Anxiety over when our parents should meet

We didn't force it, our families met naturally when it happened on its own, which happened to be our bridal shower. I don't see why it needs to be a big deal.

It will be fine let it flow

I was in a similar situation - my husband and I were together 5 years when we got engaged and our parents had never met (although they do live in different cities). We also thought it would be weird if the first time they met was at some busy wedding related function. So we made reservations at a nice restaurant for a formal gathering. Both dads were pretty quiet, as is their nature, and English isn't either's first language. The moms did most of the talking, especially mine who is very gregarious. Also, my husband and I paid the bill for everyone to avoid any awkwardness.

I immediately introduced my family to my fiance bc i was 16 when we started dating, and i couldnt expect anyone to let me go anywhere without knowing who i was with of course. I pretty much just invited him over while i was living with my parents, and i was like hay, im having a guy over id like you to meet.
It worked out fine bc i told my fiance-to-be exactly what to expect from my family. Just have sort of a family meeting about how to regard his side of the family and it should go ok. Like, tell your mom, when talking to his parents, to slow it down- not to a retarded level, but just average.
Honestly, i kinda agree with your fiance. They dont really even HAVE to meet before the wedding. Youll go dress shopping with your mother and mother in law and thats probably where theyll meet. You dont need to force it. Itll happen naturally.m

My FH's family is very conservative, and my family is very Liberal. I was terrified of them meeting each other, but they've met and interacted respectfully and peacefully and they actually are kind of cool with being around each other. My brother still hasn't met them though, and he's the most liberal of the lot, and very antagonistic. They probably won't meet until the wedding, but he's already promised me he would be on his best behavior at the wedding (and he's bringing a +1 to help keep him on track). I would say don't sweat over it. Worrying will just make it worse, and you could very well be stressing yourself over nothing.

My FH and I got engaged at just over 5years. Our parent ls had not met. My FH is deployed so my folks helped me road trip home this summer (dad drove wast with me, mom rode west). I made sure on my way back to California that my route took me through where my FH's folks live. My mom was with me on the trip back west. I did it this way bc we had decided due to personalities the moms were who needed to meet. They were either going to love or hate each other. No inbetween. I was a wreck doing it by myself but I am glad we didnt wait till the wedding. We are lucky and they get along great. My dad and FH dad are super laid back so I am not worried about them meeting. My dad wont mwet FH's family until the week of the wedding. Their one chance, while I was deployed 2yrs ago, got haulted due to some personal stuff so the wedding week will do.
It is ok to be nervous but stay positive. You guys are only 10 min apart and not 8+hrs.

We hosted a Thanksgiving at our place to intro a few of our family members (my mom, his brother & cousin). It went great!


I guess the next holiday is 4th of July. Will either family host a BBQ where your parents/siblings (or your fiance’s) could be invited? A BBQ is more casual where it’s not such a formal sit-down affair. Or maybe you could do a dress shopping day with your mom & his, then go to brunch after?

The rule of thumb seems to be meet at a midway point and a neutral location such as a restaurant. Also, the couple should pick up the check. I've looked into this because in my culture, there's even a term for the first meeting between in laws. My folks speak English as a language also, so it will be good to have food to break up the monotony.

I’d say that’s more of a cultural thing. My family is Latino and they wanted to meet his family right away. I’ve heard that for some white people (FH is white) they usually don’t meet until after an engagement. Our parents live in different states but met at around the two year mark for us. So to me it’s a little weird that you’re haven’t met, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. I would prepare your families to meet each other - tell your FMIL about your mom and ask your mom to slow down because they aren’t native English speakers. It’ll go well

Our families met three days before the wedding. I wouldn't force anything if I were you.

6 years? Wow.
We had been dating 5 months before his parents took it upon themselves to meet mine. And just went to my parents business.
They've seen each other when we were house hunting. That seems really strange to me.

We are kind of in the same boat. We are coming up on 4 years. I have met all of FH family and he has met all of mine. But, our parents haven't met at all. My parents have THICK haitian accents. My dad know and speaks English very well. My mom on the other hand, does this thing when she's nervous and acts like she doesnt understand English and speaks Creole the ENTIRE time and makes me translate everything for her. Once she gets comfortable, she speaks English as a fast pace but it doesn't translate properly in the English language. So I still end up translating. My bridal shower is in 10 days so our mom's will meet then. I really want the parents to meet before the shower like this weekend lol. Fh is in the same boat as yours that they can just meet during the wedding. I'll keep you posted if the meeting happens this weekend or how the mom's meeting goes next Saturday. Sorry I had no advice for you. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment My fiancé’s family is also Haitian. My fiancé is first generation Haitian American. My parents are southern black. I guess I’m worried about the language barrier for my fiancé’s parents. My fiancé doesn’t speak creole he can only understand it but can’t speak sentences, so he isn’t able to translate. I just want to make sure everyone feels comfortable and gets along well. I know this meeting is so overdue.

Our parents had met a few times, but never in any lengthy capacity or intimate situations, and we were worried, like you.

We tried to organize a brunch or something the week of the wedding... that didn't work out. ILs hosted the rehearsal dinner, and at one point, I poke DH, gesture to our dads... heads together, deep in convo. My stepmom had already wormed her way into the kitchen to help out MIL.

Day after the wedding?

Our parents have a THREE HOUR LUNCH.

When my parents visited spontaneously in November?

All 6 of us had dinner for 3 hours at a restaurant, and MIL was like, "next time you come to our house, and we'll just have a family dinner!"

And now my dad, FIL, DH, and I have a sports text thread.

So.

Breathe! Invite them both to things, and let it happen. Every one is a grown up, they'll do their best to make it easy for each other!

View Quoted Comment

Both of my parents (my mom more than my dad) are a bit upset that they have not met FH parents. FH parents on the other hand are like whenever it happens, it happens as long as it's before the wedding. Both of my parents are retired and love to travel months at a time. FH parents still work full-time jobs, sometimes on weekends as well. So the scheduling has been a bit hard for us to match up. I do not want to speak for all Haitian parents, but once they accept whoever is dating their child, everything else is fine with them. My FH parents are white and southern, so they have southern accents lol. So, I'm ready for no one to clearly understand each other lol. Your FH parents accept you and love you, so you do not need to have your anxiety through the roof. All of my siblings dated and married Haitian people, except me and one of my brothers, so those interactions were not awkward lol. My brother was with his fiance (non-Haitian) for 4 years before the parents met each other. The meeting happened in the lobby of the hospital when his fiancee was giving birth to their daughter lol, and to my surprise it was not awkward at all. So, everything will work out and the first interaction of the parents may be awkward to the both of you, but it needs to happen during your 17 month engagement. You both love each other and your parents and his parents love you guys, so it will all work out. Have your parents or his parents said anything about meeting each other? Good Luck!

My family met my husband’s mom at the wedding. And my extended family hadn’t even met my husband til the wedding. His aunts and grandmother didn’t show and I just met them a couple months ago. None of us have met his father, brother or sil and we’ve been married over a month. That’s just the way life is sometimes.

I am in a similar situation. We got engaged after being together for five years. My FH and I thought nothing of our parents meeting while we were dating. We figured it would happen when it happened.


Prior to being engaged, we heard brought the grapevine that his father was extremely upset that he hadn’t met my mother in the five years we dated. Although we were annoyed that we found out he had an issue the way we did, we held our tongues and arranged a dinner for FH mom and dad to meet my mom. I have a brother and sister and my mom’s husband of ten years (we aren’t close).
All goes well. Until recently when we found out through FH sister that his parents were livid my mother’s husband hadn’t attended the dinner. Which my FH and I didn’t find odd as he isn’t a very social person and as I said, we aren’t close in that way.
I think what it comes down to are people needing to be honest with their expectations. My FH and I could have cared less for everyone to meet because my family knows him and his family knows me. However, we understand if they want to ahead of time ... they just need to be vocal about it rather than complain behind our backs.
So if I were you I would just ask causally if each side wants to do a small dinner to “celebrate your engagement and meet each other.”

We dated almost 9 years before we got engaged.

EDIT: My grandma went to my FH high school graduation where she met his mom, stepdad, and grandparents in 2011. That's the only interaction anyone has had before this dinner. Our parents had never met in 9 years!

I had a small dinner with just our parents, grandparents, and siblings at a restaurant.

I was very nervous because my family is loud and shares everything and his moms side is very conservative, plus his dad and stepdad HATE each other and DO NOT get along.

Everything went find and I'm really glad that we had the dinner.

I wouldn't worry too much about language barrier. We didn't do much talking at dinner because everyone was eating but at least they met.

My FI and I were together for 4 years when we got engaged and our parents had never met each other either. So we just made reservations at a restaurant about a month later and we all had a meal together. We sat at a rounded booth so we could all face each other and FI and I were there to intercept in case anything too rambunctious was discussed. FI's mom has a throat condition that sometimes makes it hard to understand what she's saying, but everything went really well, and then the moms went to do dress stuff with me a couple months later as well. We also had a barbecue in the summer time so they could meet my brother and sister in law, so it was a big family shindig and that went even better.

Something simple and casual without a lot of pressure is best, and try not to make it wedding related so that you can discuss other things or not be distracted.

Not unusual but if they lve 10 mins away why not plan a bbq or brunch by you. something low-key or beach/pool day this way everyone can meet and theres other things going on. After 10 years my fmil met my mom at a meet the bridal party bbq i had this summer.