Anyone else have a nightmare future mother in law?

I was definitely annoyed with mine during wedding planning that's for sure

That stinks! I would stop telling her the details. If she is just saying suggestions, just say "we havent finalized those decisions yet" and leave it at that. I think I may have hit the in law jackpot because my FMIL and ffil are both amazing, laid back, and are just letting FH and I do our thing. My own mother is the one driving me up the wall, but her and my dad are offering to help us financially, so I'm just sort of nodding and going along with it. Luckily, they are letting FH and I do most of the places being and everything, there were just a few things they asked for and we had no problem letting them have those things.

View Quoted Comment I don’t, but she essentially corners FH into telling her even a little bit and then she makes a big deal over that one little thing. Or even if we say we’re still deciding she’ll keep reiterating that’s what we have to do. She doesn’t get that we’re our own adults and we make our own decisions over what we want for the wedding.

Is she paying for any of it? If so, she definitely gets a say in some things - like invites and reception food - and it's within reason that she want to know what's going on. If she's not, then dont' talk to her about it, or tell your FI to stand his ground and stick up for the 2 of you. You shoudln't really be dealing with her at all.

View Quoted Comment It sounds like your FH needs to set boundaries with his mother and stick to them.

View Quoted Comment

My FMIL is like this kind of... she is very pushy. I have just had to lay my foot down when it comes to her. If she pushes on something and I give an answer and she still pushes I tell her I respect her opinions but this isn't her day and I will make my own decisions.

View Quoted Comment She’s contributing for the number of guests she invited. But the line was drawn at that. She’s been trying to make a say in who we select in our bridal party and said we should open wedding gifts after the wedding.. which are only some of the things she’s put her unsolicited input in. We incorporated her in the food tasting and selected the items she wanted as part of the dinner.

View Quoted Comment While he tells her these boundaries it very much becomes a we’re ungrateful and being disrespectful argument. And his parents are petty

View Quoted Comment

OK. Yeah bridal party is not something she should have any say in, you can open gifts whenever you want. Sounds like you're doing all the right things to include her. I would just practice "thanks for your opinion, we'll think about that" and then stop engaging. Again, your FI should be handling most of the interaction with his mom - so he shoudl practice that too.

View Quoted Comment The thing is she doesn’t say this to me (probably because she knows I won’t do it) but tells FH. And FH just says sure so she won’t keep nagging him about it. If he disagrees he won’t hear the end of it and his whole family will be mad at him so I’m not sure how to navigate this situation.

View Quoted Comment But that’s when the boundaries become most important. Your FILs sound manipulative and that’s not ok. Your FH has to make it clear that that behavior isn’t tolerated by you guys and if they continue, the consequences will be x. And then he needs to follow through.

View Quoted Comment

This sounds a lot like my MIL and how my H used to handle it. But really it sounds like your FI needs to get more comfortable standing up and not taking it. Literally just repeating "thanks, we'll consider it", "like I said, we'll consider it", "JJAF and I are still deciding", "we've made a decision and will not talk about it anymore". He has to learn to live with his mother being mad at him - the two of you are a family now and together you make decisions. You're setting yourself up for a life with no boundaries and an H who will always give in to his mommy. It's ridiculous that she is doing this stuff (my MIL still tries) but your FI needs to shut it down, period. It's not a horrible thing that his mom gets mad sometimes.

FMIL, every time she talks to FH, berates him for not choosing his brother as best man and tries to bully him into changing his mind. It's gotten really old. Other than that, she and FFIL haven't said a word about the wedding, asked about anything, nothing. And I can tell is really bothers FH. I guess I'm lucky that she isn't trying to insert herself into everything, but I feel bad for FH.

Totally was not expecting the drama that comes with FMIL and wedding planning. I literally opted out of inviting some people, because I know my FH has a large family, but even he agrees that he didn’t care either way if a big portion were there. Insert the opinions of his mom and here we are with a ballooned guest list... I get so close to wanting to say forget it and elope thousands of miles away...

View Quoted Comment

..... on the same boat. I let her invite a few people and it turned into 30...

We went on a short weekend trip with my FMIL & his family (actually to another wedding) & she drove me so insane I actually haven't spoken to her since.

She hasn't been involved in any of the wedding planning & I really don't want her helping with decorating or anything for the wedding, which I know is going to be near impossible