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Just Said Yes September 2022

Anyone Marrying the first person they had a real relationship with? Any worries?

Hilary, on August 13, 2022 at 4:12 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11
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I’m getting married in 18 days and some worries are coming to my mind. I’m 26 and my fiancé is 40. I’ve dated other guys before. I had a first boyfriend in high school and then I dated my first love which was daughters father for 3 years. We never lived together and were young. I was 18 when we met and he was 20. After we broke up I dated other guys and it didn’t really work. I started dating my now fiancé 2.5 years ago. He is the first guy I’ve lived with, traveled with and gone on family vacations with. He proposed to me in 2020 and now it’s almost time for the wedding. While I do love him sometimes I wonder if I haven’t dated enough. What if I’m settling. A lot of the things he is able to do for me and my daughters is because he is the most stable guy I’ve been with. He is older so he is set on his career. He also teaches me things. While I appreciate this about him I feel like I lost my youth. I work and come home every day. I never take time out for myself or to do things with my friends and family because he finds that my friend are immature and my family doesn’t support me enough when I need help with something . I started a new job and I work alot. He feels that anytime I have a day off I should immediately think of how I can maximize spending that time with him or the kids(my kid and his kid). While I agree partially I also disagree. I have only worked here for a month and plan on leaving in September due to the work load. Any day I get off I like to relax but he feels that I’m not prioritizing the relationship like he is. He works too but his job is much more flexible than mine not to mention I’m also a full time student as well. I’m beginning to feel that he’s trying to mold me and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking or if I’m right? What do you think?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Robert, on March 20, 2023 at 6:58 AM
  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Sounds to me like you're having a gut feeling about this. Intuition is a real thing.

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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    It does not seem reasonable that he does not support you seeing family and friends. These are our broad support network. Those are the people you should be able to seek for their advice and their comfort. Keep your support network active. Is he trying to change your life or is he accepting you for who you are? We want to marry people who just make a better person of who we are, not trying to change everything.

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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2022
    Taylor ·
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    I am marrying the first person I’ve dated however our situations are very different. It seems you’re having a very strong gut feeling maybe it’s not a bad thing to listen to it
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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    That's a great thing to have only dated the one you marry. For some of us, it takes a little bit more dating before finding the one.

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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Not sure what you're really asking with this. I don't think that he asking you to spend time with your children and family is an unreasonable partner request. There's also a difference between spending time with single friends in the club and having friends who are happily married. It's good to have personal goals and hobbies of your own. This shouldn't stop with marriage, and motherhood. If he really wants to isolate you, with no friends and to not leave the house, that would be extreme.

    In terms of dating, is there value from dating around? Not really, other than you decide what you don't want. Those are essentially failed relationships. Love, loving, being loved is really learned from a healthy, loving relationship. You should ask yourself if the home you created with your partner is how you want to cultivate love and be supported.

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  • Skb
    Dedicated December 2021
    Skb ·
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    The first person I dated was someone I met when I was 18. We dated for 6 years while we were in college. We went through so much during those years: financial stress, health scares, and family problems. He did proposed and we were engaged for 2 years. His family is Christian and wanted to be married in a church. He didn’t contribute to the wedding planning not help pick a wedding date! The relationship became stagnant.
    One weekend, I went away for a girls weekend and took that time to reflect. We wanted different things at that time and were in different places in life. I knew that I couldn’t continue on with the relationship much less marriage. As hard as it was, I ended it.
    I hope you take the time that you need to evaluate the relationship And follow your instincts.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    A 16 year age gap when you're in your 20's is a red flag on its face. So is disparity in life experience. And having very specific doubts. If he "immediately" wants you to plan out how to spend time with him during all your time off and you never get to unwind, that is a sign of possible incompatability
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  • Leslie
    Devoted December 2022
    Leslie ·
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    Hmm the age gap is kinda concerning. I’m 26 too btw! I also met a guy that was 41 and tried to date me a couple years ago but I refused. Initially I did not know his age and thought he was younger. He was impressive at first because he was super mature and knew exactly what to say, he also was stable in life so I thought ugh how nice he has it all figured out already. However he made some weird comments on how he liked dating younger women because they are easy to mold and he wanted to mold his future partner to his liking. I thought that was super weird, controlling, and manipulative of him. Then I also began to think hmm why is this guy still single at 40? If he was as great of a catch as he makes himself seem why isn’t he already married( which was something he truly desired)? So I began thinking these were all red flags and steered away. Please do not settle you are worth so much! And are still young and have time to find someone closer to your age that respects and supports you and does not add more stress to your life, but instead adds peace to it. They really do exist trust me but please listen to your gut feeling and do not settle, it’s still not too late!💞
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  • E
    Expert September 2022
    EGD ·
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    It doesn't sound like this is an issue of him being the first guy you've had a relationship with but rather other details of your relationship that are of concern. I will echo the age gap concern that other posters have mentioned, you guys are at two completely different seasons in your lives and it doesn't really sound compatible to be honest.

    FH is my first boyfriend, I had some situationships during high school, but I met FH 7 months after I graduated high school and the rest is history. We do have a small age gap as I'm 27 (turning 28 at the end of this year and he's newly 25, but we've been together 8 years and honestly there's not a doubt in my mind that he's the one I want to marry.

    I'd be more concerned that it sounds like he's trying to isolate you from your friends and family.

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  • O
    Just Said Yes June 2023
    Ofelia ·
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    Hilary,

    Don't settle and follow your heart. what's going to happen when he's 50 and you're 37?

    you wouldn't be the first one to call off a wedding and I am not telling you to do it, but, do what feels is right for you and your kids. You decide how you want to live your life.


    Good luck!



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  • Robert
    Robert ·
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    Hello GuysSmiley laugh In opinion, If someone is considering marrying the first person they had a real relationship with, it is natural for them to have some worries and concerns about this decision.

    Firstly, they may worry about whether they have enough experience in relationships to make a wise decision about their life partner.

    Secondly, they may worry about whether they truly know their partner well enough to make a lifelong commitment.

    Thirdly, they may worry about whether they are ready for the responsibilities that come with marriage, such as financial and emotional commitments.

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