Anyone feel guilty about a guest's non attendance?

Nope!

The day I woke up to the notification that my mother wasn't coming, I shrieked in laughter, texted DH, my dad, and my BP, and *danced* out of bed.

If people are abusive and toxic, the last place you want them is your wedding.

Tell that guilt to take a hike! You are protecting yourself!

It’s normal to have those feelings of conflict because the abusive person has worked hard to make you doubt yourself and to feel like you deserve the abuse.

I have guilty feelings because my fiancé doesn’t want invite his half brother to the wedding or by association his family. I told him just because he has bad feelings towards his brother that it is not fair to his sister and law, niece and nephew to be excluded.


Not really sure how we are going to handle the situation because his family would be upset if we didn’t include them. His grandparents (who my fiancé is very close with) said they would not attend if we did not invite his brother.
I get where my fiancé is coming from, you don’t want toxic people around on your wedding day but he has not tried in any way to fix the relationship with his brother, and his brother had not tried to fix it either. Just feel bad for his niece and nephew. I really don’t know why I feel guilty because his brother is a jerk and his niece and nephew are little terrors. But a lot can change by October 2022.

Yes, but I know it's for the best. We decided to elope partially to avoid conflict with family

View Quoted Comment I'm so sorry you're in that position. It's difficult enough without other people saying "If you don't invite x then I won't be there".
In saying that, just because you send the invite, doesn't mean he will attend anyway. So maybe it will resolve itself that way. 🙂

I won't be inviting my sister, but I will invite my mum. My mum also doesn't deal with my sister, so I don't think she would encourage me to invite her. But I'm very stubborn anyway, and I refuse to put FH at risk of my sister's behaviour. I wouldn't be able to keep my temper in that scenario, so it's much safer all round if she isn't invited to begin with. The same applies with his dad. I couldn't let it go if he started hurling abuse at FH either. I'm very "mama bear" about my man. 🐻😂

View Quoted Comment I’m sure if we invited his brother he would attend because free booze but then would complain because we aren’t having top shelf liquor 🙄 My fiancé would be the same as you, not able to control his temper with his brother there, apparently his brother ruined every special event of his when they were younger. There is just a lot of unresolved resentment and he hates his brothers holier than thou personality, and the fact that his family coddles him and makes excuses for his behavior.


I just find it hard to support the decision because i don’t want to be the bad guy but we are a team and I want to respect his wishes i just wish his family would too.
I hope everything goes smooth for you and that you have a beautiful wedding ❤️

You should never feel guilty for not inviting toxic, abusive people, regardless of their relation to you.


I will not be inviting my parents or grandparents because they are toxic abusive. If someone doesn't like it, they can stay home.

View Quoted Comment That's a shame. I understand not wanting to be caught in the middle, but it seems like your FH has good reason for wanting him to stay away. I'm hopeful that you can find a solution that keeps everyone safe and happy for your day. 🙂

My sister would somehow make it about her and find something to complain about as well. As long as she is the centre of attention, it doesn't matter if it's negative. She created a situation on our last family holiday and sulked by sitting on the curb.
She was also a bridezilla about her day, harassing me about being late, when her wedding was the only thing in our entire day.

No, but then again we chose not to invite anyone that wasn't there for the right reasons to begin with.