Am i Wrong

View Quoted Comment He is likely outraged you put a demand to perform on the line, and storming out is the only option when you are angry, for many people, tge alternative letting things get out of control and abusive. I would be similarly outraged if essenyoally told, you agreed you want a baby, so put out now whether you feel like it or not. Your demand, and way of handling things, is out of line. Much abuse that occurs in this world can be avoided by exiting the situation until both are calm and rational. You attacked his sexuality, want him to do something he does not want now. The parallel to this is when a guy gets upset, wanting sex when his partner doesn"t. And says, when you married me you agreed, you always said yes before, and you have no right to say no. Most of us would condemn that. Because whatever the long term ideal plan, Day by day, when it occurs, each of you has the right to say, I do not want it now. Without any hassle or recriminations. No blowback at all. Your insistance, not letting things go when it was clear he did not want sex, forced the issue. Walking out was the best choice he could make. You knew for hours he did not want to. If he felt like having sex, and you invited him, he would stand up and turn off any machine. The fact that he delayed, then came to bed showing no interest, means you should have left him alone, not pushed and made him feel coerced into having sex. Now think of his anger. You may have blown any chance for tonight, tomorrow, or the rest of the week. How did that improve the situation, pushing things when he sent clear signals? Not tonight. See someone who can help you understand sexual politics. Every TTC situation where meds are prescribed, they have a referral list for counseling. Ask staff in your Doctor's office. There is no point to you doing meds and bodily invasive stuff, and skipping counseling on the emotional issues you both need to work through.

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He is the one that forced the issue of having a baby before I wanted to. If it were up to me, we wouldn't have been trying to have a baby until July. He said he wasn't okay with that so in order to make him happy I agreed. I didn't realize until he came to bed at midnight that he didn't want to have sex because he never said he if he did or didn't want to. We hadn't even discussed it all day. At 10:30 when I went to bed, I just said goodnight. He normally comes into bed around 11 so at 11:30 I simply went to our spare bedroom and asked if he was coming to bed. Not once during that time did I mention wanting to have sex. I really just wanted him to come to bed. I have a difficult time falling asleep if he isn't in bed with me. At midnight when he came to bed, I asked if we could have sex and he just told me to go back to sleep so I did. I didn't argue or try to force anything upon him. At 1 am I woke up needing to use the bathroom. When I got back in bed, he asked if I was okay and apparently the way my voice sounded made him alarmed. All I said at that point was I was kind of disappointed because I thought we would have sex since we were trying to conceive. Rather than discuss anything he got out of bed and went to our spare room. In my opinion, we should have communicated how we were feeling rather than him storming off like a child. I feel like he has done nothing to help with the process. It has been up to me to change my diet, exercising, medications, go to the doctor's, have testing, etc. I thought the least he could do was make a doctor's appointment with a primary care. He doesn't currently have one and our plan requires referrals and if we need to see fertility specialist which it is looking like we will then he will need a referral. I also thought he might research my condition on his own so he would maybe understand what I am going though, but he hasn't. I feel like he expects me to do all of these things, but in return he does nothing. I don't think trying to have a baby should be one sided.

View Quoted Comment Why I think you need to talk to someone individually, then with each other or both with a counselor. When a couple moves from doing what they feel like, for now, to a long range plan, it is really easy for one or the other to say yes with little idea of the consequences, to please the other, and , why not? You sound i every post as though you resent having put yourself through what is an embarassing and body altering process, and somehow feel he owes you. Which is natural. And potentially quite destructive. You need to understand what constitutes trying, reasonably. And what is beyond that. Coersion is hard to see as it happens sometimes. But an emotionally involved couple send signals to each other by what they do, and don't do. His absence of eagerly turning off the computer, says he is not particularly wanting sex any more than a silly game, not much. Coming to bed, no overtures to you: says leave me alone I want to sleep.
Sex is a sensitive matter for most men, and suggesting they are not doing enough can make them feel inadequate, or angry. And clearly you two do not read each other clearly. It is not what is right or what is wrong. For men, sexual performance is hard or impossible if they are not thinking, Yes. And pointing out he made an agreement, so he feels you think he should do something about it, when there is nothing he can do, is upsetting. A woman who is not particularly interested can go through the motions if she chooses. A man can't. You may need some information on the nature of male sexuality. And dealing with your resentment of having agreed when you really were not ready. He is only just finding what scheduled sex is. Because in his head, ordinarily, is an image of himself always ready to jump into bed, Manly Man the sexual wonder. But reality kicks in when there is an expectation you will have sex, and you discover, you just don't want to. And he probably never thought there was a time you, not he, would determine when to initiate sex. And clearly you never talked with anyone about how to gracefully bow out without getting upset. Doing something that might start things off the next night, which might get you pregnant, may involve learing how to tease a little interest out of each other. Forget tonight, move on. What gets him going? These things are more easily discussed with someone who can bring up all the issues. This kind of informational and interactive counselling is possible by phone, to a degree, and better a pro than online. Because I cannot ask nor you answer intimate things on ths forum, where we are readily identifiable. And you need someone helpful now. Someone who can give you a few materials to think about, and guide conversation with your husband to get at his issues with the realities of sex on demand vs sex when it feels right. If you feel over your head now, realize your pushing him away, as you often will during pregnancy and a year of infancy, is going to deal with the same things. I ought to do it to please him/ her. But I just don't want to be touched, and don't feel sexy. And, Don't you love me enough/ anymore, enough to change your mind? And why is it you don't want to talk about it now, when it is happening now? Not understanding that the same wish to be left alone that is killing the desire for sex right now, has killed any wish for conversation. I want to be left alone! Means sex and conversation oftentimes . Your feelings are natural in the situation. But you need a more functional way of responding. Call your Doctors office, or a women's health center. TTC is important, and a lot harder than it seems. Take care of this important part of your marriage.

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I definitely agree that I kind of resent him, but I also don't really know what to do when my doctor is telling me that we need to be on a schedule then proceeding to ask me each month if we are following that schedule. We are supposed to be trying to conceive for the next 4 months where I take ovulation pills for 5 days once a month then have sex every other day for a week. If that doesn't work we will have to go to a fertility specialist. My concern I guess is that if the fertility specialist wants us to do certain things is if my husband is going to be willing to do those things. If the answer is no, then I guess I don't see the point in going through all of this. I guess I feel like all the effort at this point has been one sided. I don't like being on a schedule anymore than he does, but if we want a baby and that's what the doctor is suggesting I'm not sure what other options we have. I know we aren't the first couple to struggle with this. One of his best friends went through something very similar. They had an even more strict schedule and they never got pregnant. I also haven't mentioned it to him, but I think I might have had a miscarriage last month. He had gotten so drunk and blacked out. He was puking all over the place and just so out of it. I was so scared because I had never seen him like that. I started having intense cramps, dizziness, and felt like I could vomit. The next day I started heavy bleeding.

If it were me, I would just march my naked body in front of his face, blocking the television, and start kissing him and rubbing him until he pauses the game. Lol. My husband enjoys watching sports, but he will damn well give that up to get laid. Lol! 😂


Maybe give that a try next time?

View Quoted Comment I was naked when I tried to get him to come to bed at 11:30 lol

View Quoted Comment Omg...noooo! 🤣

What do you have to do to get some attention, turn the thing off yourself and do him right there on the couch? Lol!

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately, he'd just get moody.

When sex becomes a chore or forced, it no longer is enjoyable.

View Quoted Comment Well now he's trying to say that because I didn't clean the bathroom floors like he asked that's why he didn't have sex with me.

Given how you feel about him forcing this issue of trying to have a baby and how he feels (you didn’t clean the bathroom so no sex...?!?!), I think you need to put having a baby with this man on the way back burner. It doesn’t sound like you even want to have a baby right now. I would suggest couples counseling to make sure you are communicating effectively and coming to a compromise on what you each want within the marriage.

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I think he is reaching for a reason to say he didn't want to have sex which is why he came up with the fact that I didn't clean the bathroom. We have talked and I have expressed that for the past eleven months I've been going through a lot to try to have a baby because he wanted to. He isn't willing to put having a baby on the back burner. He wants to continue trying whereas I'm over it at this point.

No, I think you need to stop TTC at all right now.

1. Why are you TTC when you keep saying you're not ready?

2. Why is he not going to the doctor as well?

3. ...What is going on with this endless blaming from both of you - the bathroom floor, not enough sex, must get pregnant now?

4. OOOH, woah, is that bathroom floor comment a red flag.

5. Why is he ignoring the doctor's advice? (Having sex more often will *not* help.)

Neither of you are communicating at all well, you are playing blame games, and don't seem to have any of the same immediate goals. Honestly, you should not be doing anything to your body that you don't want to do - including going on or off birth control.

It's very clear you two need to get into counseling, stat.