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October 2020

Am i Overreacting???

Anonymous, on January 23, 2022 at 9:22 AM Posted in Community Conversations 1 9

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Hey y’all,

I’m having a serious dilemma and trying to figure out if I’m completely overreacting and need some advice on how to handle this from maybe an outside point of view!
My fiancé and I got engaged in October 2021 and shortly after chose our date for October 2022. The end of November we asked our bridesmaids and groomsmen to be apart of our day. This obviously included asking my best friend to be my MOH, to which she said yes and was extremely excited. Fast forward to the end of December and she got engaged. They chose their date, and did not reveal it to anyone prior to asking their party to stand up with them. Well, turns out their date is going to be in September THREE WEEKS before ours. She also asked me to be her MOH, which I’m thrilled about but I am extremely overwhelmed and honestly, my feelings are hurt. I feel it’s going to be extremely difficult to make sure we both have special, separate days/experiences with our dates being this close. Not only does this affect everything prior (bridal showers, bachelorette parties, etc) but this is definitely going to be financially difficult for both of us (our fiancés are also standing up for each other) I explained this to her but she doesn’t seem to understand why I am upset about her decision to book her date that close to ours after making a commitment as my MOH and with how this is going, it is taking the joy and excitement out of planning. Also, a lot of our decisions are very similar which I know is inevitable, but I actually had to ask her to not have the same food and decor as us ugh. I’m trying my best to be supportive and help her with her day, but I can’t help but feel slightly resentful. Has anyone dealt with anything like this? Am I being crazy? How should I handle this? Help!!

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on January 24, 2022 at 8:35 AM

VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on January 23, 2022 at 9:47 AM
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Bridal parties and bachelorettes are optional. The only thing you would need to spend money on is your bridesmaid dress, and traveling there (if it's not local). I agree they are pretty close together, but it's not the end of the world. By September, you should be mostly done with your own planning. This almost happened to me -- my BFF and I had our original wedding dates 4 weeks apart in different states, before we postponed for COVID. You're alloewed to be a bit annoyed but you can make it work 🙂
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on January 23, 2022 at 9:54 AM
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While I completely understand why you would feel hurt and concerned, there is really nothing you can do about it. They are adults and they can have their wedding on any day they wish. Continuing to harbor negative feelings is only going to hurt yourself and ruin your own wedding planning experience. My advice would be to let this go, move past it, and start enjoying sharing this once in a lifetime experience with your best friend! If it’s any solace, your wedding is after hers, so once hers is over all of the excitement for her wedding will be gone, but all the excitement for yours will still be there! You will get to extend the experience a little bit longer.
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Super June 2021
Bird · on January 23, 2022 at 10:20 AM
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Maybe you can watch that movie bride wars with her and joke about how that might be you two because your weddings are so close! Try to laugh it off I guess... sorry you’re frustrated but I think you could def change your mindset. Maybe ask your mom or someone who might be throwing you a bridal shower to book it ASAP haha so your friend has to find a date around yours? And maybe you could have a joint bachelorette!
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on January 23, 2022 at 10:23 AM
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Aww a joint bachelorette would be so fun! Now I wish one of my friends was getting married close to my date! Lol
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Super September 2022
Sarah · on January 23, 2022 at 10:41 AM
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I think 3 weeks will give you enough time to recover from her wedding and prepare for yours. Yes it may take a financial toll on you, but if you’re willing to pay for the dress and any travel then I don’t think it’ll be that bad.
One of my good friends chose the week before me and now told me she’s not coming to my wedding at all… so I can understand your frustrations but just communicate everything with her that may be a concern to you.
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on January 23, 2022 at 10:59 AM
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I completely understand the concern of the financial toll this could take on you.

It makes sense that her wedding date would be close to yours since you got engaged around the same time. Your feelings are your feelings and no one can tell you you're wrong for feeling hurt. I don't think there was any bad intentions on her part. She's as excited as you are to get married. Your weddings (and pre-wedding celebrations) will both be special in their own way. It's great that you and your circle have so many happy events to celebrate! Enjoy it all and try not to stress out over things that out of your control.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on January 23, 2022 at 3:45 PM
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I would try to let this go. Your weddings will be as unique and special as each of you are. It might be really fun to plan together! Kind of like having a buddy in action. Accept this with grace, and I feel like all will be well.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on January 23, 2022 at 4:16 PM
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Yes, you’re overacting and actually crossing the line (In terms of commenting on what your friend shouldn’t select as their meal and decor). You’re two separate people having two separate weddings. Focus on YOUR wedding and you’ll be fine. If you’re concerned about things looking similar, then perhaps you should come with more unique (out the box) wedding ideas instead of doing the same ‘ol thing that everyone does. That’s a perfect way to stand out especially since your wedding is after hers.
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Super May 2022
Samantha · on January 24, 2022 at 8:35 AM
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In my experience, if someone has to ask "am I overreacting?", the answer is 99% of the time yes lol. While its understandable to feel like she's stealing some of your thunder by squeezing her wedding in before yours, I'd just try to ignore it and enjoy this special time together with her.
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