anyone else consumed with wedding regrets? (also, I updated my username)

To clarify, the wedding was beautiful, my bridesmaids were AMAZING (seriously, they went way above and beyond), and guests had a really great time. There were a few setbacks, like running late to the venue which cut our first look and pre-ceremony picture time way down, and the weather ending up rather cool and ridiculously windy, when we had been expecting it to be uncomfortably hot. Those things definitely threw off the event a bit, but certainly didn’t ruin the night. Nothing awful happened, there weren’t any big drunken dramas, despite the bartenders’ reportedly heavy pours….There were some pretty hilarious drunken shenanigans, actually. I don’t know what’s wrong with me that the better memories don’t stick out more.

I guess, I’m mainly upset that DH and I spent a lot of the night coordinating things, and running around accommodating people. So much so, that I just don’t remember ever sitting back and taking it all in. Wanting to please the guests over myself is an issue I struggled with throughout the planning process, and I’m pretty sure that all of our problems could have been avoided by hiring an extra planner/coordinator for the day of. We had a coordinator at the venue, who was actually very helpful, but there were a bunch of details she didn’t handle, which we were left to deal with as the night was unfolding. Oh, well…I almost wish we could have a do-over, but then again I’m really relieved it’s over. I’m thinking that when we get our pictures and video back, I’ll be able to see everything I missed and, hopefully, feel happier about it! Maybe I just needed to rant here

I'm not there yet, but a lot of brides on here have mentioned that they stressed out about what went wrong, etc....until they got their pro pics back. Then, with the beautiful images of all that was joyful about the day, the frustrations and regrets eased and they were able to put their doubts to rest and be happy about their day. I hope that happens for you too.

I'm sorry you feel this way now, though! But I, personally, am looking forward to your BAM, and I know it was an absolutely wonderful day. My completely unsolicited advice which I have no authority to give, lol, would be to focus on the positives, and in time the rest will fade and the memory will grow more full of the joy it deserves.

Big hugs to you!

We are always our own worst critic. Don't let yourself get down about it. It's natural to focus on what went wrong but you have to really try to break that cycle of thought and remember the happy moments. Like OriginalRandi said, once you get photos (possibly video) back and you see the happy moments unfolding again, it will bring you back to each moment and the negative will start to fade.

Enjoy DH and being married now And don't leave us! I am definitely looking forward to your BAM.

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. It is really challenging when you put so much effort into planning a wedding, not to mention money, to have these high expectations of how you are supposed to feel the day of. I would take some time to really go back over the day in your mind and tease out those good moments. I know that there must have been some, you married the love of your life!! Don't feel bad for feeling the way you feel. Our feelings are always valid. But I do encourage you to find that silver lining so that you don't always look back on your wedding day with regret.

I am a perfectionist and my own worst critic. There are definitely things about my wedding that didn't go as perfect as I would have planned, but they were all things that no one but myself noticed or even knew about. I think it doesn't help that everyone is always like MY WEDDING WAS THE BEST MOST AMAZING NIGHT OF MY LIIIIIFFFEEE which I think is an exaggeration lol. Everyone in real life I've actually talked to about this agreed that you are so busy "working" at your own wedding and hosting that its not really as fun as when you are a guest at someone else's!

Time can give you some perspective. Give yourselves time to just be newlyweds. In time, you'll most likely remember the wedding and how you felt, and when it's kept in perspective, you'll probably look back on it as a very happy day if not one of the happiest.

I don't think it happens right away -- as a newlywed, you're on a high, but regular life hasn't yet returned so there's not a lot of perspective. When the regular life stuff creeps in and emotions normalize a bit, it will happen. Or not. I mean, everyone is different.

For me, my wedding was definitely the happiest day of my life to date, but it was also followed by one of the saddest (my father's death) so in retrospect, it seems more prominent as a happy day because my dad was there and I knew our time was limited because my dad was sick.

Give it time. You'll forget some things and remember others. The intensity of the day fades but the emotion stays -- that is when you'll start thinking "Ahhh, wasn't that fun/amazing/beautiful/whatever" and sigh a little. Give it time.

Thank you for your responses, ladies! I definitely feel a little better; I'm trying to focus on the good things. One very pleasant surprise from the wedding day is that the ceremony ended up being my favorite part of the whole wedding, when I hadn't really cared much about it in the planning. I was determined to make the reception awesome for everyone, and I really didn't expect the ceremony to be a highlight, sad as that sounds. But our officiant (a family friend, who had never done this before) totally blew us away, and made the ceremony really incredible and memorable! So that's something

That's rough. I hope once you get your pictures and video back things well feel better! Even though we didn't have issues, everything was "come here and take photos" or "go there and do this." Even though we had a small wedding (60 people) I feel like we didn't even get a chance to talk to everyone!

My day was perfect, flaws and all....and there were mishaps. Mostly things only I will know or care about. You spend months planning long and hard on a day that goes by in a blink of an eye. Two days after I "realized" that David and I didn't get a picture with my mother. I went to my SIL's house this past weekend and they had a picture of my mom with us at the front of the church. She said the photographer coordinated it! I don't even remember that picture being taken. I can't wait for the pro pics....the ones people took were awesome! I so much want to glimpse what everyone else saw!!

I hear ya. I'm someone that tends focus on the negatives as well, even though we had an amazing wedding day. I danced to every freaking song, but I know that caused me to miss talking with a fair amount of guess. Also I missed late night pizza lol. Part of it might just be wedding withdrawal as well. We plan these events for a year+, and then suddenly have all this time on our hands to agonize over every detail. I appreciate what the other brides have said about getting pro pics back. Hopefully that will help us really focus on the positives!