Are My In-laws Being Shady...already?!?!

I honestly think you’re overthinking this. I’ve never once reached out to congratulate both people on an engagement, even for the closest members of my family. I usually text/call the person I’m closest to and assume that both parties understand my congratulations is meant for them as a couple.

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Maybe I am overthinking this, then. LOL But in other situations, they've talked to me before...plenty of other situations. But I feel like I'm being iced out now.

You're overthinking it. I feel the fact that they said congratulations to him was probably their way of saying congratulations to both of you. I personally don't see why they need to reach out to you as well. Also I'm going to tell you right now because this is a common misconception that a lot of brides have. They are in no way obligated to help you. Wedding planning and financial matters are on the bride and the groom only. Don't be surprised if a lot of people don't offer to help you do stuff or pay for stuff because technically they don't have to. They are not being shady and I think as you said you tend to overthink things and I think that your expectations are different than theirs. As long as they're always respectful to you that's all that matters. When I got engaged and I told my friends and my family they did not reach out to my fiance personally to congratulate him too and we think that they had to. I'm congratulating me was congratulating both of us and same for his family.

I don’t think this is a big deal. Most people I know communicate through one of us and not both of us, including family .

You're overthinking it. You, as a couple, got engaged. They congratulated you as a couple through your FH. There's no need for them to reach out to you individually.

Well, you said you are intuitive, and you have been very close to these people for 6 1/2 years, so I am sure you know them pretty well. If your intuition says they are being shady, they very well may be! However, from an outsiders perspective, based solely on the facts you have given here, I would have to agree with PP that you are probably overthinking this & their congratulations extends to both you and FH. Congratulations on the engagement!!

Overthinking it. When we got engaged some people congratulated just my fiance and some just me, but since we are one unit it was meant for both of us. Everyone is different, some in-laws are overjoyed and can't wait to share the news and some just need a little bit of time to process. Good luck!

I think you’re taking a bit more personal than you should. By all means etiquette wise they should have called you as well. But at the same time when they congratulated him they may have felt as if they were congratulating both of you. Congratulations and give them another chance especially since the engagement just end a quarrel continue to use it to bring you all closer.

Agree with others that, personally, I think you're overthinking this. However, even if you are not, these people will soon be your extended family. Communication is almost always reciprocal, and as a result, we usually mutually create the relationships we end up with. What do you want your relationship with them to be like? Do want a relationship where you're all suspicious of everything the other says? If so, then yes, question everything they do and assume the worst of them, which will likely result in you acting in ways they then perceive as cold or rude or whatever, then they'll likely respond in kind, and that cycle will take on a life of its own. OR, you can assume that since they congratulated your FH, they are happy for both of you, and interact with them from a perspective of warmth, trust, and gratitude, which may then in turn result in them being more warm and welcoming to you. Your behavior doesn't have to be a response to theirs; it can reflect the kind of person you are and the relationship you want to create/maintain with them. You cannot control them, but you can choose how you respond. Congrats on your engagement and good luck!

I don't think you're overthinking it, I think you're second-guessing your intuition.

People get weird when you get married. Whatever narrative they're working on alters how they react to you. My one friend, my future marriage makes her think about her forced marriage and she gets weird. For me, this has been an opportunity to understand and support my boundaries.

Best of luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

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When it comes to MIL it honestly depends on your relationship with her. If its good then she probably didn't mean anything by it.

If on the other hand the relationship just isn't there between you and her then she probably just ignored you. From first hand experience MIL are funny once a ring is involved especially single Mom's. Her Baby is getting married and she is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that she is no longer #1 in his life. #goingthroughthisnow My future MIL told me that while I may be his future wife he was always going to be her little boy and she was always going to be #1.

Give it a little bit of time and then reach out to her and the waters. Maybe invite her out to shop for an outfit for her for the wedding just to see how she is feeling about everything.

Best of luck and for your sake I hope it turns out you are reading to much into things!

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Agreed. I assume they're sitting next to the person and will tell them. Non of my FIL personally reached out and it was not shady at all. They simply knew we were celebrating.

I definitely think you are over thinking this. I would understand your frustration if they did not say congrats for your FH or you, but when people say it to one of the people in the couple they don't think they need to say it to both of you.