Anxiety over picking bridesmaids and maid of honor!

I would wait until about 9 months prior to the wedding because there really isn't anything that needs to be done any sooner. Bridesmaids dresses don't take forever to come in like a wedding dress. Asking too soon can very easily lead to regrets because friendships change over time. You absolutely don't need to have the same number of people as your fiancé. Rather than focusing on a number I would focus on who you can't imagine not having by your side.

I suggest asking yourself, “Who would I call if my marriage was in real trouble and I needed solid advice?” My siblings and my friends who have carried me through some hard times stood with me. Bear in mind, those who stand with you are to be helping support your lifelong partnership with your new spouse. Hope this helps with your decision ❤️

Why not have 7? Sides do not need to be even. I would maybe talk to the MOH's ahead of time about them getting along for the sake of the wedding. As others have said chose closer to and someone that you consider your ride or die.

I think it is way too early to ask them. Wait until 9-10 months prior to the wedding. Relationships can change in that time period.

Do not ask anyone before 6-8 months before the wedding. When you do pick them, they should be your nearest and dearest closest people. Not fiance's sisters out of obligation when you have no relationship with them or a friend from high school you have not spoken to in forever or someone who you stood for in their wedding.

I decided to not have any bridesmaids, I couldn't choose between my friends

You don't have to have a maid of honor. Simple. If it might cause problems then don't pick one. Nowhere does it say you must have one. Nor is it stated anywhere the groups have to be even.


Think on it and come to terms with it later. You have roughly 18 months to figure it out. Ask simply if they wish to be bridesmaids now and if they ask well who's maid of honor tell them a choice has not been made yet and may not have one.
I won't be having a large bridal party (including me and my FH there will be 7. Two groomsman, 2 bridesmaids, and his daughter/my future stepdaughter) and rather than choosing between my sister and friend neither of them will have the title cause it just silly to choose. No one will remember who was who years from now except you.

I would ask at the one year mark. As others have said relationships change over time and maybe your choice will be clearer.
Just worth nothing PP said bridesmaid dresses don’t take that long. Mine took 6 months, and that was precovid. One didn’t come in by the due date and arrived just 1 week before the wedding. Thank goodness it didn’t need alterations. So I’d ask at a year just to be safe.

The sides don't have to be even, so don't stress too much about that!

I think the co-MOH idea is fine, but if you think they both won't mesh well, or think it won't work with just one being the MOH, then it's probably best that you don't have either as a MOH.

As for your bridesmaids, you can have as many or as little as you want. Sides don't have to be even! I was in the same boat when it came down to choosing my girls as well though. I had 2 that I've known since elementary school and we still talk from time to time. But I also have a friend that I'm extremely close to and talk to everyday, but we just became friends a little over 2 years ago. I ended up choosing the girl I talk to and feel the closest to, which is the one that I've known the least amount of time. Just because you've known someone longer than another person, doesn't mean you're obligated to have them in your bridal party! So it's totally fine if you feel like the one you talk to the most deserves to be in your party.

Another thing that helped me was thinking into the future, and how I would feel looking back on pictures, or thinking about who would still be in my life 10-20 years from now. Choose those that you're closest to, and could see yourself coming to for anything if you needed help/advice!

Oh also the one out of state might not be able to travel, so then you could ask both that you are trying to choose between.

Like others recommend, I would wait. Work friendships especially have a tendency to feel really strong and intense and fade when jobs change.


If you know those two girls would not get along as co-MOH, I would not put them in that position. Fair or not, it would be stressful for all of you and have the potential to ruin some of your events. Pick one or neither.

If both girls are so close that you're considering them to be your maids of honor, then they should value you, your friendship, and your big day enough to put aside their differences and support you. If you think they'd really be going at each others throats for the entire process, then I'd pick just one or go with someone else entirely tbh.

I’m in the exact same dilemma as you! Ugh. I haven’t asked anyone yet, but I do have 2 best friends who I wanted to share the MOH role (one of assumed when I got engaged she would be my only MOH but I never officially asked her). I brought that up to her that I was thinking of a maid of honor and matron of honor— and she said “uhm no it doesn’t work that way” lol. She’s not the biggest fan of my other best friend. I also really worry about not adding other friends/family/future in-laws and causing hurt feelings that way. The simple thought of choosing a bridal party has caused me so much anxiety (I literally lose sleep over it— I can’t rank my friends and I don’t want to hurt ANYONE’S feelings) that it’s taken away from the main focus of the whole day—my fiancé and I, and I can’t enjoy my engagement.


So we decided to fore-go a wedding party all together to get that heavy stress off my chest. I haven’t told anyone yet (as I’m also planning for a Fall 2022 wedding) but I’m hoping once I do I will feel a sense of relief. Hopefully they will have a sense of relief as well (as sometimes it’s a lot of pressure to be in a wedding party depending on expectations, and a lot of money). Now hopefully they will be able to enjoy the day with us.
I feel like my friends are all special to me. They all fit differently in my life and add meaning to it— and they all know where they stand. I shouldn’t have to give them a title/rank them to express it.
If you decide to not have anyone, give your good friends a special role. Have them do a speech or sign as a witness. Have them hold your bouquet, fluff your dress, get ready with you ect.... Just remember the day is about you and your fiancé, and your friends also need to remember that as well.

It is not a big deal! Don’t stress yourself out about having only 6. My husband had 4 groomsmen and I had 3 bridesmaids. It looks okay! I promise! Also I think the MOH thing gets taken too seriously and it definitely hurts someone’s feelings if they aren’t it. You don’t need a MOH and all bms are the same!