Anxiety for Weeks - Wedding Stage Fright

Picture all the WW bishes behind the officiant as you walk up the aisle

Sorry, not making light of this. I was fine until I looked up and saw all the guests who came out to support us. I started crying and let me tell you, it made for the worst photos.

What will help? Hmmm--what's the worst that can happen? You trip? Get up. You're judged? Eff em. Stage fright? Somehow you will still get through and be married.

You are gonna rock that awesome dress and the awesomeness that you are. Try to give some thought to all you have accomplished lately. Look in the mirror and say "I am fucking WW awesome." Then work up to yelling it.

Sorry, that's the best I have right now besides to remind you we have every confidence in you. Your mama is looking down on you so happy. Today is 16 years my mom (OG Nonna) passed. Maybe they are discussing what a handful / heartful we are together xox

@Nonna said it perfectly. Kudos to you for not going back to sedatives after recognizing a problem.

As far as what to do....I stared at my DH during the whole ceremony from the moment I walked in the room until the ceremony was over. Also did a first touch which really helped. Walk slowly down the aisle which will help the tripling fear (I thought for sure I was going to trip). Remember everyone there loves you so no worries about judgment. When I was asked if "I do" I responded with "absolutely!" Everyone loved it. DH was so excited he cut the officiant off and said "i do" before the officiant finished. Made for a great picture! Try to relax, things will go fine!

I am right there with you. The closer the wedding gets, the more anxiety I get. We're expecting around 185 guests. I sometimes can get really shy and socially awkward, so I'm starting to get nervous about interacting with so many people on the day. Deep breaths, though, we'll get through this.

The only advice I have for you is to remember that you are in a room of your closest friends and family. These are the people who love and support you the most. They are excited to be a part of your wedding day. They aren't there to judge you! Maybe talk to someone that you know will be sitting during the ceremony (and your FH) and if you are starting to panic extra, look at them and remind yourself to breathe. Sometimes having a focal point can help your mind calm down. It works for me when I have to do public speaking!

So I'm going to tell you, as a fellow WW bish with severe anxiety, I was a wreck up until the day of. Even the morning of, getting ready I was pretty anxious (though I didn't really tell anyone).

What helped most was the first look. Giving DH a hug, seeing his face, getting him to talk to me helped calm the nerves most. Then for the actual ceremony, while walking down the aisle all I could see was DH. In fact, I have a huge smile on my face in all the pics because that's all I was thinking of. During the actual ceremony, I was to focused on what was coming next to think about all the people sitting watching. We are Catholic and so sit on the alter (great, more anxiety) and my 14 year old brother happened to be sitting next to me. He made me laugh in the 10 ish minutes we sat together and I actually had to work to be quiet and not disrupt what was going on.

All in all, it was a lot less anxiety inducing than I thought it would be. I know this may not help you in the days leading up very much, but I promise on the day of you will have too much going on to focus on the anxiety. Try to focus on that when you feel really anxious.

Can you try stress toys? Stress balls, fuzzy toys, even those stupid fidgit spinners? (I'm a teacher, hate them)

Also, something weird that works for me is the CD "return to Pooh corner" by Kenny loggins. It's so soothing and the songs are easy to sing and listen to. I often listen to it while going to sleep. It's not my normal music, which is something else that helps, I think.

5HTP can be helpful. It's an herbal. I took it before my certification test, which I was insanely stressed and anxious over. Just helped me relax a bit.

Other than that. This is your day, to marry your amazing man. You will look beautiful. Take your time walking down the isle and relish the fact that this starts the best of the rest of your life.

With anxiety, the best thing for me is the "fact check" exercise. My mind is ALL ABOUT making up worst-case scenarios and making me spend unnecessary time thinking about them.

When my therapist taught me to answer all of those "what ifs" with "the facts are..." it has helped me tremendously. It's kind of like what Nonna did.

"What if I trip while walking down the aisle..."

"I have a short dress, so it is unlikely I will trip."

"My dad is walking with me and he will help steady me."

"It will be a funny memory to look back on, and I'm sure there will be pictures!"

It's harder for wedding stuff, but it still might help you a little bit. I know each mind is different, but fact checking is what shuts up a lot of my anxiety crap.

The best advice I received the day of was by my officiant. She said just look at H and in his eyes. Even when she's talking, just look at H. It will make the pictures better, and it will make the whole things easier. The whole time I just looked at him and we cracked silly jokes (hehehe, she said doody), and just ignored the fact that anyone else was in the room.

So I don't have anxiety/depression, but the last couple weeks I have been finding it really hard to breathe. Like, normal breathing isn't satisfying enough and I have to take a deep breath in order to feel like it worked. And sometimes, I can't get that deep enough breath. This has also been making me yawn excessively.

Is this an anxiety thing? Everything I google says it is, but it's so weird. If I'm occupied, I don't notice it. If I'm at my desk or on my laptop not doing much though, it happens. Like all morning at work it's been happening. I'm afraid not to go to the doctor in case I'm secretly dying or something, but will be super pissed if they just tell me it's anxiety.

I really appreciate the support and advice, and everyone sharing their experiences. Just reading what everyone has to say calms my nerves. I feel like I'm going crazy so it's very reassuring that others have had similar experiences. Sometimes just the fact that I have anxiety gives me anxiety (hahah..hah...ughhh). I am going to follow everyone's advice - seriously, I don't know if you guys know how grateful I am for your help. Part of me feels hopeless that I won't be able to feel normal until the wedding is over, which further feeds into my anxiety. Knowing there are things that can help makes me feel better in and of itself.

@Kelsey I know exactly what you're talking about. I keep feeling like I have to breathe super deep but it's still not enough air. Usually a few deep breaths and I go back to normal but... yea, my lungs are starving. I wouldn't be surprised if it's anxiety. I've considering calling my PCP but I, too, am afraid she's going to tell me I have some awful disease. x.x

Omg my anxiety gives me anxiety... If that isn't the most true statement I've ever read.

We're going to be TTC and my PCP recommended I wean off my anxiety meds now. I'm still on them, but the fact that I will not be on them in a month gives me anxiety. Anxiety is the worst fucking disease ever.

I'm glad we're helping... If you ever want to talk outside of here, ask the mods for my email! I message a lot of people here almost daily and would love another friend!

Check out Sheryl Paul's book Concious Bride. And her website concious-transitions.com

Her stuff is amazing!

I also have severe GAD, major social anxiety, and CPTSD so I totally understand. I definitely have anxiety about having anxiety.

I don't really have any advice because I'm going through the same situation, but you're definitely not alone and I'm sure your wedding will be lovely!

I agree wholeheartedly with Nonna's response.

You got this! Go down that aisle and OWN. IT.

I think this thread just convinced me to do a first look. My fiance REALLY wanted the walking down the aisle moment, but we have also been talking about concerns over enough time for pictures. I have been feeling serious anxiety about walking down the aisle and it sounds like a first look will help.