Arguing more months leading up to wedding?

We’re 18 days out from ours and I’ll say we fought (his word, I say we discussed things loudly) quite frequently November-end of January/early February - not even wedding things, but his frustration about having to go back to school for a new career (he got laid off last year and made the decision to go another way which stresses him out - I’m super happy he’s changed careers), when we’re going to move out of our apartment/state, the prospect of getting new jobs while also timing it right to get out of our apartment lease, etc. I think everything changed in mid-February when we went to my bridal shower and everything got more “real”. He’s been way more affectionate and excited about the wedding and final plans and he’s just really excited about getting married and now feels better about taking things as they come instead of stressing unnecessarily. I think having these types of conversations before is good because it forces you to talk more about everything and just work more on communicating with each other, something he hasn’t been the best at - usually he bottles everything up and then it all comes out but he’s been realizing that doesn’t work and we need to communicate more following that period of fighting/discussing. Hang in there!

FH and I are usually pretty good about talking things out before the become a huge issue, but, with that said...we do seem to be getting under each other's skin more lately. It is part wedding planning (he isn't terribly helpful which I get, he didn't want a big wedding in the first place), part my new job, part his crappy job, and part both of us not sleeping well. Although we aren't really fighting over wedding stuff, I think just the added stress of planning such a big event just makes the fuse that much shorter on other stuff. I think we tend to be really good at talking about how much fun wedding planning is and how excited we are to be getting married, but as much fun as it is we don't always recognize the stress and anxiety that go with it. Not only is it a lot to plan, but its stepping into a whole new chapter of unknown and that can sometimes bring out some not so night qualities. Every relationship and marriage goes through rough spots, just because you might not like each other much for a stint, doesn't mean you don't love each other or that you won't have a successful marriage. If anything, being able to work through those times when you're arguing more than normal now will help remember you can get through them down the road.

I would strongly recommend premarital counseling. I even recommend it to the strongest of couples. It can help you work through some of those issues, and teach you tools on how to handle married life.

Yes! It's like I am about to commit myself to him forever so I am more sensitive to every little issue that still hasn't been solved, so more arguments ensue. I have heard that this is natural and we discussed it with our marriage counselor who agreed. She also reminded us that what is important is that we are intentional about how we interact with each other knowing where our opportunities are and be committed to working on them moving forward. Nothing will be solved right this minute, but it's more about developing the tools to communicate in a way that breeds understanding and keeps our partnership in tact.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Danielle entirely. Wedding planning is stressful, but so are other things that you will need to tackle later on: job changes, mortgages, children, etc. Taking the time to learn how to constructively manage your stress and work as a stronger team will only help in the long run.

View Quoted Comment

Yes! the way you explained it is EXACTLY how I've been feeling. To a T. I'm so sensitive to everything and it's making me nervous and question everything. Very good advice. thank you!!

Thank you all - glad I'm not the only one (which of course I knew I wasn't but it's nice to see lol). We are in counseling, this was a must for me. This is my second marriage and so I think I am even more sensitive to the fact I want my marriage to work this time. So every little agitation or disagreement is heightened. Appreciate all your kinds words!

View Quoted Comment

It's terrible. I had to take a step back and ask myself why I was being so hard on him about everything! He would look at me sometimes like what is wrong with you, but I fought on because all of the sudden EVERYTHING was crucially important and needed to be discussed right now like my life depended on it. I finally feel peaceful, but it does still flair up from time to time. I had to sit down and explain it to him so that he understood where I was coming from. I always say that we have to set each other up to be successful in our partnership and my not telling him how I was feeling was not setting him up for success. It will all work out, it's just a phase you both will be fine, just communicate as much as possible.

We only argued once, and it wasn't about the wedding it was about how certain things in our lives will occur after we get married. It's all worked out fine though, just took us some back and forth to figure it out.

I did have several meltdowns during the beginning months of planning though, and he stuck by me and was pissed that wedding planning was so stressful for me, but it's all good.

These things happen and are expected. What matters is how you deal with them and learn from them. Good luck!

Yes. I suppose it comes with the territory. We have heard that premarital counseling is highly beneficial. We are going to look into it even though we have been together for over 5 years.

View Quoted Comment

My FH and I have been together about the same amount of time, we are doing couples therapy and I think it will be very beneficial, I do recommend it. We have just recently started going so we still have many tools to learn for effective communication I guess.

Somewhat yes, but it’s improved since I pushed our wedding date back. Our only conflict was him wanting to marry me sooner without him making an effort to transfer his job near my city so that we can live together. He currently lives and works 100 miles away and I have no interest in a long distance marriage. Now, We have both been saving and making plans to move closer to each other and possibly transfer jobs.

You are so not alone!

I've been thinking this too lately! We've been bickering lately (about non-wedding related things) and I think it may be because we know that there is a big commitment that is coming (in less than a month now), and we are both stressed (we are also buying a house right now), and just over analyzing everything. It's kind of hard to explain, that's the best I can do lol

I definitely don't think it's anything to worry too much about, because as I said, you definitely are not alone. Our arguments don't even really last long. So I think as long as you're both still committed to working through everything and anything that pops up, you'll be fine.

FH and I are both so excited for our wedding, and yet we seem to be at each other's throats now more than usual. I think it's just pre-wedding jitters.

Ugh def. feeling this! I honestly just want to talk non wedding for a couple days but it’s hard cuz we’re down to 3 weeks! I honestly just want space!! I think a night away from eachother would help ha is that mean? I’m just wanting him to make 2 calls to the dentist for him... and the dance leasons place but I’m asking him like 3 times n nothing! I’m giving up haha