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Expert June 2021

Another way besides the wedding website to share our registry?

on December 25, 2020 at 5:11 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
Happy holidays everyone! I hope you are your loved ones are happy, safe and healthy!
When starting this wedding planning journey I stuck to the rules of etiquette. I wanted to do everything right and since there wasn’t anyone in my family who had planning a wedding experience, I leaned heavy in WeddingWire to guide me through it. My fiancé and I put everything on our wedding website that we had been designing for months. We sent save the dates in November with the link and we are now finding out that A. No one understood what a save the date is. B. No one turned the card over to find the link, which we are surprised because there’s a giant picture of us on the back as well. C. No one knows what a wedding website is. We read repeatedly that it is rude to flat out send your registry so we put the information on our wedsite and sent the link through our cards. Most cards are already misplaced because no one knew what to do with a save the date, many thought it was a formal invite (if you are still planning and haven’t sent out save the dates, go magnetic and save yourselves the stress) traditional weddings are not common in either of our families. There are many marriages but they are all court house weddings so the traditions and etiquette we are following leaves our family lost. The last wedding in my family was in 1996 I was 4 and a flower girl. And my fiancé’s was his mom, years before he was born. So I’m at a lost with how to get everyone the information. Even all of our covid safety and efforts we will be taking has not gotten to be viewed because no one visited the website so we are finding ourselves repeating the information that is already readily available on our site. My next question is what are some plan b ideas to get our guest all of this information. We especially want them to have the covid information because it’s so important and we want our guests to have a peace of mind when making the decision to attend or view virtually. We are not having a couple or bridal shower, so aside from the formal invitation there isn’t any other wedding stationary going out. In our situation and a it okay to break away from etiquette and tradition to get the information to our guests?

Thoughts and suggestions?

9 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on December 26, 2020 at 6:51 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    When you send out the formal invite, I would include a separate (hard to miss) card with the wedding website that states the website has information on Covid safety, hotel block, and so on (just don't mention the registry).
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    When I planned my first wedding, Save the dates were not in use yet. And the kind of registries that had been known were not linked to all stores in a chain. Mostly they were in individual brick and mortar stores. Some women had bridal luncheons ( social day or eve, no gifts) or a shoer or 2 in different places or bachelorette. No one I ever heard about had 2 parties, and bachelorettes did not even make it to etiquette books except
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I agree with Hannah. I would have a details card that explains that all information about the wedding is on your wedding website. Make sure the card is large enough that it can't go unseen.
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  • Katie
    Expert January 2021
    Katie ·
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    People will ask for your registry info if they can’t have it and want it.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Sorry, puppy post.
    except as a comment that some women older and not in need of shower gifts simply went out for one evening with a large group, in imitation of mens' parties
    ... A lot on WW do not realize that the explosion in numbers of people with the first easily used inexpensive personal computers, and stores using computers everywhere, made modern registries and Wedding websites like The knot, Wedding Channel, and WW all happen. Reality TV got seriously into weddings **** to start, and the power of advertising with computers and stores and wedding websites pushed an amazing number of never heard of things. ... I f your family or guests have not been involved wothseveral weddingd since 2003 to 2008, they don't know about computerized registries, or Save the Dates oe couple's wedding websites, or videotaping weddings ( for commoners)or having Hair or makeup done on site, even if you are not a celebrity or rich. These are all newly invented, or newly used outside of tv and movie land. A lot of users of websites like the knot or WW start with almost no understanding of traditional etiquette, while others are well versed in it long term. Many, particularly young people or big TV and social media users, absorb the things that TV and movie comedies puts on. They want to create drama, including totally rude and outrageous things, very Me, Me, Me, and It is my day I get everything I want. ... And folks think, this is how it is supposed to be....The good thing and the bad thing about WW, is you have a constant mix of people exchanging info. It is helpful to learn Etiquette, but you never know if the person who advises you actually knows the right answer, or is making up some combination of things that looked good on TV. And advertising is out to sell, sell, sell, and so all kinds of things we are told we must do never existed until 2 years ago or five, or ten. Like, in WW and from a niece watching TV, they now have articles on good presents to give your SIL. Except that giving In-laws, or your own si lings, or your parents or proposal gifts or getting ready robes and shirts, NEVER have been part of weddings. ... Wedding registries are only used as suggestions for those guests who have already made it clear they want them. It is bad manners to point people to your registries if they have not asked. That is why they do not belong on Save the Dates or invitations. ... The pre- STD was to let anyone who needed advance information before the usual invitations come out, find out by talking, in person or on the phone, or by letter or email. And people who wanted to know would ask, where are you registered? or recently, do you have a website. Sending Saves leaves out that return channel of communication, people who want to know, asking. Polite way. ... Tell your close family and your bridesmaids where you are registered, and if you have a wish list of things ot registered for, like you want to buy $800 worth of chairs to go with your table, or wood from lumber supply to build a deck, or a cord of wood for fires. Word of mouth. Anyone who calls or asks you or any of your family or WP for suggestions, can be told straight out. Because they asked for suggestions. Same with your website. And they can both be printed on shower invitations by the Hostesses.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    There was a time when wedding websites didn’t exist and, even then, it was still rude to mention gifts or registries on wedding invitations. Doing so is basically saying “we would love for you to come to our wedding, oh and here is a list of the gifts we want you to buy us.” If people want to know where you’re registered, they’ll ask.
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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Hannah is on point- I agree with her. When you’re assembling your invitations, put a info card in there about your website, hotel blocks, entertainment & restaurants (for before or after the wedding). Definitely don’t include your registry- if people want to know, they’ll ask. If not & they don’t look at the website, they generally bring a card with some $$ in it.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I agree with others that I would not worry about this.... People will figure things out, if and when they need to. With the wedding still 6 months away, people are not really concerned with your Covid-related plans and certainly not with your registry. When the invitations go out and they actually have to RSVP, they can go to the website you mention again on an enclosure with the invitation. If they want to know about a registry, they'll either eventually find it on the website, Google your names and find it, or ask you or your mom/etc. for the info. There is no need to "remind" them -- if they want to, they'll figure it out. If they don't want to, they'll gift cash or something random that they'd give you whether they had your registry info or not. Some people will do their own thing regardless.

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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Word of mouth when guests ask and listing info on your website is the only way. There is never any acceptable reason to break etiquette because it exists to navigate social situations which have and will always take place.
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