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Cayla
Dedicated August 2020

Am i petty?

Cayla, on January 23, 2019 at 8:45 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 25
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I want to delete this post but wedding wire won't let me. Anyone know how?

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25 Comments

Latest activity by Yoice, on January 23, 2019 at 9:36 PM
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    In short, yes you're being petty. I think your head is stuck in fantasy which is not helped by all the romcom movies out there. Real life doesn't happen like that. I created a thread last week asking for people to share their proposal stories - some (very few) were elaborate, most happened without a lot of fanfare. Honestly, your story sounds wonderful and perfect to me. When my DH proposed I was also freezing too and nearly ruined the moment. We were out looking at Christmas lights in a beautiful neighborhood but I couldn't stand the cold so I was practically running to the car. But he managed to do it and I love that it was all him, from his heart. It was genuine.

    Also, those "proposals" are a new thing. I'm 42. We never had them when I was growing up. Don't miss the important moments in your life or downplay them because you've created a version of how things should be when that is not based on real life. Savor the moment and what you do have. You have a great guy who wants to marry you!

  • Casey
    VIP December 2018
    Casey ·
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    Pinterest and social media have really upped our expectations of things, including these key moments. But I think it’s really odd to re-do a moment just because it wasn’t done the way you expected. The whole point of marriage is that you accept that life is no longer just about what you want or what you expected, but is about creating something new with another person. I would just try to move on and find the humor and love in your proposal.
  • M
    Expert September 2018
    M ·
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    Congrats. Start planning your wedding. This is a life lesson. Your life isn't a play or Skit where everyone does exactly what you want or are expecting. Get used to dealing with disappointment. Disappointment? Is that even appropriate to say? Your engaged now.
  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
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    I’m sorry it wasn’t how you wanted it. I won’t say you’re being petty, but you have to really ask yourself, did you picture it that way because you really wanted it? Or are you comparing it to other women’s experiences and society’s expectations? I honestly think it’s silly how “prom posals” are getting just as grand as asking someone to spend the rest of his/her life with him/him.
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I think you’re putting too much stock in something that isn’t real life for the majority of people out there. My ex-husband proposed in the car. FH proposed in our living room. It was still a huge deal because each of those proposals was the man I loved asking me to spend the rest of my life with him.

    Is your FH a big over the top romantic gesture kind of guy? If he isn’t, I’m curious as to why you thought the proposal should be different than how he usually is.
  • Native Dancer
    Dedicated July 2019
    Native Dancer ·
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    That’s up to you and FH on what is acceptable and if redoing it would make you happier. I always dreamed of a proposal similar to what you dreamed of, however my FH was incredibly nervous doing that in front of a bunch of random people out somewhere and didn’t want to mess it up, so after our anniversary dinner, he got down on one knee right in our living room. I totally didn’t care and was just elated that I finally found the right man, after many years of looking and being with the wrong ones. If both of you are comfortable redoing it or if it means that much to you, go for it! If it feels too strange and not as authentic like the original one, then don’t.
  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    He had a picnic for you. He mist have put in so much thought. He already knows you did not like it. If not he would not have asked if you wanted him to re do it. Be happy with the thought he put in. It seems so sweet and pretty.
  • Natalie
    Dedicated June 2019
    Natalie ·
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    You could always do a engagement shoot and recreate the moment so that you could share it with family and friends.
    My FH asked me on a mountain hike when I was in shorts and a tee, freezing to death, wearing no makeup, it wasn’t ideal or exactly what i wanted but it was still a sweet moment.
    Embrace it.
  • Native Dancer
    Dedicated July 2019
    Native Dancer ·
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    Although, I don’t think redoing a proposal due to someone not liking it is not very authentic and takes away from the realness of the original.
  • Lauren
    Devoted October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    Sounds adorable and romantic to me.

    Sorry you were cold when your boyfriend asked you to be his wife.
  • Native Dancer
    Dedicated July 2019
    Native Dancer ·
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    This is a great idea!
  • sydney
    Devoted September 2019
    sydney ·
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    Poor guy was probably just nervous! My FH was so nervous he said no sweet things either ! Also it was about to hurricane on the beach we were on. He has told me he wished he thought it out more and did something super romantic and surprising. But said he was too nervous I would say no. It’s not the proposal in front of Cinderella’s castle in Disney World like I’ve always wanted, but it’s our proposal and I’ll never forget it or that day ❤️ Try to look past all the expectations that are made for proposals and wedding and focus on the love that you two will have for the rest of your life together .
  • Maggie
    Super February 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I wouldn't redo it. Its okay to be disappointed but you'll have to get over it. My proposal wasn't exactly what I wanted either but I wouldnt change it for anything. In a few years you'll be laughing how cold it was and itll be a cute story. I've had a few friends get engaged recently and literally no one I know has a "perfect" proposal - even with the bigger ones something went wrong. I agree with PP that movies and social media give us these unrealistic expectations. Try and let it go and be happy to be marrying someone you love and be excited that you are planning a wedding.
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    My two cents is put it in the past and plan for the wedding you want. People have such insanely high expectations when it comes to love because of Hollywood. The proposals arent all huge elaborate schemes, your bridesmaids wont be like in the movies, your true love wont suddenly appear at the altar while you marry the wrong guy for you.....you know?
  • sydney
    Devoted September 2019
    sydney ·
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    Yes I agree on the disappointment. I’ve always dreamed of a big fancy wedding and well, It took me months of getting over the expectations and disappointment I had about my dream wedding. Now that I’ve come to realize the wedding is literally one day and I love him I’d rather focus on the love and reason on why we are getting married in the first place.
  • SummerBrideInAutumn
    VIP October 2019
    SummerBrideInAutumn ·
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    I agree with PPs who said we/you have been ruined by Hollywood, romcoms, Pinterest, etc. We all lead real lives with real people. Nothing is going to be as grand or as wonderful or as perfect as you’ve envisioned it in your dreams.

    I can can actually relate, to a certain extent, because after my FH proposed, I remember thinking in my head, “Well that wasn’t exactly how I always thought that would go.” I think I only felt this way because FH slipped when he went to get on one knee, he was so nervous that he rushed through his words and didn’t say everything he had planned on saying, and he was shaking so badly that I had to put the ring on my finger. But you know what? Looking back on it, it was perfect! It was perfect because he planned it all. It was perfect because he’s the type of guy who stumbles and gets nervous so it was genuinely him. And it was perfect because the man whom I love asked me to spend the rest of my life with him.
  • Jessica
    Devoted November 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Getting engaged beings up many emotions and this won't be the last of them. For some people it's the proposal, others the ring, others the fiance's role in planning, the dress, the bridesmaids etc etc etc. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, reflect on them in a healthy way and then allow them to leave when you are done with them. Your fiance's support, even when you were dissapointed, the fact that he allowed you to express those feelings without judgement - that's what will really matter 30 years from now.
  • Megan
    Expert November 2022
    Megan ·
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    I completely understand what you are saying.

    Originally he asked when it was just us at his house at like 1am after we spent the day with his family. He was super embarrassed that he didn't do it in a cute way or in public but he just wanted to finally ask me. He wanted to take me somewhere special but couldn't wait lol! I was okay with him doing it just us but I get he didn't want that to be our proposal story.

    We ended up doing "announcement" Photos ( not as many photos as engagement, getting more pics done when we pick a date and such) at a local park in front of a waterfall a few weeks later, so we kinda "faked our proposal" pics but it was hard for me to fake the suprised look.

    Maybe you could do pictures somewhere else and "fake" your proposal.
  • O
    Savvy September 2020
    Onlylivinglife ·
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    I can understand this. I mean i definitely wouldn’t ask him to re-do it personally but honestly every relationship is different for example some people receive a gift for Christmas and take it back if they don’t like it and get something they like (with there spouse knowing and not caring) so it’s up to you and your relationship what is okay and what is not. You sound young , as am i , so i can understand that you had am certain idea before hand of what you wanted. I had an idea in my head as well but me and my FH discussed early on (in casual conversation) my dream proposal , no he didn’t have to follow that at all but him knowing my personality he was was able to figure out exactly what i wanted. Same with the ring thing. He picks it based off your personality. Anywho, all this to say i don’t think your wrong for feeling that way but i wouldn’t make him redo it lol
  • Erin
    Savvy July 2019
    Erin ·
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    You should just be happy the man you love wants to spend his life with you. Even if it wasn’t super extravagant or what you had pictured it to be; he still had you in mind, you should be happy enough with just that! My FH proposed to me in our living room, without a ring! He had already bought the ring but it wasn’t ready to be picked up yet from the store. (He ordered it online while he was in South Korea for work and it was supposed to be ready on his way home from the airport but things don’t always go as planned.) 🤷‍♀️
    Just bybhim asking says he won’t be able to find anyone better fit for you than him and he’s done looking because what he has is the greatest gift he could have been given. Just be happy he asked! 😁

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