Am i The A?

I agree that you're not being selfish at all--you're being responsible.

Finances aside, he might just be thinking that by that point, everything will be booked, and that means that there's nothing left to do.

I'd remind him that during that window of time, that's when you're dealing with finalizing everything, payment deadlines, and focusing on important details. Explain that it will most likely be a stressful time, and you need his emotional support and help. Even if he doesn't have his hands in actual wedding planning, he can assist with childcare; just him being there and available will help.

Maybe try discussing it with him from the partnership angle?

You are not being selfish, and how dare he try to turn that around on you! Even if you just need him for emotional support, he should be with you. And to already be considering pushing your HM? That’s very selfish of him. I’d also like to point out that this is a red flag, to say he’ll just go every year without you is vindictive, immature, and emotionally manipulative. I think you need to have a long talk with him, and see if he comes around. If not, maybe you should rethink if he’s the one.... my FH would never say something like that to me. That is so disrespectful.

I don't think youre being selfish at all! I think he's being naive about what it will take to prepare the month before the wedding. Can you discuss it again in a few days when you've both cooled down?

I would be super, super concerned about marrying a man who throws a childish tantrum and tries to threaten you with saying he'll go on an extremely expensive and long solo trip every year over this. He's being, at best, incredibly immature, and at worst he's gaslighting you, claiming you're so unbelievably selfish and that the month before your wedding isn't a busy time when your concerns are absolutely reasonable and logical. Not to mention you're already delaying your honeymoon for financial reasons AND you guys have a child together?? Lavish, 2 week long boy's trips to an outrageously expensive country should come second to your fiance and child, always. It sounds like he's not ready to give up a party lifestyle and focus on his family.

You're not being selfish! His behavior is shocking and not okay. Where's he getting the money to go on this trip? If you've already agreed to a postponed honeymoon, that would be a slap in the face to me. He should stay put with you and your daughter!

I agree with PP's - what is most concerning here is the lack of a team approach to making this decision and then him throwing a selfish tantrum when he doesn't get his way. I could MAYBE be ok with the trip IF there was a plan for the details of the wedding to get taken care of, if there was enough money to take the trip, and most importantly if it was approached as something he was thinking about and wondered what my thoughts were/how we could make it work because it was important to him VS. approaching me telling me he would be going on the trip and if I didn't give my consent he would do it anyway and be a brat.

And seriously, if you both cannot afford a honeymoon, how the heck is he paying for a 2 week vacation to Japan? Yeah, not happening.

Oh wow. No you are not selfish at all. Its not just your wedding, its his wedding too. If he is okay with leaving all the decisions up to you, then his role is to be there for you for moral support. From what I've heard the last 6 weeks are the craziest. Its crazy expensive and not fair of him to ask that of you while also postponing your honeymoon due to costs. I feel like there might be something deeper going on - is he feeling suffocated or like he'll feel "tied down" after you guys get married? It might be worth exploring if he's making such a huge stink about this.

This isn't even about you being selfish or not. This is him not coming to his senses. He is about to get married. MARRIED. and the fact that he is taking a big international trip a month before the wedding is kind of insane. I understand most brides are the ones planning and taking care of the little details but it's not just your wedding - it's both of yours. He needs to focus and prioritize stuff.

Oh good lord in heaven if my FH ever did that to me he would be 6 ft under. That is EXTREMELY selfish of him. I'm glad you guys decided to talk it out at a later date but I would be very cautious as it seems like he may want to go on this trip without you knowing. I'd ask him why all of a sudden it's so important to him?