C
Just Said Yes February 2020

Any other brides in late 30s who are planning to have kids? Feeling like the odd one out among my friends!

Cakewalk, on October 15, 2019 at 12:56 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 13
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Hey everyone! I'm 37, just got engaged, the wedding date is planned for February 2020 (relatively short turnaround as we want to try to get pregnant shortly after). Anyway, I'm just feeling like the odd one out among my circle of friends and coworkers as among my group of friends everyone either 1) got married in their late 20s or 30 at the latest and have one or two kids by now (or aren't planning on having kids) or 2) is happily single and not opposed to finding someone but not planning on having kids. I feel like I'm already so behind with my coupled up friends because most of their kids are already around 5 or 6 by now! I do have some friends who are on or planning their second marriages already but they already have kids and aren't planning on having any more.

I'm "late" compared to others as I didn't meet my fiance until I was 31 and he's significantly younger than me and took a while before he was "ready" to settle down and have kids and we finally decided since I'm 37 this year to do it now.

I'm just feeling a bit bummed because I was at a family thing with his extended family this weekend and his female cousin who is 29 was telling me how she's been pressuring her boyfriend for months he needs to propose NOW because "I don't want to walk down the aisle when I'm old and wrinkly like 35" and that "I want to have kids soon and I think it's selfish of mothers who have kids after 35 when they don't have the mobility and energy to have kids at that age". I know she didn't mean anything by it because I'm sure she assumes that I'm the same age as my fiance and not 37 but I had this moment of "Oh geez, have I waited too long? Am I going to look old in my wedding pictures while I would have looked better a few years ago? Maybe I should have pressured my fiance more like she is with her boyfriend" lol.

I do take some comfort in knowing that Megan Markle was 37 when she got married and pregnant and she looked amazing lol.

Anyway, looking for any other brides in the same boat as me so I don't feel so alone here!

13 Comments

  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·

    I'm not in the same boat age-wise, but I am in a similar boat as far as being the last to do those things! My husbands friends were all parents relatively young, early 20's. They also are all married (either kids before marriage or immediately after). When we go to birthday parties or any friend function, everyone always asks when we plan to try! Which we are trying now, but its not like you can force it. On the other hand, I work in corporate America where people thought I was too young to get married (25) and ESPECIALLY too young for kids. Many of my coworkers are single, or childless well into their 30's and up. So we feel a tug from both sides, to get a move on or wait forever.

    But, its your life and comparing to others is the theif of joy. Do what is best for you! If you want to have babies, have babies! People have children into their 40's now. If your doctor says you are healthy and good to go, by all means start that family! People will always judge you no matter what decision you make.

  • mrsanda
    VIP March 2017
    mrsanda ·
    I am not in the same age range I was 21 when I got married and 24/pregnant now. My husband is 6 years older so he is 30 now and 27 when we got married. However I think life is beautiful at every age and stage. Age is mostly a mindset. Everyone goes through things at different ages so don’t worry. It’s still great at any age, better to be getting married just now than have gone through divorces etc. you will be beautiful no matter what! Don’t worry what others think live your life and love it. People will always judge but as long as you are happy who cares. Happy wedding to you!
  • K
    Expert November 2019
    Kiley ·

    This!! This has been a huge struggle for me! I am in my early 30s, but I can definitely relate to being the last to be married/have kids. It's SOOO hard not to compare and at times it is very difficult not to feel "left out" or upset by people's comments. All of my friends are married and are three kids in... and here I am. I know my time is "coming" but this has been a huge struggle as I don't want to rush through life, but I am also tired of being un-relatable during all convos with my future in-laws.

  • Alicia
    Dedicated October 2018
    Alicia ·
    I think a lot of people are waiting longer now to get married and have kids, if at all. I’m 34 and in my 20s I never had a desire to have kids of my own (I wanted to adopt) but then I met someone I fell in love with and got married at age 33 and I’m 9 months pregnant now at age 34 and it’s my first. As long as you’re happy and it’s what you want to do, I wouldn’t let age stop anything. Also, now if it’s in God’s plans, I would like more kids sometime down the road too. And as you said, a lot of people are choosing not to have kids at all. So do whatever feels right for you and try not to compare yourself to others, although I’m guilty of that myself. Good luck!
  • Lauren
    Dedicated June 2020
    Lauren ·
    I just turned 39 this weekend and FH just turned 43 a few weeks ago. First marriage for me, second for him, and we are planning on trying for a baby right after our honeymoon next summer. I’m in the same boat, most of my friends have kids already and those that don’t plan on not having kids, so I’m definitely feeling a little isolated. I remember when I was in my early 20s the idea of marriage and kids after 35 was completely foreign to me, but I’m happy with how my life has turned out. I may not have as much energy as a young mom, but I make up for it with life experience. Also, the financial stability that came with my 30s won’t hurt either.
  • C
    Dedicated May 2020
    Christina ·
    Well, I'm in the same boat as you. I turned 36 this year. My FH is 32. I met him a year and a half ago. I wish I would have met him in my 20s. I never wanted to be an old mom. My mom had me at 29 and i always thought that's too old. And here i am. Life didn't go as planned. Most of my friends got married in their early 20s and have teenage kids by now.
    I'm hoping to get pregnant soon after thewedding, May 2020. 🤞🤞
    So let's you and I stay positive and not feel bummed out. We're finally getting married and planning our family!!
  • B
    Super March 2020
    B ·
    I'm about to be 30 and I've been struggling with this for a few years. My grandmother, mother, and sister all had kids when they were 16-19. So I'm feeling a little weird. My biggest concern is the fertility question, and that I don't want to be an "old mom". I love that my mother had energy when she became a grandmother. I love that my nieces will remember her well because she's still in great health. I am worried I won't be a fun mom because I'll be older. I helped raise my nieces and they are early teens now! Because fertility can be genetic I'm worried that all the women in my family have reproduced at such young ages, I don't know if I'll have trouble now or not. I feel like a clock timer is about to go off, but we can't start trying for at least another 1.5 years due to finances. It's constantly stressing me out. All the women in my life keep telling me I'm crazy, but they all have 6 -14 year olds running around, so they just don't get it.
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·

    We married when I was 28 and H was 35. It took us 8 years to have our "miracle baby," so I was 36 when she was born (and H was 44... ). Was I older than many of her friends' moms? Yes, but we still had a lot in common, and we are still friends even though our kids are now grown. I think adult friendships have much more to do with common interests/experiences than with chronological age. I've never in my life been much of an athlete, so I'm not sure I ever would have been a mom to coach or play soccer with my child, but I was heavily involved in virtually everything else she has done -- Brownie leader, PTA president, booster club for whatever she was involved with, etc. One of the benefits of being "older parents" was that H and I were very well established in our relationship, in our careers, and financially before daughter was born. That gave us TONS of advantages that some parents who have their kids earlier don't always have. (For one, I was able to make career choices, like working part-time and/or flexible schedules, that basically let me be a "full-time" mom, who also worked in a career I love, because we could financially make those choices. If our daughter had been born right after we married, we would likely have had to choose different options.) Unfortunately, I think your FH's 29-year old cousin sounds like kind of self-absorbed dolt to make a comment like that, but at the same time, it's kind of a compliment that it didn't likely cross her mind that you are in the age group she was disparaging. I will say, that few people realize my actual age; they just assume I'm around their age because we've been in similar stages of life at the same time. (I'm 61, and most people assume I'm probably in my early 50's, so that's a mistake I don't mind at all!

    For what it's worth, I'm a firm believer that there is always a plan to the way things work out, and there are always advantages to any situation, as long as you look for and focus on them! Good luck to you!

  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    I’m 37 and also getting married in February. However my fiancé and I are not having children as I have one from my previous marriage, and he’s already 52. But I have many friends my age who are having kids. Some didn’t get married until they were in their 30s, some had problems getting pregnant. There was a lull when I thought I was past the age of baby showers all the time, but I was way wrong! If you want to have children, that is a completely normal thing and you shouldn’t feel at all like you’re too old. I would consult with your gynecologist if you’re going to start right away, as they can make sure things are looking good to get pregnant and may recommend taking prenatal vitamins to get baby ready. Good luck and congrats!
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·

    What you're describing is normal in my circle because we're all professional women and waited to get married and start having kids until after our career was established. I was 41 when I got married (2nd marriage) but haven't had biological kids yet. We've talked about it but I have decided to adopt instead (my own medical and personal issues). However, we had nothing against conceiving our own.

    Btw, you won't look "old and wrinkly" in your pictures! That is just her immaturity showing! Here's a pic of me on my wedding day and with some friends who are in their 20s!

    Any other brides in late 30s who are planning to have kids? Feeling like the odd one out among my friends! 1

    Any other brides in late 30s who are planning to have kids? Feeling like the odd one out among my friends! 2


  • Michelle
    Devoted March 2020
    Michelle ·
    First of you're not alone!!
    I'm turning 35 next month & I often worry about the same thing....
    It sucks that I didn't meet FH until later in life but that's how it is! Things happen for a reason & often times we never know why.

    Like Aaliyah said - Age ain't nothing but a number
  • Anna
    Devoted April 2020
    Anna ·

    I'm 36 but will be 37 when i get married. I never wanted to have kids nor get married. My little sister got married at 26 (shes 29 now.). When she got engaged, my dad called me and told me i should be embarrassed that she got engaged and shes the younger sister. I never felt that i needed a man or kids to feel like "a woman." I'm the oldest of 8 and helped raised all my siblings. Heck, i'm still raising them. My mom had 3 kids after 40, the last one she 46 years old. My baby sister happens to be 10. Everyone thinks she mine, even my fh was scared to approach me cause he thought my 3 sisters were my children lol. I have always been about helping my mom. I have younger cousins who have kids and i'm like more power to them lol. I wasn't just busy helping my mom raise my siblings, also finishing school and getting my career. People will always have an opinion and i don't care. I was focusing on myself and getting my life in order. A lot of women will make comments like the one your cousin said. I don't take it as a bad thing. My parents both got married young, 15 and 17. Now they are divorced, it was ugly. It took me a few years ago to realize why my parents marriage really ended. That if i chose to get married, it won't be like that and i wont let my kids suffer. So when i meet my fh, i was ready and knew he was the one. I rather be certain then rushing and later having my children suffer cause of time. If the Lord allows it, i will have kids and am excited to make him a father. I know he will be an amazing one. So see it this way, how many people do you know rushed into marriage, had kids, and are divorce or miserable. I'm not saying getting married at an older age means having a great marriage, but you know what you want. At your 20s, you put up with more. I don't. I know what i wanted and went after it. You can always message me if you need a reminder.

  • Rebecca
    Super August 2019
    Rebecca ·

    I'm just a smidge younger than you, and my DH just turned 30, so I know how that feels.

    Most of my friends are only just now having kids - we are all in the arts and it's hard.

    That said, I understand your fear and your worries, I have them, too. It's scary being in your mid-late 30s and all the news about fertility and "geriatric pregnancies" and ACK.


    Life is not a competition. We do things when we are ready, and have the right people around us.


    Good luck!

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