Am i rude?

You're absolutely not in the wrong... these people sound so rude! You're not "forcing" anyone to do anything! If I were you, my response would be "I understand if you don't want to do the drive, feel free to decline the invitation!" Screw them honestly lol, how dare they guilt you like that, especially when you're telling them they shouldn't get you a gift either...

I don’t think you’re being rude at all. I’m more appalled by their response. It’s your wedding and you can choose for it to be wherever you want it. If they can’t make it, then they can’t make it. No one forced them to go to your wedding, so if it’s not going to work for them, it is what it is. The people who feel like you’re important to them will make the decision to attend and support you.

This sounds like a tough situation. I understand people don't want to travel, but when you say back home I'm guessing that means where like your family lives. I've been really stressed about a lot of our wedding planning and I will tell you the same thing my fiance keeps telling me which is that on our wedding day that the people that truly matter will find a way to be there. They might not like the distance, but if they truly care about you then they will shut up and be there otherwise they really don't care and you don't need those type of people in your life anyways. That may sound harsh, but unfortunately it is true. I know for our wedding my fmil complained a few weeks ago because we choose to have our wedding in between where both families live. I'm from PA and my fiance is from NJ so we picked somewhere in the middle. She complained because we are forcing both families to travel instead of picking a place that only one family had to travel to. I was pissed when she said this because we live in MD and our venue is 4+ hours from us, but it is only 1.5 hours from her and she is complaining. Frankly, if we were going to have it in the same town as one of our families it would have been near mine because where my family lives is so much cheaper than NJ.

View Quoted Comment Yea we grew up in Co and picked it so our families could “easily attend” in getting a lot of friction because some guest assumed that “back home” meant their back yard, and we blatantly disregarded their feelings by picking a location they still have to travel to.

You’re absolutely not being rude! It’s ridiculous for your guests to act like you need to cater to all of their needs. Just respond “I understand if you can’t make it” and leave it at that.

I would argue any guests giving you backlash are the ones being rude, especially if you sent STDs with the location on them, giving them plenty of time to figure out travel/hotel plans.

Most of my family will have to drive ~2 hours to my wedding. We're split between MA and NJ/NYC and I live in CT so it worked out as a nice halfway point, but when I was in MA we happily drove the 3-4 hours to various family weddings.

One of my friends is driving her family in from IL to be there for my wedding. The people that matter will find a way to be there. Don't let the complainers stress you out.

Yes they are being rude. You're doing what you can to accommodate everyone at your destination wedding.

You're not being rude at all! Our wedding is about 3 hours from the majority of my family members as well. Next time someone gives you grief about them having to travel for the wedding, just say something along the lines of "We understand if you can't make it. You'll be missed!".

I wouldn't recommend this, but I got so sick of everyone and their mother complaining about the distance that I completely snapped at a family dinner. Just a quick back story, I live an hour and a half outside on NYC. Venues here are astronomical. We wanted a barn wedding, and because very well off people from the city are now having barn country weddings, these venues charge an insane amount because there are people who will, and do pay that. For a local barn wedding venue that only included a basic buffet menu and did NOT include tables, chairs, linens, restrooms, lighting, clean up, or alcohol they wanted $40,000. Yes, 40-fricken-thousand. Anyway, the place we booked includes tables, chairs, linens, décor, full open bar, cheese/crackers/veggies/fruit cocktail hour, restrooms, bridal suite, bonfire, lawn games, wedding cake, full buffet, set-up/clean-up, and a wedding coordinator we paid about $15,500. So at this dinner when people wouldn't shut up about the inconvenience of the distance I described the price quote of the 40k barn and proceeded to say "Since it is such an inconvenience to you all, I'll tell you what. If you give me the remaining $25,000, plus what the tables, chairs, booze, etc. will cost, then I will gladly change the location of the wedding to accommodate other people." It was rude of me, but I was so annoyed and I couldn't help it. I'll tell you though, that was the last time anyone complained about it again!

Your guests are the rude ones! I think it is completely amazing of you to decide to get married in your home state for their convenience. You did not have to do that! This is why you send out save the dates, so they know what to expect. It's your wedding, they can travel a few hours. I actually think traveling for it is half the fun. I would tell people they have an option to check "regretfully declines" on the RSVP, no one is "forcing" you to do jack!

Rough. We live in Brooklyn and my family is spread out, meanwhile his is in the Rochester NY area. Our wedding was on a Sunday and an adult only event. we had 98 guests come from across the globe, the seas, and the country. People flew 18 hours or drove 6-10 hours. Yes it was a destination wedding but the location wasn't an island or beach.
In short, there is no way to appease everybody. People that want to come will make it happen. You're not being a brat, it's not unusual for people to travel for weddings.

The point you can tell them to "piss off" is now. You already planned to have the wedding 3 states away from your home for their convenience. If they don't want to make the drive, they don't have to come.

You gave them plenty of notice, asked them to spend their money on themselves, and quite frankly, no one is "obligated" to come. If they can't afford it, they don't have to. I'm so sorry you're getting this backlash

I think that no matter what, some people just find things to complain about. I really would not let it get to you. You can make it as simple as telling them they do not have to attend. I hate people who will go, but complain!! I have also realized that it is impossible to make everyone happy and either way, someone would be complaining about having to travel.



My grandmother knew from the beginning where we are getting married and at one point, she even invited someone who lives that town. I was like “cool, thanks.” She has a bad back and is not able to travel very far. She received the save the date and the invitation. Then recently she got annoyed at me for something else and flipped out on my dad on why the wedding is out of state.

View Quoted Comment I love this response! It may be rude, but I would have done the exact same thing! We are having a destination wedding, but I know I have a lot less drama than if it were local and more people could go because there would be way more complaints somehow! All these people complain about something, but they do not offer anything! I am not saying they have to, but it is like how do you get a say then?!


When I was with my ex-husband, we used to drive his (adult) sister home and she used to always complain about the music. I lost it the day when she told my brother who was 14 at the time that he did not have to wear his seatbelt in the backseat. I told her that unless she contributes to the car payment, insurance, or gas she has no right complaining about a free ride that we do not have to give her and telling my brother he does not have to wear his seatbelt (I do not care if you are 90, if you are in my car, you are wearing your seatbelt or can walk).