Am I wrong for being upset?

I’m sorry for your loss 😐
You didn’t give much explanation in your post as to why your oldest sister doesn’t want to participate. But I would consider that maybe she is mourning the loss of your mom & doesn’t feel like participating in any celebratory events. 6 months is not a long time & everybody heals differently. If it was me, I would focus on getting closer to my sisters in such sad times, and not growing apart, at least not over small things like bachelorette party or bridal shower participation.

I’m sorry for your loss. I do think that you are wrong for being upset. It’s okay to be disappointed, but it’s not your sister’s responsibility to throw you parties. She’s dealing with a loss as well and probably still mourning. I think you need to cut her some slack. Kicking her out of the bridal party won’t do anything but damage your relationship.

I’m very sorry that you lost your mother. I lost mine 3 years ago and it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through. Weddings can bring up strong emotions and memories. Your sister may just feel overwhelmed by feelings of sadness. 6 months is not a long time. Perhaps you could ask her why. Tell her that you need her present and that her support means so much.
I know it can be tempting to make big decisions when we are upset, but if you kick her out of your wedding-it will affect your relationship for a very long time. You both need to lean on each other. Sending hugs.

I lost my mom 3 years ago. I am sorry for your loss. I think it sounds like your sister is depressed. She has suffered a loss as well. Kicking her out of the party will only tell her that you value parties more then her feelings.

She was like this before my mom passed too. It didn't just start happening. She's never wanted to do anything with me or anyone really in the family. And I know ppl morn differently that's why I'm trying to get closer to her but she doesn't want any part of any of it. And my bachelorette party wasn't going to be about partying or anything I just wanted to do something with my two sisters but she wants nothing to do with us.

View Quoted Comment I’m not meaning this to sound harsh, but if she’s always been this way why did you think she would change just because you’re getting married?

Have you tried something not related to the wedding to do with her?

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I've tried alot. She doesn't want to do anything.

View Quoted Comment She my sister. I planned her whole wedding and night with her husband. She got married the day I graduated from high school. Just figured she'd want to be involved in everything and help. Guess I was wrong.

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I have to agree with this. Of course you want your big sister there with you, but she is grieving the loss of your mother (as you are), and everyone grieves differently. It might just be too hard for her right now. I wouldn't kick her out & possibly ruin y'all's relationship over this. You heal your way, and let her heal her way. So sorry for your loss, btw, I can't imagine how hard it is to lose a mom so close to a wedding.

I’m so sorry for your loss. As for your sister, I can understand why she may not want to be involved in wedding planning as she is still probably upset about the loss of your mother. You say she has been like this before wedding planning began so I can’t imagine why she would change her attitude. What does your other sister think of the situation? Do you have other bridesmaids to go out with? I would also recommend just trying to have a conversation with your sister about your feelings and that you were hoping to just spend quality time with her.

View Quoted Comment I tried all that she just blows me off. I tried doing un wedding things with her. The only time she ever wants to do anything is if she needs to go to the store and needs a ride there.

Alright I'll go against the grain here.... I totally think you should talk to her. Tell her to either step-up and be a part of your wedding or step-out and not be a bridesmaid. You're mourning the loss of your mother as well (sorry for your loss) just as she is, but it seems she's just a selfish person (she got married on your graduation day!?!?!?). I know it's not easy but sometimes we just have to accept that not everyone that we want relationships with, really want them with us.

I hope you can figure this out and get on common ground with her. But my opinion is it's your wedding and you shouldn't be stressing over someone that you want to be in it that doesn't show you that they want to be. (that makes sense in my head, so I hope it comes across right here).

First, sorry for your loss...

Second, you mention that you don't want her to be there with all the drama. Is the drama simply because she wants nothing to do with your showers and wedding-related things? If so, you really can't be all that upset. Literally no one cares as much about your wedding day as you do, siblings included. Can you be disappointed? Sure, but that won't force her to be more excited to participate.

View Quoted Comment Her drama is her bf. She doesn't want to go at all but doing it cause my mom would've wanted her to. It's not about the bachelorette party and Jack and Jill shower it's about you know our mom's passed away and it's about us being together and that's what I want to do you know a good relationship to my sisters because her mom's gone and I just really want her involved and she doesn't want anything to do with anything.

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This is tough - but I truly believe everyone grieves differently. Right now, it seems like you're really looking for her support at this time too. Have you had that conversation with her? I think if she knew this meant a lot to you for her to be involved, especially now, it might change her perspective in doing it for the good of you two, rather than that's what mom wanted.

This breaks my heart I am so sorry. I kicked a bridesmaid out of my wedding after my sister passed away. She wouldn't partake in anything and in a time when I needed her (my sister passed away VERY unexpectedly at the end of January this year) she would just ignore me... BUT I am one of 6 and losing my sister allowed me and my 4 other siblings to get even closer and I added one of my sisters into my wedding in place of the crappy bridesmaid.. I don't think you're wrong for being upset but I don't think you can be genuinely and at her or should kick her out of the wedding. Honestly I would forget all the wedding stuff for a minute and just talk to her sister to sister.. My sisters have been the biggest support system since losing my sister 4 months ago.

Now it's not that I don't want her in my wedding. I do, she just like acts like nobody else is grieving this is hard for me to I mean it's hard to plan everything without my mother I'm getting married is my first wedding ever and I'm not going to have my mom. So having two sisters you know I figured that we would grow closer together since our mom passed and I just don't have her support and anything even if it doesn't have to do with the wedding and I just want my big sister I mean I have my little sister and everything but it would be nice to have both my sisters.

Your sister's personality sounds very similar to my sister's personality.. almost like "the attention isn't on me so I am going to cause drama type.." I am sure she is still mourning the loss of your mother, but if she has been like this since before your mother's passing then there isn't much YOU can do right now to change it. I wouldn't kick her out though, that will only cause more drama, but I would find other people who can help you navigate planning. Still invite her, but focus on your happiness. It took me writing a very blunt email to my sister when we lost our mother for her to realize I too was struggling and she wasn't helping. Maybe email her, be honest but polite and talk about your feelings without placing blame.. state how you NEED her more than ever now.. just a thought..

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom and I didn't lift a finger I didn't have to for 18 months...for whatever its worth she may be grieving and just not in the mood to be happy. I didn't talk to anyone that was not my sibling or a person that had also lost their mother during that time. Honestly I'm still not the same person I was before she left and that was 8 years ago. So you have to consider that everyone grieves differently and for differently lengths of time. I am so sorry though..I hope she comes around