An uninterested Bridesmaid

I would maybe check in with her and ask her if she is doing okay. It could be that she feels that you only talk to her about wedding related things? And technically the only thing required for her to buy the dress and attend the wedding itself. If it was optional for hair and makeup, she could have also thought it was optional to attend the salon since she wouldn't be receiving services. Good luck!

Girl this honestly sucks! I am so sorry! I would consider doing 2 things: 1) Call her or meet up with her personally and tell her that you feel very hurt by how she is acting. You can also tell her that you truly only want bridesmaids that want to participate, so if this is too overwhelming for her or if she is too busy, you completely understand if she does not want to participate.

2) Maybe talk to your mom or someone that is also close with her and have THEM inquire about why she has been so absent from planning, and have them tell her how hurt you've been feeling since you would like nothing more for your sister to be involved.

I would absolutely arrange to meet with her alone and tell her how you feel. This is a big day for you and she should be happy for you and want to participate. Do you think she is jealous or maybe something else is going on in her life? Either way I would want her to know how I felt and give her the option to back out if she doesn’t want to be part of your special day

The only thing a bridesmaid is required to do is get her dress and show up, some maids go above and beyond, others stick to the minimum. I know we all get excited about our weddings but everyone other than the wedding couple does not care nearly as much, life goes on. Your bridesmaid probably just isn’t a wedding person, she wants to be there for you on your wedding day but the other stuff isn’t a big deal to her.
I don’t think either of you are in the wrong for how you feel, you just have different viewpoints.

Has she always been uninterested in shopping, makeup/hair and attending parties? There's no guarantee that she'll change just because she has a "bridesmaid" title now. Since she's your sister, I'd just let it be. If she doesn't come to things then oh well. It'll cause way more drama with your family if you "kick her out"

On the other hand, maybe she'll turn around. My brother is the type that "hates everything" and doesn't want to do anything but as a groomsmen he sucked it up and went tux shopping, attended the bachelor party and stayed with the guys the night before, and he actually enjoyed himself even though he might not admit it. He's just a stubborn/cranky person. If you ignore his complaints and just "let him be" he sometimes comes around

See the tricky thing is- this isn’t how she is with weddings. She’s been in like 20 (very popular in her friend group) and she attends every one of their events. She even went to Paris last year to help her friend pick out a wedding dress and make the invitations (she was marrying a French man and was in Paris with him until the week before the wedding in America). She also did very similar things toward some me with her own wedding last year: I wasn’t invited to her engagement party (that was on my birthday) and wasn’t invited to her three day bach party in Montreal or to go dress finding with her friends. I think she thinks of it as “we’re sisters, we’re mandated to be in the party” but doesn’t actually care to be a part of it and if that’s the case, I don’t want her to be.

None of this indicates she's uninterested in the wedding itself, just all the extra optional parties, group dress shopping, paying for professional hair and makeup, and sitting around a salon watching others get their hair and makeup done. Some people simply aren't into all those extra things. As long as she is at the wedding wearing the agreed upon dress then that's all she's required to do.

This bridesmaid sounds like she might be strapped for cash.

Some people are interested in the wedding itself, and bored by planning, prep stuff, and don't feel like they have much in common with the rest if the bridal party. But none of this things are required to be done as a group. I would quit any wedding if I had to tag along to a hair salon when I was doing my own hair, or having some one else do it. I never buy anything when shopping in a group, just with 1 other person or along. With a group, nothing seems right, too many opinions, too many people with different ideas
Let her, and any one else, do what they are happy with. Group shopping, group getting ready stuff is a very new phenomenon. In imitation of reality and celebrity TV. But generations of people never did it, and we'll over half of the weddings I have been involved with, no group shopping and no group grooming. It simply does not interest a lit of people. What is the point in getting upset because she is like half the population? She is not on a bridal cheerleading team. And she clearly has no wish, or need, to get to know or do anything with your friends. She is your sister. She is there o my for you, not part of a group cast. Let it be. Do what you want with your friends.

View Quoted Comment If she does not want to, then she won't get the dress. But you point to times she has done these things happily. They are friends, not family, and just because she likes to party with her friends, does not mean she has the slightest interest in partying with you and your friends. Let her be a sister. Get the dessert, show up groomed and ready, do the wedding. Why can't you be satisfied with that? Why do you need to make decisions for your sister, and decide what she needs to do? You are getting married. You have not been made a boss of a work crew. She is an independent, adult, married woman. Let her take care of herself, and act like a sister not a buddy .

I know we all get to a certain age where our parents can't force us to act right and treat each other with respect but oye vey my italian mother would never let this fly if my sister was acting like this. I can understand not attending the bachelorette and choosing not to get hair and makeup done for money reasons, but why not attend the engagement party also why doesn't your mom pick a date for the shower your sister can make? She sounds like she has a stick up her arse. I'd say okay if you don't want to do anything, then don't be in the wedding. Idk how your relationship has been before the wedding process, but you need to talk to her. I wouldn't let a friend do this to me let alone my sister.

View Quoted Comment I guess I wish she could be my buddy. It’s not like we have a terrible relationship. If it was about time or money, I would be completely understanding. It’s about neither of those things, it’s about her relationship with me and that’s what is upsetting. It’s not that I need everyone to be team bride, i’m Not a bridezilla like that. I just hate that we don’t have a good relationship and idk what I did to cause her to not want to show the same enthusiasm with me as she does with everyone else she comes in contact with

Since she’s done so much with the others and it’s not just a she doesn’t like wedding stuff, I might seriously talk to her calmly and say hey, I’ve noticed you don’t seem too interested in my extra curricular wedding stuff. Am I being too overwhelming with stuff? I’m ok if you would rather be a guest to the wedding instead of in the party. I don’t want you to feel obligated because we’re sisters.

View Quoted Comment THANK YOU! If this was how she is with every wedding i wouldn’t care or if she had a conversation with me about why she can’t do XYZ then it would be fine! Everything is optional, even the dresses are as laid back as possible (just asking for the same color, anything else is that person’s choice). I just don’t see why I wasn’t invited to her wedding things and why she is so against going to mine. Everyone says “all she has to do is buy a dress and come” but that’s all a regular guest has to do. She isn’t a regular guest, she’s my sister and she chose to be apart of the wedding party. Even if she did just ONE THING like go to the salon (not even get something done, just COME) I would be happy

View Quoted Comment That’s the thing! She’s more out together than any other bridesmaid in the party. She’s the oldest and has a full time job and it isn’t about money or anything like that. Even the trip to Seattle- hey, once you know let my mom know so that she can plan around it! It just sounds like she’s making an excuse not to go to it. She also didn’t invite me to her bach party or engagement party when she was getting married, but she said that was because she knew I was having some finance issues, now I’m left wondering if it was because she just didn’t want me to be there. As for the dress thing- everyone is picking their own, but most wanted me to give some input. I scheduled a day where I knew my sister would be in town for and available (she has an event that night so I set it up for 10 am) and she still doesn’t want to go. I understand she can do her own hair and make up, but by not at least come to see me getting ready? She’s coming 20 minutes before the wedding starts to do pictures with everyone. I’m going to see my FMIL more that morning than my own sister

Unfortunately, no one is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. It's very possible she will get more excited as your date approaches!

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. I think that’s pretty crappy of her as your sister but sometimes even family we don’t have the closest of relationships. My FH and his younger brother don’t like each other because the younger brother decided to hate my FH over politics so much so that he might not even come to our wedding which is idiotic to me. It’s so dramatic to us and got to the point where FH says idc if he doesn’t like me I don’t need him. Hopefully you can talk with your sister whether it’s on the phone or face to face and explain how you want her to be there for you for your wedding events.

Sounds like she’s a wee bit jealous. Ask her if she’d rather take another role t support you on your day (Greeter, Hostess, Reader, etc...)