Aren't Bridesmaids Supposed to Help the Bride?

Honestly I'm of the opinions bridesmaids only job is to show up the day of in the right attire.
Hollywood has given a lot of unrealistic views on how they should be. I dont think they should ever be planning, that's a task for the bride and groom alone. They dont have to throw parties. Weddings are expensive and not everybody is able to handle that much of a financial burden.
There's still enough time for the rest of the girls to get their dresses. Most places it takes less than 2 months for theirs to come in.
Though I truly am sorry you feel sad about it.

Hey hey heyyyyy cut that out. You haven't done anything wrong and I'm sorry that your going thru this. Believe it or not sometimes the people we feel should be the happiest for us, aren't a lot of times. It could be for many different reasons (jealousy, financial issues or even they're just unaware of their duties)

So plan B, try meeting with them individually to talk about what may be going on with them and in their lives. If you don't get any concrete answers simply remove them from the wedding. It's certainly not the time to wait on people. It may alter your vision a little but an altered vision is better than having a ruined wedding day. As far as your sister, if you reallyyyyyy still want her in the wedding, give her a checklist of things you still need done or would like to do and let her get to work. She says it's your day and to just tell her what to do. I don't love that approach but sometimes you have to take that route with people.

I'm really sorry that your experience hasn't been what it should be. I could go on forever about cutting all but the 3 that actually got the dress but I won't or this post would be even longer lol. But you come first in all of this. Your happiness is what matters. It may hurt to cut them or replace them but you have to come first. It's YOUR DAY! I hope things smooth out and they get it together in time. If not cut them and keep moving! You'll be alright!

View Quoted Comment All of this. The only person that’s responsible for helping you plan your wedding is the person you’re marrying. Anything more than ordering attire coming to the wedding that your bridesmaids offer to do for you is extra. It sounds like you asked 10 people to be in your wedding party for all the wrong reasons and it’s backfiring on you.

It's not the bridesmaids' job to go shopping with you or try to do anything wedding related. Your sister is right; so long as she shows up on the day properly attired, she's done her job.

A lot of people aren't particularly interested in weddings. They may be willing to show up on the day to support you, but that doesn't mean they are particularly interested in the details of planning.

So, three of them have their dresses. If the other seven don't get them, they attend as guests. But kicking them out of the wedding is likely to be a relationship ending move. Ending seven of the relationships you've thought of as the closest seems a lot for just one day.

View Quoted Comment Where I come from a bridesmaid should be your support system, not just someone to stand next to you and hold flowers. Regardless of finances, support is free; it costs nothing. Why even say yes? What's the fun in just showing up the day of with a dress on. Planning a wedding is an extremely special moment and it should be shared with people who have that same excitement. They don't necessarily have to plan anything but they should be available throughout the planning process when a bride needs them. Hollywood does show us a lot but in real life a decent person should sit back and say, "would I want to feel like this if it were my wedding" Every situation is different but being kind and helpful is easy and free.

View Quoted Comment I never said they couldnt support the bride. I'm just saying that brides have demanded so much of their bridesmaids and go as far as kicking them out of their party for none of them throwing an optional prewedding party. Of course your girls should support you, but they don't have to help do anything if they dont want to, like helping put together decor or stuffing invites. Those are nice if the bridesmaids offer to help do, but I think a lot of times brides expect their party to do these things forgetting that nobody is as excited about their wedding.

sorry you feel that way. I learned the hard way thru my experiences with mine that even though they're happy for you and wanna be there for you, they may just not be so in the capacity we would like. I'm sure they're happy for you and would help you if you truly needed it though. I had a discussion with mine about all I really want is for them to try to be more responsive to me than they were being even though I know they were busy themselves.

Being supportive was just one example of what I feel like a bridesmaid should be. I believe its totally ok to cut someone out who hasn't made any effort to make the process easier. Not just because they haven't planned a party. 🙆🏾‍♀️ so many thoughts on this...the fact that its 3 months before the wedding and dresses haven't been purchased and no communication has been made sucks. That's unnecessary stress that a bride shouldn't have to deal with. My take away from this is that all they have to do is buy the dress and show up and they haven't even done that. They should be cut.

Apparently the Bridesmaids are not supposed to help. I had one that VOLUNTEERED to be in the Wedding, but didn’t help with anything. Then, she left early because she had plans for after the Wedding.

Also, her👗was ordered at the last minute, not the right color (it did coordinate), and she was just about spilling out of the top. That was 2 out of only four things that I requested for the 👗es.

Make sure that it’s:
affordable
comfortable
re-wearable
in the same color family (closely, not distantly related) so that we look like we all belong together.

I don’t believe that I’ve heard from her since then.
😒

Oh, five things:
The 👗es should’ve provided coverage up top. They’re all top heavy. As I stated, she was almost spilling out on one side.

Yes bridesmaids dont have to throw certain parties or help you with anything, but of these are the people closest to you, they should want you. I dont think you should kick them out necessarily but you have a right to be hurt or annoyed by their lack of actions and support. It doesnt sound like you're asking them to stay up all night addressing your invitations, just basic interest in the wedding and if you need anything. Parties arent required but it's pretty much expected nowadays that someone will throw the party and between 10 bridesmaids, the cost wouldn't be too crazy to split? I would certainly be disappointed if I didnt have a shower or bachelorette party, as well as a lack of interest from my bridesmaids.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope the rest of them get their dresses ASAP.

View Quoted Comment Planning a wedding is a special moment in the lives of the bride and the groom. Your bridesmaids, families, and friends lives do not stop because you are current experiencing a special moment. Chances are they are experiencing special moments right now too.

I was in my best friends wedding a few weekends ago and she will be in mine in a month. We haven’t really done anything to help each other with our respective weddings because we’ve both been busy planning our own. Doesn’t mean we don’t love and support each other even though all we’ve done for each other (with respect to our weddings) is show up in the right dress and hold the flowers.

View Quoted Comment I never said lives have to stop and your situation is totally different from hers. There's no way y'all could really help each other because you're planning at the same time. I think you missed my point of support being free. If you read her statement they haven't supported her in anyway; mentally, physically, enotionally, financially and spiritually probably. None of us know alllllll the facts but the bride but from this post, they haven't done much of anything. For example, a bride shouldn't have to dress shop alone unless there's a real circumstance (out of town, just had a baby, medical issues, mental health situations, can't take off of work) you know stuff like that. Its 10 of them!!! If you can show up in the right dress and stand next to me and hold flowers, you can sit in a dress shop for 1 hour and watch me try on dresses for FREE. They should be cut.

My bridesmaids bought their dresses & showed up. A few went above & beyond (my MOH & 1 BM did a ton for my bach), a few gave speeches at the RD, but other than that they didn't help with planning. It's not really their job.

View Quoted Comment We don’t know that her bridesmaids aren’t in a similar situation. In my experience no one tries to be an unsupportive friend but their lives are going on as well and they have their own set of priorities. Support is only free if your time is worth nothing. Obviously people should (and do) make time to support their friends but that time is worth something and isn’t really free.

View Quoted Comment Maybe you didnt read all of my statements...but once again your situation is different and you missed my point again but ok you got it! 👍🏾

View Quoted Comment Did you read all of your statements? You can’t claim both that we don’t know all the facts about her/her bridesmaids situations and that her bridesmaids don’t have other circumstances preventing them from doing more than attending in the right dress at the same time.

If you (or op) want to kick a friend out of your bridal party that’s your prerogative, but that’s typically a friendship ended move so just make sure that you don’t care if that person is no longer your friend.

🙆🏾‍♀️ I did actually to make sure I didn't miss any points. The biggest point missed by you though is not helping the bride on her post and worrying about my comment and making this about me and telling me to kick somebody out of my bridal party lol. WTHeck, forget those bridesmaids, this is WW you give advice to the bride not have the backs of no good bridesmaids (REGARDLESS OF THE SITUATION) I got time but not that much time for you. Don't miss this point: no need to reply! Nita please don't respond to me again.

For my bridesmaids, I chose really close friends as bridesmaids.. Girls I thought were my friends and added 3 other girls that requested to be my bridesmaids. 2 were my husband's cousins and because I did not want my husband's family to be left out, I said yes. One was a cousin I knew but had never interacted with all my life. She also asked me whether she could be my bridesmaid and I said it's okay because she is family. I paid for everything relating to my wedding so financially I never asked anyone to support me. However, the night before my wedding I got the shock of my life. The bridesmaids came to sleep at my home so that they could leave for the wedding in the morning with me. But instead of them spending time with me to just even provide me emotional support as I was ironing my wedding dress. I overheard one of the bridesmaids gossiping about me in the room they were sleeping in.. my other bridesmaids were in the room with them listening to them. No one ever provided me any support or advice the night before my wedding. The next day in the morning, the bridesmaids were only concerned about how they would look with their makeup and their social media. They even shouted at one of my make up artists and called their own choice of make up artist. While in the reception, they were making noise while the MC was talking. It was extremely embarrassing.. and at the end of the day not even one bridesmaid told me I was a beautiful bride. This experience really hurt me And depressed me for months. I was so hurt and angry, and I decided to seek therapy.. After my therapy I spoke to my mom about it, then my mom told me.. " The girls were jealous, that's why they could never compliment you or be there for you." Then this all made sense. If you're a bridesmaid, provide emotional support, that's what friends are supposed to be for. And for the brides that realise this, It's not worth it. If they are not for you they don't have to be in your wedding and you don't have to have bridesmaids because their behaviour might progress to the wedding and because this is your day... you will be incredibly hurt and this will stay in your head for life... I forgave, but i can never forget

I feel the exact same way. I told my fiancé if I could go back, I wouldn’t have any bridesmaids at all. I wish they would even just text me and ask me how wedding planning is going. It’s really hard and makes me sad when others offer or ask but they don’t think to. I know it’s harder for me because I would be there in every capacity, but I’m working on not expecting others to be the same as me as it’s creates unrealistic expectations and let downs. I have 53 days to go and honestly just want it to be over already.