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Devoted October 2015

Anxiety = Elopement?

Babz-n-Bre, on May 16, 2015 at 3:47 PM Posted in Planning 0 6

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So, this Monday was my 25th birthday. (No HBD's necessary, I'm not that kind of person.) I spent it with my future in-laws (after work) and was already struggling with my anxiety and the other things going on in my life right now. I tried to split the birthday song in half, with FSIL #1 and FBIL, then FSIL #2 and FMIL. Well, FMIL is the jealous type and heard the singing and basically guilted me into coming out so everyone could sing to me at once. The four in-laws, plus FW and her niece. I couldn't do it and I broke down crying before they even finished singing. Possibly relevant, I try not to make a big thing about my birthday and have never had a "birthday party" unless you count going to a rave for my 18th. (And I was definitely not the center of attention.) But this makes me wonder... If I can't handle being the focus of 6 people I've come to know very well, then wth am I going to do for my wedding?? FW and I already dropped the ceremony down to about 20 people for budget reasons, but there are people on her side I haven't actually met yet... And presumably I will be the focus on the big day. FW has discussed eloping for budget reasons (she doesn't want to wait until next summer and I can't imagine affording the ceremony and reception before then) but the birthday fiasco made me wonder if my anxiety will force me into giving up my big plans. I mean, I'll be happy as long as I'm hers, but I was excited about the stupid dress and the stupid flowers and all that, and I feel like it would be a waste if it's just for me (and even sillier if I wear a beautiful gown to the "reception" barbecue at a park). Any anxiety-riddled brides have any tips on how to overcome this hiccup in the plans? Or should I just wear my stupid dress anyway and put more focus on the video?

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Private User, on May 16, 2015 at 4:42 PM

Master October 2015
GrayCatVintage · on May 16, 2015 at 3:52 PM
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There was a bride on here last year who tried to force her way through the ceremony - she had really bad anxiety issues and it didn't work. I felt so bad for her as she described almost fainting from hyperventilating. She had to walk down the aisle with her dress unzipped, barefoot, and she could not even handle the veil. It sounded horrific and it was all over being the center of attention. I know if it was me and my anxiety was that bad there is no way I would ever go through with a "public" wedding.
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Devoted October 2015
Babz-n-Bre · on May 16, 2015 at 4:00 PM
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At least it helps to know I'm not the only one! I swear, when things get this bad is wen I'm extra thankful (and certain) about my FW. She's very accommodating and she kinds just reminds me that it's all in my head. But if another bride nearly fainted trying to push through it.... I'm probably going to wimp out of the theatrical ceremony and just make the best of the party.
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Celia Milton · on May 16, 2015 at 4:02 PM
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You're not the only one; I've had at least three brides cancel the ceremony entirely; I married them before hand and the guests entered to the party. . Can you do a private ceremony and do a party?
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VIP May 2015
future mrs hall · on May 16, 2015 at 4:09 PM
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I'm not into being center of attention either, but the majority of people will be loved ones so it shouldn't be too bad. the best advice I got about staying calm during the walk/ceremony is to keep your eyes fixed on fw the whole time. the other people kind of just blur away and its just you and her at the end of the aisle. then you get to the end and its you two, holding hands, looking at each other and the officiant reading the ceremony. it was after that I kind of realized "oh hey, all these people are here" and actually, I didn't notice until we watched the video, but dh and I booked it, lol we walked down that aisle so fast. after that, its just a good time with loved ones.

eta: that was just my experience. if you are completely dreading it, I like celias private ceremony idea.
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Super May 2015
JoyBekee · on May 16, 2015 at 4:23 PM
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I know how u feel. I felt the same way last year and finally moved our wedding to destination... Attention anxiety hurts
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VIP May 2016
Private User · on May 16, 2015 at 4:42 PM
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I also have anxiety (but it's not about being the center of attention, it's about getting sick on an important day... I get sick all the time because I'm so scared of being sick) so FH and I will most likely be doing a small ceremony with a big reception. So there's something to consider maybe?
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