Anxiety over changing name..

Just keep your name. Easy. A married woman changing her name seems to be a Western thing. As a practical matter, if you change your name legally, you'd probably have to change it everywhere. Your payroll would need to match your ID

I have co-worker friends that kept their maiden name for work purposes, but each about 4- years in ended up changing to their married names.


I’ve been debating mine as well, I always said I wouldn’t change mine or if I did it would be hyphenated, the older I get the more I realize how much I want to share my FHs name. (Keep in mind, I’m a much older bride)
Follow your heart, changing your name won’t happen overnight, so no need to stress yourself out about it. You’ll make the right decision for you

You can go by it socially at work, but if you’re changing your name legally, your HR and payroll departments need to know.

What if you hyphen it instead?

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I was going to suggest that or make the maiden name your middle name? I know my friend wanted to keep her identity so she agreed to hyphen as her husband wanted her to have his last name.

I hadn’t changed my last name at work for payroll and when I filed my taxes this year my tax guy told me if I didn’t do that a problem could come up with the IRS about identity and things so I went ahead and did that. Like PP mentioned maybe still use your maiden name socially

Can you change it to your middle name legally?

There's so much about wedding planning that makes it feel like you're supposed to be merging into one person, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I'm not getting married to complete myself, I'm getting married because I want to hang out with someone I love, forever. My fiancè is not my "other half," I've been a whole person for 30 years!


My plan has always been to add his last name and make my maiden name a second middle, but I thought I would go by his last name. As it gets closer, I'm still going change my name that way, but think I'll probably introduce myself as Alexandra MyLast HisLast. I feel like it's a more accurate representation of how I feel about marriage; I am adding something to my life without losing a part of myself.
P.S. in a lot of places you can also change it so you have two last names without a hyphen, so that might be an option if you're really torn.

I understand your anxiety. I am still undecided on changing my last name. FH totally supports me either way. His last name is long and complicated, no one knows how to pronounce it, and he has to spell it anywhere we go. Mine is short and simple. You can go by your maiden name socially, but all legal papers will have to be changed for HR and payroll. On the other hand, if you keep your name, you can also go by Mrs. when you want to as well, like when you’re out somewhere together, on vacation, etc. Keeping it as a middle name, or hyphenating are other options. Ultimately it should be your choice based on what makes you most comfortable.