Are we having a wedding?

Just because your FMIL doesn't agree with your wedding, that doesn't mean don't have one. It isn't her day, its you and your fiance's day. As far as the venue contract I believe that many contracts state that, you can always get insurance if you feel that someone might damage something. But if that's the case, should they even be there if they can't control themselves and you have to babysit them? I think that you shouldn't solely base your decision off of her, it isn't about her.

View Quoted Comment Thank you.

I agree with the previous poster. It isn't up to your future mother-in-law as to what you want to do for your wedding unless she is the one paying for it. If you want a wedding then have a wedding. You can always purchase wedding insurance. I would also leave it up to your guests as to whether they want to travel for your wedding. Most of our guests 1.5-2 hours for our wedding and they had no issue with it. I think it only becomes an issue if you have a destination wedding which are generally more expensive. I would plan the wedding the way you want and avoid any money or wedding talk with your future mother-in-law as it really isn't her business how you decife to spend your money.

I'm not sure I'm following why you would cancel the wedding? Was she primarily paying for everything? Is it a destination wedding? If not, I would of course provide her a brief forum to express her thoughts, but then move forward with planning as usual if it's within your budget. Perhaps you can independently get a feel from out-of-town guests as to who would plan to travel. I honestly think her comments are in part just a generational thing. It's disappointing when relatives aren't 100% on board with plans, but that rarely happens so unless there are financial implications, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't continue planning. She may eventually warm up over time as she gets used to the idea. And I would definitely stop sharing things like vendor contracts and other specific details with her. Good luck!

You're legally marrying your fiance. That means you're having a wedding. No one else's negativity is able to stop that from happening so enjoy yourselves.


Every venue/vendor contract says you are responsible for damages. But if you aren't hosting a frat party, most people are mature enough to behave and not damage the venue. Nothing to stress over.

Its your choice to have a wedding or not. Everyone can afford a wedding, it just depends on how economical one can make it. Did you and your fiancé already decide on a budget? If so, calculate all the costs and see if it goes above. If so, things will need to be considered such as cutti g down on guests, opting for a cheaper menu.

I agree with the previous comments - I don't think it's necessary to cancel the wedding. I'd imagine that most venues would have a condition in the contract where you'd be responsible if one of your guests destroys something. That condition doesn't seem outrageous to me. I personally have travelled to attend weddings many times, and paid for my own travel and hotel costs. I would never expect the couple to cover that. If you and your fiance are paying for your wedding yourselves, then I wouldn't listen to your future mother-in-law's comments. You and your fiance should work together to plan everything. I wouldn't suggest sharing any wedding plans with her unless you've finalized them. If she's contributing towards paying for the wedding, then maybe sit down with her and have a conversation about what she thinks is realistic, and also tell her what you envision, and then go from there to work towards plans.

Unless your FMIL is the one paying for the wedding, it's not up to her to make any of these decisions. Your money, your wedding, your decisions. I'd move forward with your wedding planning and not listen to her

View Quoted Comment It is a descending and she is putting in 3 thousand.. she sweet nice as a peach but she really burst our bubbles with the truth of the matter.

You guys are awesome and giving me life again

Beautiful name, Sarafina! It’s YOUR wedding. You get to make the final decisions for the wedding you both can afford (don’t count on her $3K until it’s in your bank account—several brides here were “promised” money that never came through. 😩).


1) These days, many venues require liability insurance which is usually $100 for $1M of liability. Not to worry. Very standard.
2) Why do guests need a hotel room? Out of town guests can make that decision to come/not come. A destination wedding can cause a high decline rate because of travel costs but can still be doable.

I agree with the previous posters! In her defense, FMIL might feel you are getting in over your heads in terms of cost. Before you even think about working on details (favors, invitations, etc.), sit down with FH and come up with a budget that the two of you can afford without her money. Create a tentative guest list, as this is essential for choosing a venue and figuring out food and drink costs. More guests means more expensive. Once you get your venue booked, book other big vendors. Once these things are done, then you can start looking into the little details, such as favors, invitations, etc.!

Say thank you for her input and then ignore it. You can absolutely invite people who would have to travel (and they can choose not to come if they don't want to pay for a hotel). You and FH can budget your wedding yourselves becayse you are adults. Don't let your parents or his be too involved in planning or making decisions, it will only go sideways

We as brides tend to look out for everyone else but ourselves - will the guests come? Will they be comfortable? This is one of very few days when it’s all about you and your future hubby, and that’s perfectly ok. What do YOU and your FH want to do? That’s the answer. As for the guests, I’m a firm believer that people do what they want to do. If they want to travel to the wedding, they will pinch their pennies, save their money and come. It’s that simple. It’s fine to CONSIDER what your FMIL said, but that doesn’t have to be your final decision.

It’s your wedding and you and your fiancé can do whatever you want. You don’t need your FMIL’s approval. If you like the venue you found, and you can afford to move forward with it, then book it! If a guests does not want the experience of traveling and staying overnight for your wedding, then they won’t come. That is no problem. Don’t let the FMIL ruin the fun of your planning.

If FMIL is not paying for it then she should keep her two cents to herself about your finances. Do what you can afford and enjoy your darn wedding! You are not responsible for people’s travel or stay if they cannot afford it then they don’t come. Don’t let her throw wrench in your happy moment

I’m a bit confused since your wedding is in 2022... why are you giving up already? Also how does she have this much say and influence over your decision, when she’s only contributing $3k? By 2022, you can easily save $3k yourselves and plan a wedding based on your desires. Or just have a wedding that’s $3k less. But this is why I believe in couples having a wedding that they can afford and pay for themselves, because no one else gets a say in it other than the bride and groom. It baffles me how couples can be adult enough to take the huge step of getting married, yet not adult enough to make their own decisions. If you allow your FMIL to have this much influence now, she’ll continue making decisions in your lives once you’re married. So nip that now while it’s early.


On the other topic, are you truly inviting guests who would get “rowdy” and destructive at your wedding? I’m not sure why she mentioned that. Plus, being responsible for broken items is normal, hence the reason why many venues require insurance. So that seems like an unnecessary concern that she added in.

You can afford a wedding you just have to budget a lot of things, I am glad to help you as I am planning my own and in the process, date & venue is locked in

It is not her place to judge what other people are willing to do to attend a wedding. I think it would be rude not to invite them at the least to give them the option to come, and furthermore who are you having this wedding for? I realize FMIL is part of it, but it’s not for her. You do do!

View Quoted Comment Again I want to thank you guys because my fiance is reading all of the comments and is in high spirits again! The rowdy guest are friends of his and their spouses, which we are going to be talking them (i sternly will preach to them this is not that type of wedding as my son and other children will be present) about leaving their info with the resort if there are any damages. I also have already sent out mini reminders that will not be having a open bar as parents need to look out for their children. FH's dad states he is down for a wedding and wants to help. Everyone seems to know they will have to pay for their own room and travel except my mom as she will be rooming with me until the day of. My sister has started looking at ways to help diy alot of thi gs for the wedding which will help cut cost. The biggest thing we are concerned with now is the cost of food since the dress i like is under 300. Again I can't thank you guys enough for the advice!!