socialize. I really didnt like how the friend just invited himself over. That bothered me a lot.
I can see where you're coming from. my husband and i had this convo because during the pandemic and our city's shelter in place order, he wanted to get his tattoo finished up and yet he didn't like the idea of me taking a CPR class... weird right? ahah
you want to get your tattoo done and yet think that's more important than me learning CPR [i am taking medical assistant program and sports medicine classes soon so i'm just adding to my knowledge].
anyway we spoke about it and we said ok, we just wanted to look out for one another and decided that both of us would stop those things and do them only when things have died down. it's a conversation you gotta have where you just gotta say like we need to have some ground rules that are mutually appealing to both sides.
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Thanks. I think we need some common ground. I'm still working in the community and the county I work in, has high COVID rates. And he's still working too. In a month or two the person can come over. My husband sometimes can be stubborn and thinks I'm just being mean. When that isnt the case at all.
Oh no and trust me you have every right to be royally (insert expletive) about that. That is completely wrong and if that day you were busy then that is even worse. I agree it does not hurt to talk to hubby and let him now why it bothered you and I think couples that live together it is natural to have to discussions once in awhile about a disagreement to make sure it does not happen in the future. I say do it over wine because well...wine is amazing ha ha. Sorry that you had an argument.
I'm with you on this, and the friend sounds pretty terrible and flaky. I'm guessing your husband just saw it as, he wanted to see his friend. Although that's understandable, the principle of the situation is that the friend is just doing what he wants with no regard for anyone else, and that's not acceptable in my book.
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Thanks love. I agree hes flaky and admitted to my husband "I'm bad at communication ", and to me this doesnt make a good friend. And we discussed it over the phone until he comes home, and he sees how I feel as controlling. Even though it isnt.
Honestly, this isn't a "I'm on x's side" issue. Y'all are a team (a pretty big part of marriage in general). You both faced an issue, agreed on what to do, and he went against the agreed-upon reaction. Friend or not, it's super rude to just say "I'm coming to your house." ESPECIALLY with the whole, you know, global pandemic thing going on. This isn't a "you told me my friend couldn't come over" thing, it was something you both agreed on.
Also OP, the burden of explaining to him why going against the joint agreement shouldn't fall on you. I do agree with having a conversation while you're both calm; agreements between the two of you should be honored.
I definitely get where you’re coming from and I would be annoyed too! For someone to no show to the wedding and then show up uninvited to my house - during a pandemic - wouldn’t work for me either lol. Your husband might have a different tolerance for this type of stuff though. He might be more understanding on his friends flakey nature if he expects it and continues to be friends with him. I really don’t like when people show up unannounced either but my husband doesn’t mind at all. I think he should’ve told his friend you weren’t free that evening since that’s what you agreed to (and covid!) but could also see how he might have not seen it as a “big deal” if he’s more relaxed about those situations. In our case we’ve had to have a bit of give and take. My husband has been more proactive in saying no to unannounced plans but I’ve also had to be a bit more easy going about things that “pop up”. We’ve had more than one discussion about stuff like this but that’s because we’re different people with different feelings. I’d talk it over and see how you can both compromise in the future.
I totally agree with you on that. Married couples /relationships should be on the same page always. However its you guys first big argument considering ...i hope this is a lesson learned. Things will gradually get betyer when it comes to these things. Growth...