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Mary
Dedicated December 2022

Anxiety and depression

Mary, on February 18, 2020 at 4:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 20
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So one of my posts was about the stress I dealing with my religious mom. Well, me and my fiancé decided the best would be to just have a private little courthouse wedding for now and then next year when we are done with school and have the actual wedding we want. Well, I’m getting married this Friday. And let’s just say I not in a good happy spot... my whole
side of the family is yelling at me calling me a sinner and I will go to hell and all those stuff. In our family it’s a huge sin marrying outside of church (it’s a ticket straight to hell) and marrying someone of not the same religion. My fiancé isn’t catholic but I lied to keep
Peace. Like, I haven’t been this depressed and anxious since my dad passed away. I really don’t know how to pick myself up and be happy with the decision. I’m doing it for supposedly less stress, legal stuff, love, and peace and happiness. But idk

20 Comments

  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I’m so sorry they’re being that way when all you want is to marry your love at peace.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    I am so sorry they are acting that way and that you feel so horrible when this should be the happiest time of your life!


    I have to ask though... is there really a harm in waiting until next year to have the wedding? I don’t agree with your family’s guilting or their reasoning... I think you should do what makes you the happiest. But if you are THIS miserable, is this decision really what will make you the happiest?
    • Reply
  • Chantal
    Expert May 2020
    Chantal ·
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    I'm really sorry to hear that you're getting this kind of response from your family. Honestly, that really sucks.

    Let yourself cry. Let yourself get angry. Let yourself feel all the emotions that come with this, but don't linger on them. Don't swallow them. Tell your FH everything and get it off your chest (he might not be able to do anything about it, but our FHs are there to listen and let us rant and rave).

    Your courthouse wedding is perfect for what you two want right now. I know it's hard to mute all the voices around you telling you it's wrong. But when push comes to shove, it's you and your FH that will be living and loving together. They can either get on board with that or not. I'm sure that you've explained your reasons, so you've done all that you can. If you need more time to get excited about your courthouse date, would it be possible to move? You definitely don't want to walk into the courthouse with any doubt or other negative feelings.

    Again, I am really sorry that you have to go through this! Feel free to reach out if you want someone to vent to. I understand how intense family pressure can be for sure.

    • Reply
  • Mary
    Dedicated December 2022
    Mary ·
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    Thank you. They just don’t understand that I will eventually have my marriage validate by the church. It’s my dream to be married in my dad’s favorite church. We don’t have time and money. they want my fiancé to take classes and receive sacraments because he isn’t catholic. but that will
    Take too long and we already have too much on our plate. And not to mention the stress! My mother in law is gay and I don’t want her to be treated badly and so much more
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  • Mary
    Dedicated December 2022
    Mary ·
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    There isn’t it’s just I thought this decision would be less stressful. And don’t want to wait longer too (we’ve been engaged 2 years). Since my fiancé isn’t catholic they want him to take classes and receive the sacraments. But we don’t have the money to pay for more classes because we are already paying out of pocket or school. And my family don’t know my mother in law is gay so I’ve been stressed out on how my family would react to that
    • Reply
  • Mary
    Dedicated December 2022
    Mary ·
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    Thank you for kind words. My fiancé knows and is taking me out tomorrow to make me feel better. My girlfriends are also taking me out Saturday. We’ve been pushing the date further because of my family. I don’t have any doubts about me being with the wrong man. I’m just feel the relationship with my family is over. Even the kids in the family are calling me bad and my family is all like “see, even the baby knows where your soul is heading.” I think I will cut of my phone for a couple of days and focus on being happy and excited again
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I do not know much about catholicism but I will say that God is God regardless of which exact religion you follow. Is he religious? I know of churches that have married people that are not of the same faith. Have you considered a non demoninational church? My friend married her husband in a catholic church and he was an aethiest so I am sure you can find a church. May I ask why was the less stressful decision was to a private wedding? Was a bigger wedding stressful? I am not sure if you would want a family that would shame you as such to be there on your happy day. I think you should speak with a councilor to help with your anxiety and depression but honestly it does not sound like doing this would truly make you happy. I feel you do not have to wait longer if you do not want but you need to do things your way or you will never be happy. I think you do need to tell your family that how they are treating you is making you feel this bad and has made your marriage process unhappy.

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  • Mary
    Dedicated December 2022
    Mary ·
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    I can marry him in the church but because he isn’t catholic they require him and me to do some stuff. I can’t marry in a church that isn’t catholic because that is just as much of a sin on my part. Having a bigger wedding would be more stressful because my side of the family is crazy. And my fiancé’s mom is gay and my family won’t take that. My mom already invited all her friends who are just as bad and we had a fight when I said I did not want her friends there. And so
    Many other stuff. I do want to be married in the church in the future when we have more time to do the requirements. But as of right now we want just a ceremony with just the two of us and the minister
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    It is hard for you family to make things hard but let me tell you something...it is NOT a sin to get married outside of the church. God can bless your wedding regardless no matter where you are. You ARE NOT a sinner. Also, just because one goes to church does not mean they are saved if they do not lead the best life so the church is not the end all and be all. Plus your family judging anyone is a sin if we want to get technical.

    How long would it take for him to do the classes? Are you sure you could not wait longer? Also, have you considered having an intimate wedding with a few close friends and family.

    I just want you know you fell in love with who you fell in love with and it does not matter that his mom is gay or that he isn't catholic. It does not make you or them bad or sinners so the only way you can help your anxiety and depression is for you to realize that too and once you do these words won't hurt.

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  • Mary
    Dedicated December 2022
    Mary ·
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    Thank you 🙏🏻 I needed those words ❤️ Priest told me he needs a year before he can receive the sacraments and before we marry. The ceremony will be between me and him and minister only. Saturday night I go out with friends though
    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Rockstar November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I think a night out with friends will make you happy. I will say just check with the church how it works getting legally married prior to a church ceremony to make sure you can. I also suggest disconnect from your family for a bit for your mental health.

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  • Crystal
    Devoted November 2020
    Crystal ·
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    I'm sorry you've got this. They can be mad all they want, but at the end of our lives, it's God's job to judge, not theirs. I'm Catholic-ish, but its the hate they carry that makes me not want to be Catholic. They aren't sinless, so maybe they should put down their stones.


    Many hugs your way.

    • Reply
  • Fleur
    October 2020
    Fleur ·
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    Honestly I’d prioritize getting away from the torment over anything else right now. Girl, you need to distance yourself from her. Tell her no more talk of religion, period. Your spiritual life is between you and God, period. If she brings it up or says anything about it again, leave or hang up. Period. Your health is of paramount importance. Thinking of you...
    • Reply
  • S
    December 2020
    Shelly ·
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    Do you care if your ceremony isn't religious? If you don't care, have your private courthouse elopement. Religion is not necessary for a marriage. All that is needed is the legal document which you need for a church wedding also. I wouldn't even go through the process of getting re-married in a church down the road. Use that money for a belated honeymoon instead.

    As long as you are sure this is the man you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with, do it without the family drama. Sure they will behave badly for a while. Ignore their calls and social media. Cut yourself off from them temporarily and enjoy your private wedding and new life.

    In the future when/if they start drama......change the subject, leave the situation, or tell them you aren't interested in their opinion on the matter. Don't fight about it.

    When you start a family and there are grandkids, things will most likely get better.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    There are many Ministers who will baptise you, if not previously baptised ( or even if you were . Then marry you, even a small chapel service, with or without guests (beyond legal witnesses required in some states. ) According to them, if two baptized Christians, of any kind , say their vows before God and a member of the clergy ( Christian), the Catholic Church will later validate it as Christian Marriage, because they recognize it as a sacramental marriage. They will recognize a civil marriage as legal but not sacramental. Therefore they will not validate it later. Many Christian denominations are much more flexible than the RCC. Around here, Unitarian and Congregational Church ministers , as well as Ministers who do not have a congregation at present, because teaching, retired, or earning their living otherwise, are happy to do it. In a church, or other place. They must be of a Christian denomination. And legal in that state. What state are you from? Some Ministers advertise, others, someone here on WW may know about. Many are more concerned that loving couples do marry, than that they immediately join a church. And to formally hell little perhaps when you arrange it, a priest will tell you that no baptised person, entering into a sacramental marriage, is in sin, or destined for hell. That is not the Church's teaching, that is your mother's hysteria. Even if you never join the Catholic Church, they will recognize it as a salad Christian Marriage, not sinful.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Valid Marriage , not salad( autocorrect!!!)
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    At the end of the day you gotta do what’s best for you even if other people don’t agree with it
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  • Amy
    Beginner June 2021
    Amy ·
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    Sorry to hear this girl! So hard when families can't be supportive and go out of their way to be demeaning... because they are bound by so many religious obligations they want you to feel bound also. BUT It's your life and your choice. No one can or should force their religion on you.


    I'm glad your fiance is supportive of you at this time and also your girlfriends😍. (You are very lucky in that regard. I don't have friends to help me plan anything, but my family has generally always been there for me. I guess we can't have everything. I've been really sad about a lot of what I don't have right now, but I am trying to focus on the love and support that is there and grow that.)Much happiness to you at this special time!🥰🍷💐
    • Reply
  • Dajia
    Savvy August 2021
    Dajia ·
    • Flag

    I’m a Christian, and I know little about the Catholic Church.
    However, from what my friends, who are Catholic, tell me, the Catholic faith
    relies heavily on religion more so than FAITH itself. I hope you know Jesus
    loves you and your fiancé. God will not send his child to hell because she is
    choosing not to be wed in a building that condemns people for what THEY (other
    sinners) declare as sin. If your husband is an atheist I would recommend
    exploring other churches, specifically ones that actually educate Gods word and
    the gift of Grace. I believe having faith in the Lord is important and it would
    be beautiful if he was introduced and welcomed with open arms by followers of
    Christ.

    Remember, the religious teachers were the ones that mocked
    and demanded Jesus be nailed to the cross. God doesn’t care about the
    technical, religious rituals. He’s looking at your soul and the Love you carry
    in your heart for Him (Father, Son, Holy Spirit). He sent Jesus because the Old
    Testament was failing, no Man could live up to His moral expectations (Exodus
    and Leviticus). Jesus saved us so we may be given another chance every day we
    live to take another breath. Just spread love and don’t make others make you
    feel like garbage. We are all valued by the Father. We can’t help who our
    family are, but we can help who we choose to keep close to us. LOVE YOU, STAY
    STRONG!!!!!




    How can you say, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your
    eye,' while you yourself fail to see the beam in your own eye? You hypocrite,
    first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to
    remove the speck from your brother's eye.
    ” -Luke 6:42

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  • Jessica
    Dedicated May 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag

    Please message me so we can chat. I was married once before so I'd definitely be on the fast track to hell if your family met me. I am getting married in May and we are eloping just the two of us because I can't deal with opinions of others. This day should be so special for you and your future husband. Please please try to enjoy it and leave all the nonsense thoughts out of your head. I KNOW how hard that is, I suffer from anxiety myself. This day is yours and your FH's and it is beautiful no matter how you decide to do it Smiley heart. Congrats!!!

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