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Chelsea
Expert July 2021

Annoyed with the soon to be in laws

Chelsea, on November 2, 2020 at 11:43 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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I have been engaged since June 2019 my big day is July 2021. I have been with my fiancés for 10 years.

I wanted a smaller wedding and my fiancé wanted a big wedding. I put my foot down at 250. My side/family all went under and his family all went over on invites/STDS. My parents said they would cover the cost of everything as long as his parents would cover booze and rehearsal. My fiancé and I are also paying for the wedding. His parents are divorced and his dad one min tells me i don't need this big wedding and hes not going to help but than says he's fine with covering booze. Jokes on you your son wanted the big wedding so stop sharing your opinion! If he doesn't my fiancé and I have to come up with the money. Just annoyed because I get comments well I invited 500 people and had a wedding for less than 5K ok that was the 70s! im trying to be cheap as possible.

Ive asked my fiancés mom 3 times if she would cover the rehearsal dinner. I have been told its to far out who cares.... mean time she asked if she wanted to pay for the cake cool yeah! so she puts half down. Than she offered to pay for flowers. Cool yeah she wanted this lady for $1,200 and I refuse to spend that much on flowers. I found someone for $515 no money till later. Time has gone by and I asked a 4th time will you cover the rehearsal dinner. Her response did you send out save the dates yet? yes? was told she wouldn't have $800 to drop on a dinner and wouldn't pay for booze at the rehearsal... meanwhile I haven't even planned of what food or anything and I said we could do a 2 drink max or even do a backyard thing! She just got all defensive and argued..... she is also taking jabs any talk about the wedding. I told her 40 guest she has the most at 72! She also makes the most $ out of all of us. I figured by saving her money on flowers she would at least say yeah that money can go towards the rehearsal.


Anyways.

I think If I just offer to pay for the flowers do you think she would than pay for the rehearsal?

Was that a mind trick!? She asked if I sent STDs first before answering... I don't understand they had 3 boys and expect brides parents to pay for everything but yet don't understand why we cant have a 500 guest wedding. They aren't old school but yet want to stab at me any comment they get for the wedding. I'm ready to just scream and my fiancé as we have all our vendors locked and now 7 months till the wedding. I just wanted Vegas or a 50 guest wedding Smiley sad I have been planning and doing everything and im so over it every time I talk to his parents. advice please?

10 Comments

Latest activity by MOB So Cal, on November 3, 2020 at 11:34 AM
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, if his parents are the ones wanting this big wedding, then I would sit down with them and say look, we do not have the finances to cover this big wedding. We are going to cut the guest list in half so that we can afford to pay for the wedding and the rehearsal dinner and the booze. If you would like more guests than what we can afford, then you will need to contribute financially (and you will need that money in your hands before making any changes). No compromises. End of story.


    I just can’t stand to see families interject and push their wants onto couples for their weddings. But then don’t contribute anything towards it. If you aren’t contributing financially, you don’t have a say (unless the couple wants you to).
    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Expert July 2021
    Chelsea ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you. I feel this way as well as she has only helped with $250 as my parents have $12,000 in vendors cost and my fiancé and I are going to be at 5K! Like the booze if everyone will come will be 3K so yeah if his dad pays it i dont expect him to pay for anything else but for his mom to be way over the list and then barely pay to help its like hello whose paying for this!

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring Online ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn't book anything they want if they haven't physically given you the money or transferred ot to your account.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I agree with the previous comments! State that you will plan for the wedding that you and your fiance can afford, and if they insist on additional guests beyond that, they need to cover it (and make them aware that you'd need the money for the extra guests upfront). Do not book anything extra unless the money is in your bank account - I've heard so many horror stories from people who have been promised money, so they book the venue that's out of their budget, and then the promised money falls through, and they're stuck paying for something they can't afford.
    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Expert July 2021
    Chelsea ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you. I really didn't think it would be an issue with the in laws.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    1. I would separate your FH from his family. It sounds like your FH wants the big guest list, even outside of what his parents may or may not want. If he wants that, he should be contributing to it.


    2. I wouldn’t add or do anything they want unless they’re paying for it up front.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with this. Build your wedding around the money you currently have and your own desires since it is your day, not theirs.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    My FIL did start to talk a lot about how little they had spent on their wedding, but after a bit he realized.. yeah, that was the 80s. And they had a different crowd.

    This is *your* wedding. You get to make the rules.

    Now is the time to learn that "No" is a complete sentence, and that boundaries exist. And crossing them creates consequences. It's hard, but you can do it!

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I had a similar issue with my MIL during our planning. I wanted a smaller 75 person wedding but my MIL came at me with this long list of everyone she needed to have there (which was more than 75 people). I compromised with her and we invited 100 people, but they agreed to chip in since my parents did as well (but my parents didn't have an obnoxious guest list request). In the end, I told her she could invite 50 people of her choice (half of the 100) and that was it. She ended up only giving us half of the money she said she would, but I never asked for her opinion on anything and did not book any vendor she suggested.

    I say all this to say, you and your FH plan the wedding you want! Don't listen to other and don't feel obligated to appease anyone.

    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    If people haven't voluntary offered/committed to pay for things (and, you feel confident that they are the kind of people who will actually have the money AND give it to you at the time it's needed), I'd stop asking/badgering them and plan a wedding you can afford with the funds available. If you've already asked his mom FOUR times about paying for the rehearsal and she's avoided answering or said she will not pay for it, for goodness sake, quit asking.... Based on your post, it's unclear if you and fiance are currently on the exact same page about the size and scope of the wedding guest list and the budget. If you're not, you need to have an honest heart-to-heart immediately about exactly what funds are clearly available and then, if necessary, alter your plans to fit the budget. Personally, if there are future conversations to be had with his parents, I'd leave it up to him to have them. Plan the wedding the two of you want, with the money you have access/control of. Stop asking others for money and you can stop listening to their demands. Good luck!

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