Kattie
Just Said Yes August 2019

Amount of family members for bride attending

Kattie, on February 18, 2019 at 1:27 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 19
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Question for those of you who are getting married:


Do any of you (brides or grooms) not have much of your own family coming to your wedding but your significant other has their entire family coming the wedding?

How did you handle that?

(My family lives back east or have passed away... Dad, two grandmas, 2 grandpas, 2 aunts, 3 uncles and there’s more but those are the ones I’m really struggling with.)


The closer it gets the more my heart breaks realizing that I’ll be lucky to have maybe 20 of my own family members in attendance. How did you deal??? How do I not let this get me down?

19 Comments

  • K
    Dedicated May 2019
    Kristin ·
    • Flag
    We can only have 50 guests so I had to cut our aunts, uncles, cousins, and a few others a little more distantly related but I’m still close to. I have my parents, siblings, and grandparents. My fiancé’s dad and grandparents have all passed away but he is having aunts and uncles. He also has many more friends coming than me. I only have one friend who can come, and she’s the maid of honor. But honestly there only would have been one more friend anyway. It’s been a little bittersweet for me but I’m also trying to be grateful that I can have my parents and grandparents.
    • Reply
  • AJ
    VIP September 2018
    AJ ·
    • Flag
    Most of my family and friends live out eat as well, while I'm in the midwest. All of my husband's family lives in state. I had to think of it like this:
    - I know my loved ones would have come if they had the means.
    - it made the presence of those who could attend feel extra special
    - my husband's family is now my family too

    It is a little bit of a bummer, you'll wish everyone was there for you, but in the end you'll still fully enjoy the day!
    • Reply
  • Shelby
    Savvy September 2020
    Shelby ·
    • Flag

    I will be in the same sort of situation - we're getting married in my fiance's home state, which is three states away from my home state/family. I have a pretty small family whereas he has a huge family, but fortunately most of my family should be able to travel to be there. Still, the total number of people attending on my behalf will probably be less than 20 and we're expecting over 100 people.

    I've thought about this a few times, thought about how it will look and let it get me down, but in the end I know I will have everyone there that I really want there and that's what matters the most to me. I don't know your situation, but my fiance's family is super welcoming so I think it will feel like they are my family too - could you look at is as a celebration gaining a whole bunch of new family members?

    I have also had some very important people in my family pass that I am bummed won't be able to witness such a big day for me, but I know I'll be thinking of them lots that day and know they are happy for me. I hope you can find some peace with this! In the end, I think you'll find comfort in the support and love of everyone who is attending, regardless of whose family they are from.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I had 11 family members and my husband had over 50. It didn’t bother me because his family is larger and sees each other a lot more than my family does.
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Master June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Kind of opposite, there will be 27 of my relatives and only 8-9 of FH’s (not sure if his brother is coming). I am sure he wishes he had more close relatives but he has said that it doesn’t bother him as much because he has come to see a lot of my relatives as his own. He is closer to some of my cousins than some of his lol. You just have to think of it as everyone is there for both of you, and after the wedding you are all one big family!
    • Reply
  • Fiona
    Expert October 2018
    Fiona ·
    • Flag
    My whole extended family lives in England. I had 7 travel over and then my parents and brothers live here. So I had 13 family members. My husband also has a small family so most of our wedding was friends and family friends. I think the best way to not let it get you down is realize you are blending families so on that day “his” family is also becoming your family. Don’t make it so dividied as his and yours but consider all family as both yours and his. And also be so excited that so many of his family members want to spend the time and money to come support your marriage to him. That’s special.
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Rockstar August 2019
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    We are inviting the same amount each, but most of his family probably won't come since its a 13 hour drive or 3 hr flight. He doesn't care though because all he wants is to marry me. He said it doesn't matter who shows up.

    • Reply
  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
    • Flag

    I had no family at my wedding. I am estranged from all of them and my mom is dead.

    In all honesty, it didn't bother me. I was marrying into a family that treated me like one of their own. I had my best friends there. I sat them in my "family" row. At the end of the day, I had my family with me and that was all I needed.

    Life isn't always pretty. You make the best of the situation that you can. Take in all the love that is in the room and just go with it.

    • Reply
  • carie and james
    Savvy July 2019
    carie and james ·
    • Flag

    Im gonna have all my family but my fh is having a few of his family the only thing that is very hard of planning is my dad cause he just past away and he was so excited to be walking me down

    • Reply
  • Sherry
    VIP September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    We are having a smaller scaled ceremony/reception. Under 100 people will be invited. My FH has very few family members that haven't passed and the majority of those are elderly, out of state and not in the best of health. Granted, if they are able and willing, we are going to do everything we can to get them here (paying for airfare etc) but we do know that they will most likely not be able to make it.

    I on the other hand have a ginormous family, most being local. We have evened things out as far as guests for each "side" by me only inviting those family members closest to me and he is inviting all of his family as well as childhood, college friends and his entire office (who are also close friends). I did not want my guests to over power his so I was more than willing to give up some of my family spots to make room for him to have additional guests that weren't necessarily family but were important for him to have there.

    I think its more important to try and not focus on the amount of his and hers family or guests in attendance but to realize that everyone in attendance is there to support the both of you and to become 1 big family. Maybe invite some of the grooms family (mom, sisters, aunts etc) to a few lunches or something. Get to know them more as your family too vs his family. Maybe that will help you to not feel so alienated on your big day.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I'm in a similar situation. My family is spread out all over the country, FH's is mostly local. While I'm inviting a lot of my family I know there's a good chance many of them won't be able to make it and I fear our wedding is going to just feel like any other family party FH's family has. To make things worse FMIL keeps adding more and more people that she feels need to be invited.

    Considering we just had another conversation about inviting more of their family yesterday, right now I'm not dealing that well with it to be honest. Hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised and a lot of my family will come (though even then they'll still probably be outnumbered), but if not I'm hoping on the day I can not worry about it and just enjoy who is there.

    • Reply
  • Peggy
    Master November 2019
    Peggy ·
    • Flag
    My fiancé barely has any family and they might not all come. I have tons of family. He is just focusing on being happy with those that can be there.
    • Reply
  • Maria
    Super October 2019
    Maria ·
    • Flag

    I will have more family members than my FH at the wedding just because my family is much larger. I think he only thing is he wishes his family was as close as mine is but he is glad to be joining my family so he can be a part of that.

    I'm so sorry that you don't get to have all those loved ones there in person! I would definitely consider a memory table for those that have passed. Maybe instead of thinking of it as having less family members there for you, think of all the NEW family you are gaining. Hopefully all the people in attendance love both of you and consider you part of the family. Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    My side has a lot more guests, that's just because my family is bigger. I think it is totally fine. My family is his family now, and he knows that. It doesn't feel like a competition and you'll do your best to spend equal time with all guests as a couple.

    • Reply
  • Kiersten
    Beginner July 2019
    Kiersten ·
    • Flag

    All of my family is out of state, whereas 95% of FH's lives in the same suburban area that we currently do. I also just recently was talking to my dad about wedding stuff and he said: "I really don't know who will end up showing up, but I know that I will be there." It's kind of sad for me, but I also know that that's just the way things are, so I really haven't thought much about it bothering me that he may have more family there than I may. My advice would be to just remember that just because they can't come doesn't mean they don't love you!

    • Reply
  • Kristal
    Dedicated July 2019
    Kristal ·
    • Flag
    I just try not to think about it, my dad, uncle, grandma, and grandpa have all passed. But they wouldn’t want me to be sad just cause my list is maybe 50 while his is over 100. I’m sad enough my dad won’t walk me down the aisle but my brother has kindly accepted the honor. No one can be mad if your sad those that have passed can’t attend. You could do an in memory table at the reception.
    im also the type of person that likes to deny things so I won’t have the full effect til closer to my wedding (July 13) I’m guessing.
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Devoted June 2019
    Erin ·
    • Flag

    A huge part of my family is coming and one you read that right, ONE family member of my FH's family is coming and she isn't even directly related to him. She is his older brother's stepdaughter!

    He has had an unsupportive family all his life so he is used to it and is fine. Forget all those who can't make it for various reasons and cherish the ones who are there to show their love for you and FH.

    • Reply
  • Faith
    Dedicated April 2019
    Faith ·
    • Flag
    I think out of family I have about ten coming, and my FH has about 30, I never saw it as a bad thing, just the way it is I guess🤷‍♀️
    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted September 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    FH has 9 family members who will be attending. I have 13 family members. Our extended families live overseas. Most of the wedding will comprise of former coworkers and family friends from my side. His family has been in the US 15+ years and never made any friends. It’s quite pathetic and sad.
    • Reply

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