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Devoted October 2021

Aren't we all beautiful regardless of color?!

Fany, on July 4, 2019 at 12:24 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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Warning ⚠️ sensitive subject.
hi ladies, I’m dealing with an uncomfortable situation and I was hoping you could give me some suggestions on how to cope.

Background info: I’m AA and so is my FH. We live in an area where there is not much diversity. Most ppl are CAU and middle class.

My FH revealed to my about three years ago that his three brothers say they find AA women unattractive and they don’t understand how he can still date them?

I became really upset two weeks ago because my FH’s nephew told me that if we have kids, they won’t be attractive because they will not be biracial. And that AA and CAU children are unattractive.
my mouth literally dropped to the floor! I couldn’t believe the disrespect and self-hatred this young man is dealing with.

What do you ladies think? I notice that interracial marriage and families are on the rise. Are children who are not from an interracial couple, unattractive? Should I take my losses and not marry my FH because of the way his family thinks?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Jenna, on July 5, 2019 at 12:11 PM

Master September 2020
Jessica · on July 4, 2019 at 12:36 AM
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I wouldn’t second guess your whole relationship because of his family’s views, unless there are other issues or red flags that are making you feel uncomfortable. I don’t know how your FH is handling these types of conversations when they come up, but I hope you two are on the same page or can figure out together how to handle it going forward. I don’t have good advice on handling his family, sorry. I have a friend who got married a couple years ago and people made comments about how their children would be so cute because they will be biracial, then she said they didn’t plan on having kids and people seemed really put off by that. You’re right, we’re all beautiful, and if you and your FH decide to have children they will be beautiful. Best wishes.
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VIP September 2019
Trista · on July 4, 2019 at 12:37 AM
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As a CAU woman in an interracial relationship, I don't think you should let your FH family's opinions on beauty sway you from marrying the person you love. There are beautiful, and less than beautiful, babies from every single race. Truth be told, I completely disagree with FH's nephew, AA babies are probably the cutest.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on July 4, 2019 at 12:45 AM
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Skin color has zero to do with how cute a kid is or is not.
If you're in love with your fiance, marry him. Just because his family has some horrifying beliefs, shouldn't deter you from marrying him. If he shared the beliefs, then that would be something to worry about.
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Super December 2021
Casey · on July 4, 2019 at 1:12 AM
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It's very unfortunate that they are imposing such self hatred into their child, and I do hope with time, exploration, and exposure to outside viewpoints they will form their own (less hateful) opinions later in life.
Please don't let it deter you from marrying the love of your life unless it is affecting your relationship, happiness, or safety. While you can't parent other people's children, I would not let them talk like that to you. I'd kindly say something like, "that isn't very kind or true. Look at yourself- you're so handsome!" Build his esteem and a love for himself when he's around.
I'd discuss with FH right now about if he's willing to stick up for you and your future children, even if that means cutting future contact. Hopefully it won't get to that point but it's best to know now, beforehand.
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Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on July 4, 2019 at 3:03 AM
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Why would you re-evaluate your relationship with him because of their views? I agree so much with Casey's suggestions about helping to build self-esteem. Of course, don't be afraid to be firm and let them know you won't be tolerating that nonsense. Same with FH.. if we have learned anything from history, silence kills.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 4, 2019 at 3:25 AM
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It is unfortunate when people think so small mindedly. EVERYONE is beautiful. Your kids together will be beautiful. You are beautiful.
I know it's hard not to let people's comments get to you but always remember that everyone has their own beauty
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Dedicated June 2020
Margaret · on July 4, 2019 at 9:12 AM
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You know in your heart that what they are saying is pure ignorance, right? People never cease to amaze me with what comes out of their mouths.

You are vulnerable right now as you are planning a wedding, donors easy for these anxieties to get into your head. STAY AWAY FROM THE NEGATIVITY, EVEN IF IT IS FAMILY.

You'll have a beautiful wedding and beautiful children. To those who don't support it, tell them to kick rocks.
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Super August 2020
Kimberly · on July 4, 2019 at 10:58 AM
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I agree with all the ladies. Please don’t let your families views or anyone’s views for that matter sway you. You love your fiancé! You’ll have beautiful babies. I’m in an interracial relationship too and I never thought our babies would be more or less than any other baby. Stay strong in your love and beliefs
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 4, 2019 at 4:55 PM
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That's a whole different level of ignorance right there. You are a better person than I am because I would have cussed his brother out so hard they would have needed to resuscitate him. That's unacceptable and I would tell fiance to address his brother next time he makes a comment and tell the brother if he keeps it up he can't spend time with y'all. You're not the brothers wife and your hypothetical kids aren't his kids he doesn't need to find any of you attractive but he needs to keep his mouth closed on the matter.
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Super October 2019
Jenna · on July 5, 2019 at 12:11 PM
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Those are his family's views, not his (it sounds like), so it shouldn't change your relationship with him. When those things come up, I hope that he stands up to them, but regardless I wouldn't concern myself with what they think.
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