Laura
Rockstar November 2019

Arguing with fs more as wedding approaches?

Laura, on September 25, 2019 at 10:21 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13
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I’m just about six weeks away from our big day. And it seems like FH & I have been arguing and/or having a tense atmosphere at home regularly lately. And the arguments/disagreements aren’t about dishes or laundry, either. It’s big stuff like finances, putting effort into our relationship, spending time together.
Nothing has changed, other than the wedding getting closer.
Has this happened to anyone else?

13 Comments

  • Melle
    Champion June 2019
    Melle ·
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    It's natural that there's more stress on yourself and hence on the relationship due to the wedding planning. Take some time away from wedding planning and spend it together.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Yup! Stress was high. We even had a major “maybe we shouldn’t get married” fight the week of our wedding! Try evening walks, take a break from wedding planning, take a counseling session if needed.
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  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Yes the stress of wedding planning can get to many of us. Take a break from planning and focus on something fun with your FH.
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  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
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    That’s just the thing-I can’t get him to spend time with me. He’s always ‘tired’ Or it’s ‘too expensive’ or he’d rather play video games. It’s one of the things we’ve been fighting about.
    Move tried taking breaks from wedding talk. But then he brings it up and asks why I’m not interested. It’s like I can’t win right now.
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  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
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    We were on the edge of one of those maybe we shouldn’t get married fights last night, but fortunately pulled back from the edge.
    Mite still far too hot here for walks, I’ve tried taking a break from planning. He’s supposed to be seeing a counselor regularly, maybe I can tag along in one of his sessions.
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  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
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    I’ve tried but he resists. He’s tired, or it’s too expensive, or he’d rather play video games. It’s one of the things we’ve been fighting about.
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  • H
    Super September 2019
    H ·
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    This happened with us as well. I honestly think it's normal as the closer to the date you get, the more stressed out you tend to be.

    From reading your other comments, it sounds to me like a sit down one on one about how you're feeling is a good idea. I would just tell him you need him to hear you out about how you're feeling and to really sleep on what on you said so you can discuss it on the morning or in a few hours after he's had time to process.


    The reason I say that is because sometimes people have the tendency to become offensive right away without truly taking in what the other person is saying. If you leave time for it to brew, maybe he will be less likely to shoot back with a defense and really take what you're saying into consideration.
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  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
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    We had most of these disagreements by text, as I was away pet sitting for a friend. (For the last 2 weeks!) When I came in this morning he was very apologetic about ignoring me while I stayed at my friend’s house and also about the finances. Said all the ‘right’ things. Friend is due back tonight so we’ll see if he really feels the way he’s acting right now.
    Tried to tag along to his counseling appointment tomorrow but he said no. Said he’d tell the counselor what happened. I have my doubts about that but it’s his right to keep his counseling private, so....yeah. That’s where we are.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Or maybe go to your own sessions if he doesn’t want you to go to his. Hang in there!
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  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
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    Possibly. It’s just, finding someone, getting in to see them in a short amount of time, do they take my insurance or my newly debuted EAP program ....SUCH a hassle. And I have no PTO left to take off for an appointment. At least FH’s are usually first thing in the am, I could just clock in late.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Oh gosh, that would be easier.

    If it helps, wedding planning can often be a couple’s first experience with counseling because it’s the first major project where stress management & communication skills are seriously tested. 🤪
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  • Rachael
    Expert October 2019
    Rachael ·
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    Not to get too preachy here, but I recommend you both try giving 5 Love Languages a read. From you saying this, sounds like quality time is what makes you feel loved, and you're not getting what you need, and he is not realizing that. Knowing you're loved and feeling it are two different things, and that can make all the difference on how you respond to each other when you're stressed out

    When my FH started dating, he wasn't terribly good with "speaking" my love language to me. We both read the book, and after learning what I needed, FH started making a point to show me love the way I could feel it. It's since become second nature for him and we have the strongest relationship ever for it, and with that, stressful things, although they are still stressful, are something we can tackle together, rather than feeling like we have to battle each other about it

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  • Laura
    Rockstar November 2019
    Laura ·
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    I’ve seen this book suggested before and it sounds like it definitely has some merit. I’m going to consider it, then talk to FH about it. He hates reading so he may resist.
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