Am i wrong for not wanting to travel weeks before wedding?

Outside of financial/medical reasons or unable to schedule time off from work, it does across as selfish and odd to feel like they are stealing thunder. They can choose any date they want.

I don't think you need to be upset about being asked (even if you don't like the way they asked), but it's always OK to decline to be in/attend a wedding. Are you close with the couple (I can't tell from your post)? If you are close, I would share some of your (completely reasonable) reasons for not being available. If you aren't close, just decline with thanks and wish them well.

Since you aren't close, just decline with thanks. You don't need to give a reason, but if you want to, go ahead and tell them it won't be feasible because the timing, the distance, and your child's health issues.

If they announced the date they chose, it doesn't sound like a lack of communication unless there is more to the story that is not mentioned. No one should ever expect anyone to attend because it's not a summons. If you don't feel up to attending, that is fine. But it doesn't sound like they did anything wrong. Different from what someone else might do but there is no faux pas.

Ah ok..that makes more sense. How do they expect people to prepare then? In that case, you are completely justified in declining and you don't need ever to explain why. You can send an inexpensive gift if you choose, but not required.

It sounds to me like your late husband’s family very much still consider you part of the family and thought you would want to be involved in the wedding. I don’t really see what the issue is with not communicating their plans because all they really need to do is send out invitations to people, they’re not under an obligation to notify everyone in advance and check that their plans suit everyone. Granted, they should have 100% confirmed with you whether you wanted to be in their wedding, or their girls, rather than just assuming this.

The wedding being 3 weeks before yours isn’t in itself a nice reason to decline however it is understandable that it is quite some distance to travel for you and you have young children. They may be hurt by your declined RSVP but the best way to go about it is to explain that your children are too young and you are not currently equipped for such a young trip while you navigate your toddler’s newfound health issues.

It sounds like it would be very difficult for you to travel to this wedding that's so far away and just a few weeks before yours. I find it very odd that the bride and groom did not check with the wedding party regarding their availability for the wedding date. I agree with you - I would be very....flustered? bothered? put off? confused? by the lack of communication. I think they will totally understand if you simply explain to them what you wrote in your post...that you just can't swing it this time, but wish them all the best, etc. You got this!

I think your circumstances give you a pretty valid excuse to why you aren't able to attend. If you aren't going to go, I may would be a little sensitive telling them, because it sounds like they still consider you an important piece of the family. I would be very apologetic and try to focus the conversation on your daughter and her needs, along with your upcoming wedding and things being down to the wire planning last minute things for that!

I definitely wouldn't throw anything in about it being late notice. I think a lot of people are just kind of winging it with their weddings, so I would try to show some grace with that. But you absolutely don't have to feel obligated to go. I feel like they would understand why you couldnt be there if you explained the reservations to them!

If this is your children's family, then you really need to make every effort to get them there. It is URGENT that they maintain a close and loving relationship with his family, especially since you are remarrying. Unless your child's doctor has forbid you from traveling, I urge you to go. You do not say how how your other children are, but if they are at any age where they can understand and possibly remember this, you will be sending a really bad message of cutting their father's family out of their lives. The inconvenience is more than offset by the message to them that their father's family (and their father) is still very important to you.

If on the other hand this is not the children's family, then feel free to politely decline and send a lovely gift.